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Top 20 Jackie Gleason Quotes (2025 Update)

Jackie Gleason Quote: “The Miami Beach audience is the greatest audience in the world.”

1. “The Miami Beach audience is the greatest audience in the world.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “The best part of you ran down your mother’s legs.”

2. “The best part of you ran down your mother’s legs.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “I have a ‘Play The Melody’ philosophy. It means don’t over arrange, don’t make life difficult. Just play the melody-and do it the simplest way possible.”

3. “I have a ‘Play The Melody’ philosophy. It means don’t over arrange, don’t make life difficult. Just play the melody-and do it the simplest way possible.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.”

4. “Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don’t know you have it, you don’t have it. If you don’t have it but you think you have it, then you have it.”

5. “If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don’t know you have it, you don’t have it. If you don’t have it but you think you have it, then you have it.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can’t resist the impulse.”

6. “Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can’t resist the impulse.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “The worst thing you can do with money is save it.”

7. “The worst thing you can do with money is save it.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.”

8. “Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini.”

9. “A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it.”

10. “The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.”

11. “Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “I’m no alcoholic. I’m a drunkard. There’s a difference. A drunkard doesn’t like to go to meetings.”

12. “I’m no alcoholic. I’m a drunkard. There’s a difference. A drunkard doesn’t like to go to meetings.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “I have no use for humility. I am a fellow with an exceptional talent.”

13. “I have no use for humility. I am a fellow with an exceptional talent.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “Modesty is the artifice of actors, similar to passion in call girls.”

14. “Modesty is the artifice of actors, similar to passion in call girls.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “Our dreams are firsthand creations, rather than residues of waking life. We have the capacity for infinite creativity; at least while dreaming, we partake of the power of the Spirit, the infinite Godhead that creates the cosmos.”

15. “Our dreams are firsthand creations, rather than residues of waking life. We have the capacity for infinite creativity; at least while dreaming, we partake of the power of the Spirit, the infinite Godhead that creates the cosmos.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.”

16. “Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.”

17. “I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.”

18. “Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “It is difficult for people to appreciate their own laughter unless you show them some pathos along the way.”

19. “It is difficult for people to appreciate their own laughter unless you show them some pathos along the way.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “I didn’t have things as a child, and I was determined to get them.”

20. “I didn’t have things as a child, and I was determined to get them.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “I always knew what I was doing.”

21. “I always knew what I was doing.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “The only thing better than one of my songs is one of my songs with a glass of scotch.”

22. “The only thing better than one of my songs is one of my songs with a glass of scotch.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.”

23. “Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.”

— Jackie Gleason

Jackie Gleason Quote: “I drink for the honorable purpose of getting bagged.”

24. “I drink for the honorable purpose of getting bagged.”

— Jackie Gleason

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