Top 90 Janeane Garofalo Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “I truly believe a woman’s weight is a political issue, and if one young woman out there can see me and not feel crummy about herself, that’s a good thing.”

— Janeane Garofalo

52. “To a right-winger, unions are awful. Why do right-wingers hate unions? Because collective bargaining is the power that a worker has against the corporation. Right-wingers hate that.”

— Janeane Garofalo

53. “How is it that this debate has been twisted on its head, that somehow those that advocate peace and diplomacy are anti-American?”

— Janeane Garofalo

54. “Sage advice? If you’re drunk, stay away from the phone. You can’t get the answering machine message back.”

— Janeane Garofalo

55. “Silence does not equal patriotism. Obedience is not the American way.”

— Janeane Garofalo

56. “Should have dogs before they have kids. Everybody.”

— Janeane Garofalo

57. “Without liberals we wouldn’t have unions. We wouldn’t have environmental protections. We wouldn’t have seat belts or birth control or the ACLU! Any of these things!”

— Janeane Garofalo

58. “I guess intractable right-wing ideologues are my mortal enemy.”

— Janeane Garofalo

59. “I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness.”

— Janeane Garofalo

60. “Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at ‘Second City,’ ‘SNL,’ in sitcoms and in film.”

— Janeane Garofalo

61. “It is not crazy to think that powerful people do some pretty horrible things. And maybe they get out of hand. Maybe it just gets away from them. It snowballs.”

— Janeane Garofalo

62. “For my stand-up, I always have my notebook with me and if something strikes me, I’ll write it down.”

— Janeane Garofalo

63. “Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don’t anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don’t anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder’s a little heavy. I have back problems now.”

— Janeane Garofalo

64. “I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal.”

— Janeane Garofalo

65. “Sometimes the critics review me harshly for not being critical of government but it’s not me who has said I was political.”

— Janeane Garofalo

66. “Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area.”

— Janeane Garofalo

67. “Every year my family would pile into the car for our vacation and drive 80 trillion miles just to prove we couldn’t get along in any setting.”

— Janeane Garofalo

68. “I was thrilled to work opposite Carl Reiner and Robert De Niro. Mr. Reiner was very chatty and delightful, but I learned that if you want Robert De Niro to like you, don’t speak at all, and he’ll be friendly to you.”

— Janeane Garofalo

69. “Anybody who French bashes just might as well wear a badge that says ‘I am a follower! I don’t think for myself and I have no idea what I’m talking about.’ That would be a French basher.”

— Janeane Garofalo

70. “If you don’t do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you’ll live forever. That’s how you do it. The diagnosis is what gets you. You just have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy with any and all bodily functions.”

— Janeane Garofalo

71. “When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, ‘Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great – thank you.’”

— Janeane Garofalo

72. “I think we all remember where we were when Rush Hour hit the water. That was an important day.”

— Janeane Garofalo

73. “You know, I’ve had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.”

— Janeane Garofalo

74. “To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn’t be bothered – that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It’s so off-putting.”

— Janeane Garofalo

75. “I can do most anything and not have a problem with it. The only time I have negative attention is when I run naked through the streets brandishing a handgun.”

— Janeane Garofalo

76. “No no no! Don’t clap! No no no, you make me seem like I’m like a prophet or something and I’m so not!”

— Janeane Garofalo

77. “I say at this point, for different reasons, Bush and Hussein are both very threatening to world peace and to deny that is to be incredibly naive.”

— Janeane Garofalo

78. “The term ‘celebrity’ makes my skin crawl.”

— Janeane Garofalo

79. “Pedestrian’s rights – because we live in California, I’ve got to address this issue. I don’t know where on the fence I am about that. I suppose if I’m walking, I’m all for it, but if I’m driving, that’s a whole other can of worms.”

— Janeane Garofalo

80. “TV, it’s a director’s medium, and they wanna make it look interesting. To be rehearsing mostly for the sake of where you’re standing so they can do the lighting, that’s what I don’t like.”

— Janeane Garofalo

81. “I do not enjoy when people don’t like me.”

— Janeane Garofalo

82. “The handful of corporations that own most of the media outlets have an interest in reflecting establishment views.”

— Janeane Garofalo

83. “Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.”

— Janeane Garofalo

84. “I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things.”

— Janeane Garofalo

85. “I don’t know that I would need to be famous as a Middle East policy expert to see that unilateral imperialism is bad policy.”

— Janeane Garofalo

86. “I would say just in general, in life, I’m more willing to be animated as a person, and so obviously onstage as well.”

— Janeane Garofalo

87. “For some reason I get advertised when I travel as a political comedian, which I’m not. Sometimes I talk about it and sometimes I don’t.”

— Janeane Garofalo

88. “I’m a walker. I enjoy walking, which I think psychologically expresses my feelings of wanting liberation without exerting myself too much.”

— Janeane Garofalo

89. “I would prefer to be well-liked in any and all situations.”

— Janeane Garofalo

90. “I despise in others my own characteristics.”

— Janeane Garofalo

91. “I don’t understand why, in entertainment, the hours are as long as they are. It seems like everything takes forever, and no one can tell you why exactly.”

— Janeane Garofalo

92. “The media is supposed to be custodians of the facts and watchdogs of government. They have, for the most part, neglected to be either of those things.”

— Janeane Garofalo

93. “So, apparently, if you are a pre-sentient mass of cells, this country will protect you and your rights to the n-th degree. If you have made the mistake of becoming an Iraqi citizen, apparently we can just drop bombs on you with impunity.”

— Janeane Garofalo

94. “My dream would be to be on a show that shoots in New York, because I live here, and then I could walk to work.”

— Janeane Garofalo

95. “Let’s be very honest about what this is about. It’s not about bashing Democrats, it’s not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don’t know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up.”

— Janeane Garofalo

96. “Well I don’t know what the city of Hollywood knows about foreign policy, but do I know that a lot of people do learn and educate themselves about policy and I don’t have to be a policy expert to know that this will be a disaster.”

— Janeane Garofalo

97. “What has Iraq done to us?”

— Janeane Garofalo

98. “I mostly get takeout, I have to admit – I don’t know if that’s something to be ashamed of. I’m not much of a cook.”

— Janeane Garofalo

99. “You can’t have cinema by committee if you’re trying to do it well.”

— Janeane Garofalo