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Top 25 Jason Segel Quotes (2025 Update)

Jason Segel Quote: “My mother taught me to be nice to everybody. And she said something before I left home. She said, ‘I want you to always remember that the person you are in this world is a reflection of the job I did as a mother.’”

1. “My mother taught me to be nice to everybody. And she said something before I left home. She said, ‘I want you to always remember that the person you are in this world is a reflection of the job I did as a mother.’”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “A man can certainly be a Muppet. Being a Muppet is a state of mind. It’s about finding that little part of you that’s unique, and not being embarrassed by it, but cherishing it.”

2. “A man can certainly be a Muppet. Being a Muppet is a state of mind. It’s about finding that little part of you that’s unique, and not being embarrassed by it, but cherishing it.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “If it’s achievement that you place your value in, you’re never going to achieve enough. If it’s power, you always need to wield power over others. If it’s money, you’ll never be rich enough. But if you do something and are a part of what is happening, then you’re always in it and it’s always enough.”

3. “If it’s achievement that you place your value in, you’re never going to achieve enough. If it’s power, you always need to wield power over others. If it’s money, you’ll never be rich enough. But if you do something and are a part of what is happening, then you’re always in it and it’s always enough.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “Fozzie Bear has so many bear puns in this script – like, ‘Trac is grizzly!’ ‘This is unbearable!’ It’s the greatest.”

4. “Fozzie Bear has so many bear puns in this script – like, ‘Trac is grizzly!’ ‘This is unbearable!’ It’s the greatest.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “The first time my mom found condoms in my room, she literally started crying hysterically.”

5. “The first time my mom found condoms in my room, she literally started crying hysterically.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “People have a lot less leniency for some reason for women straying from a relationship than they do for men.”

6. “People have a lot less leniency for some reason for women straying from a relationship than they do for men.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “We have reached a very cynical era of comedy. The Muppets have proven, for 40 years, that you can get laughs without ever doing it at someone else’s expense, and I think that that’s a really important thing for kids to realize.”

7. “We have reached a very cynical era of comedy. The Muppets have proven, for 40 years, that you can get laughs without ever doing it at someone else’s expense, and I think that that’s a really important thing for kids to realize.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “I’m better looking in person.”

8. “I’m better looking in person.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “Part of growing up is not waiting in line at a hipster breakfast restaurant. The eggs taste the same across the street. I promise.”

9. “Part of growing up is not waiting in line at a hipster breakfast restaurant. The eggs taste the same across the street. I promise.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “When you’re a kid, Kermit is Tom Hanks. He’s Tom Hanks for kids or Jimmy Stewart for kids. He’s truly the every man.”

10. “When you’re a kid, Kermit is Tom Hanks. He’s Tom Hanks for kids or Jimmy Stewart for kids. He’s truly the every man.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “That’s the best advice I can give – when you’re trying to write a comedy, first write a drama, and then make it funny.”

11. “That’s the best advice I can give – when you’re trying to write a comedy, first write a drama, and then make it funny.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “If you can find the line between sympathetic and creepy, you have reached a very funny area.”

12. “If you can find the line between sympathetic and creepy, you have reached a very funny area.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “One thing that I think never goes out of style is just purity. Niceness and purity. And the Muppets have never lost that. Kermit especially is just wide-eyed wonder, unblinking. And he cant blink. Which I think probably helps.”

13. “One thing that I think never goes out of style is just purity. Niceness and purity. And the Muppets have never lost that. Kermit especially is just wide-eyed wonder, unblinking. And he cant blink. Which I think probably helps.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “For some reason, I was born without a sense of embarrassment or shame.”

14. “For some reason, I was born without a sense of embarrassment or shame.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “I have always felt like romantic comedies are incredibly predictable. You look at the poster and you know those two are ending up together at the end of the movie.”

15. “I have always felt like romantic comedies are incredibly predictable. You look at the poster and you know those two are ending up together at the end of the movie.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “There were some super-lean years, yeah. I’m six feet four. And I entered into this period all of a sudden when I was too big to play a kid and I was too young to play an adult. Like, I couldn’t play the lawyer, but I couldn’t play the high school kid anymore.”

16. “There were some super-lean years, yeah. I’m six feet four. And I entered into this period all of a sudden when I was too big to play a kid and I was too young to play an adult. Like, I couldn’t play the lawyer, but I couldn’t play the high school kid anymore.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “Kermit was the Everyman, the original Tom Hanks, but I have a special place in my heart for Fozzie Bear. The classic borderline hacky entertainer.”

17. “Kermit was the Everyman, the original Tom Hanks, but I have a special place in my heart for Fozzie Bear. The classic borderline hacky entertainer.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “I like to be challenged acting wise and I like to do things that I’m scared of.”

18. “I like to be challenged acting wise and I like to do things that I’m scared of.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “I always have awkward relationships with the ladies for whatever reason. I don’t know and so here we are. I was able to sort of take all of those terrible, terrible, terrible dates and turn them into a money making venture.”

19. “I always have awkward relationships with the ladies for whatever reason. I don’t know and so here we are. I was able to sort of take all of those terrible, terrible, terrible dates and turn them into a money making venture.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “Do you know why people think nightmares aren’t real?” Charlie was too confused to answer. Something had changed. This nightmare was different from the rest. The witch had never spoken to him like this before. “Because most people wake up,” the witch continued. “Their spirits come here when they sleep and their bodies stay safe and sound in your world until morning.” She leaned in closer. “But you know what I’ve figured out? I’ve figured out how to bring your body here to the Netherworld too.”

20. “Do you know why people think nightmares aren’t real?” Charlie was too confused to answer. Something had changed. This nightmare was different from the rest. The witch had never spoken to him like this before. “Because most people wake up,” the witch continued. “Their spirits come here when they sleep and their bodies stay safe and sound in your world until morning.” She leaned in closer. “But you know what I’ve figured out? I’ve figured out how to bring your body here to the Netherworld too.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “That’s how fear grows. When you keep it locked inside and never let it out, it starts to eat you alive.”

21. “That’s how fear grows. When you keep it locked inside and never let it out, it starts to eat you alive.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “My tongue produces words faster than my brain can approve them.”

22. “My tongue produces words faster than my brain can approve them.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “Her pleas don’t appear to make much of an impression. “The real world?” asks the Child. “Why is your world the real one? How can you be so certain you humans were not created by someone else? Does your history not speak of a Creator too?”

23. “Her pleas don’t appear to make much of an impression. “The real world?” asks the Child. “Why is your world the real one? How can you be so certain you humans were not created by someone else? Does your history not speak of a Creator too?”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “I’m practically Lara goddamn Croft. You think because I’m a lady I don’t know what I’m doing? Well, as they say back home, Hide and watch, son.”

24. “I’m practically Lara goddamn Croft. You think because I’m a lady I don’t know what I’m doing? Well, as they say back home, Hide and watch, son.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “If you’re going to be a pariah, you might as well be their queen.”

25. “If you’re going to be a pariah, you might as well be their queen.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “Se fossi in te, non prenderei in giro gli incubi degli altri senza aver dormito una notte nel loro pigiama.”

26. “Se fossi in te, non prenderei in giro gli incubi degli altri senza aver dormito una notte nel loro pigiama.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “If that’s all you know, then you get to decide what he was really like. Maybe he was an awesome guy. Maybe he only broke people’s fingers if they really deserved it. And maybe he passed all his awesomeness down to you.” “I could pretend that’s the truth, but it wouldn’t be real,” I said. “Why not?” she asked. “He’s just a picture in a book. Why can’t he be who you want him to be?”

27. “If that’s all you know, then you get to decide what he was really like. Maybe he was an awesome guy. Maybe he only broke people’s fingers if they really deserved it. And maybe he passed all his awesomeness down to you.” “I could pretend that’s the truth, but it wouldn’t be real,” I said. “Why not?” she asked. “He’s just a picture in a book. Why can’t he be who you want him to be?”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “I can’t think of a worse place to be at nine o’clock on a Monday night than hunched down behind a bush, waiting for an illegal party to kick off at an old horse-rendering plant.”

28. “I can’t think of a worse place to be at nine o’clock on a Monday night than hunched down behind a bush, waiting for an illegal party to kick off at an old horse-rendering plant.”

— Jason Segel

Jason Segel Quote: “The plan, my fellow nightmares, is simple. One – find the boy. Two – keep the portal open. Three – conquer the Waking World. Four – try a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Five – never die.”

29. “The plan, my fellow nightmares, is simple. One – find the boy. Two – keep the portal open. Three – conquer the Waking World. Four – try a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Five – never die.”

— Jason Segel

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