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Top 15 Jeff Strand Quotes (2025 Update)

Jeff Strand Quote: “I know I’ll die someday, but I buy books like an immortal.”

1. “I know I’ll die someday, but I buy books like an immortal.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “I didn’t do anything to you.” “You’re right. You didn’t. And if I kept shouting ‘Revenge!’ the whole time I was cutting you, that argument would have some substance. But since I’ve given no indication that my actions are vengeance-based, it was a pointless thing to say.”

2. “I didn’t do anything to you.” “You’re right. You didn’t. And if I kept shouting ‘Revenge!’ the whole time I was cutting you, that argument would have some substance. But since I’ve given no indication that my actions are vengeance-based, it was a pointless thing to say.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “What makes you think I’m coping?” “Well, for one thing, you’re not lying on the floor in the fetal position. That’s a good start.”

3. “What makes you think I’m coping?” “Well, for one thing, you’re not lying on the floor in the fetal position. That’s a good start.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “New York, New York. The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps. Spider-Man’s hometown. I assume it’s a pretty cool place to visit, when you’re not stuck in a fleabag motel for three days cramming for finals week in the psychopath exams.”

4. “New York, New York. The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps. Spider-Man’s hometown. I assume it’s a pretty cool place to visit, when you’re not stuck in a fleabag motel for three days cramming for finals week in the psychopath exams.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “I’m doing this because I’m insane. Doesn’t my mad cackle make me sound insane?”

5. “I’m doing this because I’m insane. Doesn’t my mad cackle make me sound insane?”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “You don’t want me to die alone, do you? Nobody should have to die alone.” “You won’t be alone,” said Rachel. “The assassin will be there with you.”

6. “You don’t want me to die alone, do you? Nobody should have to die alone.” “You won’t be alone,” said Rachel. “The assassin will be there with you.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “I’m a liar, but this is the truth. I.”

7. “I’m a liar, but this is the truth. I.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “This is a really lame exchange of hidden messages.”

8. “This is a really lame exchange of hidden messages.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “If Raiders of the Lost Ark taught us anything, it’s that you don’t swing your sword at somebody who has a gun.”

9. “If Raiders of the Lost Ark taught us anything, it’s that you don’t swing your sword at somebody who has a gun.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “You know Hitler? I like Hitler more than I like you, and I’m a Jew.”

10. “You know Hitler? I like Hitler more than I like you, and I’m a Jew.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “Pregnant women shouldn’t be lifting dead bodies.”

11. “Pregnant women shouldn’t be lifting dead bodies.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “Culinary incompetence could explain the first six or seven meals, but more than that had to be culinary malice.”

12. “Culinary incompetence could explain the first six or seven meals, but more than that had to be culinary malice.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “Okay, obviously I didn’t die or I wouldn’t be able to relate this tender little narrative. Unless, of course, I’m a ghost, writing these words through an Ouija board. That would be pretty cool, but also incredibly time consuming, and the human I was channeling through would probably try to steal all the credit.”

13. “Okay, obviously I didn’t die or I wouldn’t be able to relate this tender little narrative. Unless, of course, I’m a ghost, writing these words through an Ouija board. That would be pretty cool, but also incredibly time consuming, and the human I was channeling through would probably try to steal all the credit.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “Fishing poles. The weapon of choice for the traveler in distress. We also had lots and lots of marshmallows. Maybe we could immobilize these guys with sticky gooey goodness.”

14. “Fishing poles. The weapon of choice for the traveler in distress. We also had lots and lots of marshmallows. Maybe we could immobilize these guys with sticky gooey goodness.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “The gods were not, in fact, smiling upon me. I at least hoped they weren’t laughing at me.”

15. “The gods were not, in fact, smiling upon me. I at least hoped they weren’t laughing at me.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “I’m not sure when “destruction” officially becomes a “rampage,” but when that vampire started kicking down the buildings next to the police station I decided that we had a good old fashioned rampage on our hands.”

16. “I’m not sure when “destruction” officially becomes a “rampage,” but when that vampire started kicking down the buildings next to the police station I decided that we had a good old fashioned rampage on our hands.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “The alarm went off at the unholy hour of five-fifteen. I got up off the couch, staggered around for a moment wondering what planet I was currently residing on, then used Roger’s shower. The soap didn’t jolt me into a state of euphoric alertness like the commercials said it would, but I felt a bit more human.”

17. “The alarm went off at the unholy hour of five-fifteen. I got up off the couch, staggered around for a moment wondering what planet I was currently residing on, then used Roger’s shower. The soap didn’t jolt me into a state of euphoric alertness like the commercials said it would, but I felt a bit more human.”

— Jeff Strand

Jeff Strand Quote: “Yes, somehow I’d reached the point of mental instability where I was making up excuses to justify my actions to my own brain.”

18. “Yes, somehow I’d reached the point of mental instability where I was making up excuses to justify my actions to my own brain.”

— Jeff Strand

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