Top 60 Jesse Q. Sutanto Quotes (2026 Update)

1. “She was always baking for me, surely that meant she loved me. Nobody bakes for people they’re not in love with.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

2. “Some of the aunties in Dial A for Aunties speak the sort of broken English that my parents’ generation does. Their grasp of the English language is not a reflection of their intelligence, but a reflection of the sacrifice that they have made for us. They are, in essence, trilingual, and I am so proud of this heritage.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

3. “Ah, filial piety, the foundation of Asian parenting. From ever since I can remember, I’ve been taught to put my elders – that is, Ma and the aunties – above everything. It’s the reason why I, out of seven kids in my generation, am the only one involved in the family business, even though I desperately want out.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

4. “People always say that your wedding day is the happiest day of your life, but honestly, people should try solving murders more often.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

5. “She wants me. She wouldn’t slap just anyone’s arm.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

6. “My eyes fill with tears. All these years, I have never seen it that way, but Ma’s right. I did grow up with four mothers, and it really has been amazing. There’s been so much love in my life that I took for granted.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

7. “Most other entertainers go with coke.” “Coke got so much sugar,” Big Aunt sniffs. “Better drink Coke Zero, otherwise later you get diabetes.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

8. “You’re not a mess. You just kill by accident only. Bad luck. Can happen to anyone.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

9. “Yay, global warming,” I cheer weakly. Bad for the environment, good for killers.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

10. “In Chinese culture, respect only flows in one direction, from the younger to the older, like a river. The older generation doesn’t owe the younger ones respect; if any is given, it is done so out of kindness and generosity, not necessity.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

11. “Chinese family meals aren’t complete without everyone serving food to everyone else, because doing so shows love and respect, which means we all need to do it in the most attention-seeking way possible.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

12. “I’m not even passive-aggressive; I’m more passive-passive. I can’t be oppressed because I’m basically a human mattress.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

13. “We’ve managed to survive. And that’s what my family has always taught me. Over the years, when the men in the family left, one by one, my mother and aunts have shown me what it means to pick up the broken pieces of your life and keep plodding along until everything’s okay again.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

14. “I hear about this kind of Internet scam before. Is called goldfish.” “Catfish,” I say. “No, I’m sure is call goldfish. Because pretend got gold, but actually just a fish.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

15. “There’s a dead man in my car. A man. Dead. In the driver’s seat of my Subaru. This is not at all on-brand for Subaru. Subarus aren’t killers’ cars. Jeep Wranglers are.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

16. “If only every bad thing in life could be removed just by mopping it away.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

17. “I am mother too. Actually, I am Chinese mother. You can’t get better than that. We raise the best children in the world, you just look at any hospital, all the surgeon are Chinese.” Vera beams with pride, as though she has personally been responsible for all the surgeons in every hospital.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

18. “There’s a glint in her eye that she gets the week before Chinese New Year, when she goes absolutely berserk and cleans the house like Marie Kondo on crack.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

19. “Vera ignores him. She’s gotten very good at ignoring people over the years, especially when they say things like “You can’t do that” or “You’re not supposed to do that.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

20. “Destiny, Vera thinks, is something to be hunted down and grabbed tightly with both hands and shaken until it gives her exactly what she wants.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

21. “She’s not flattering Alex; like many Chinese elders, Vera truly believes that the bulk of anyone’s success is thanks to their parents’ hard work and sacrifice.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

22. “Hmm, you don’t look young enough to be Gen Z. You need to take better care of your skin.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

23. “Yeah.” I sigh, feeling so ashamed of my generation.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

24. “In her experience, it’s best to nod and agree with what people say before doing exactly what you wanted from the very beginning.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

25. “No, you’re Chinese mothers, which is as good as dictators,” I mutter, squeezing Ma’s arm with affection.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

26. “To this day, I can’t quite believe how fortunate we were that someone like Sheriff McConnell was in charge of the case. His incompetence was vital in ensuring that nobody ended up charged with anything.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

27. “Generations of Chinese mothers have perfected the art of sniffing out guilt, and Vera can practically see waves of guilt churning out of the young people gathered before her.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

28. “Meddy, how can you say that? Your aunties coming over, so late at night, coming to help us get rid of body, and we don’t even offer them any food? How can? Oh, we have dragon fruit, good, good.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

29. “Who are you trying to protect? This isn’t your world, child. Give any of these kids here a chance and they’ll throw you under the bus, just to make sure this place keeps going, you know what I’m saying?”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

30. “Or maybe the business is dealing coke. Or human trafficking. Wow, I have a low opinion of my family.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

31. “Don’t leave your big day to chance, leave it to the Chans!”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

32. “Oh, this and that,” Vera says. “After you breastfeed, no bra will be able to control all the flopping.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

33. “How do I describe the particular shade of purple? It’s as if flamingo pink and electric blue had a baby and then that baby snorted a line of coke and proceeded to punch you in the face.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

34. “I’m basically driven by a mixture of caffeine and familial guilt.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

35. “You been standing there for exactly four minutes. I think this unusual behavior, even for a millennial.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

36. “Nothing personal, Tilly,” Vera says, “is just that you a very ugly baby.” “Yep, nothing personal about that, Ma.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

37. “Jujubes are so heaty. Alex has too much yang, which means he is naturally a bit too heaty, so she mustn’t give him any jujubes, no matter how wonderful they taste.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

38. “Young people should be moving fast, take the world by its male genitalia, and so on.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

39. “You know, is good to underpromise and overdeliver.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

40. “What? What is it?” Big Aunt says. “He sound like very nice boy, offer to cook eggplant for you.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

41. “It’s a patisserie,” Winifred would say primly. “Insisting that I can’t call it a patisserie just because I’m not French is racist, Vera.” “It’s not because you’re not French, Winifred; it’s because you don’t serve French pastries. Your cake shop serves Chinese pastries.” “Many of them are French-influenced!” “Just because you call your taro bun petit pain au taro does not make it French influenced.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

42. “Lord help me, we are literally talking about fridging the dude.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

43. “Nothing fills Vera with quite as much joy as watching loved ones eat her food. It’s one of the many things she misses about Jinlong and Tilly. When it was the three of them at home, she’d cook up a storm every day and watch as Jinlong and Tilly ate, and food always tasted so much better that way.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

44. “They’ve gone through so much for me, like covering up an actual murder. The least I can do is pretend to like their hideous outfits.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

45. “Vera Wong Zhuzhu, age sixty, is a pig, but she really should have been born a rooster. We are, of course, referring to Chinese horoscopes. Vera Wong is a human woman, thank you very much, but roosters have nothing on her. Every morning.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

46. “It’s the exact sort of thing that Marshall would’ve hated, because he didn’t want to “pander” and “make her soft.” But it’s also the exact thing Julia knew, deep down inside, that her daughter needed. And yet it had taken Oliver, someone who’s only met Emma the one time, to provide it.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

47. “She will fake it even better than a mediocre man interviewing for a job he’s not qualified for.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

48. “She takes a quick moment to send a text to her son, reminding him that he’s sleeping his life away and should have been up and at it before her. He is, after all, a young man with a whole world to conquer. Late mornings, Vera believes, are only for toddlers and Europeans.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

49. “Penxi swallows thickly. “I’m a scammer.” “You are human trafficking victim. No. You are human trafficking survivor.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

50. “She’s very proud of her crime scene; it must surely be the most pleasant crime scene the cops have ever been to.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto