Top 60 Jesse Q. Sutanto Quotes (2026 Update)

1. “She wants me. She wouldn’t slap just anyone’s arm.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

2. “She was always baking for me, surely that meant she loved me. Nobody bakes for people they’re not in love with.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

3. “Some of the aunties in Dial A for Aunties speak the sort of broken English that my parents’ generation does. Their grasp of the English language is not a reflection of their intelligence, but a reflection of the sacrifice that they have made for us. They are, in essence, trilingual, and I am so proud of this heritage.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

4. “Ah, filial piety, the foundation of Asian parenting. From ever since I can remember, I’ve been taught to put my elders – that is, Ma and the aunties – above everything. It’s the reason why I, out of seven kids in my generation, am the only one involved in the family business, even though I desperately want out.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

5. “People always say that your wedding day is the happiest day of your life, but honestly, people should try solving murders more often.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

6. “My eyes fill with tears. All these years, I have never seen it that way, but Ma’s right. I did grow up with four mothers, and it really has been amazing. There’s been so much love in my life that I took for granted.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

7. “You’re not a mess. You just kill by accident only. Bad luck. Can happen to anyone.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

8. “Most other entertainers go with coke.” “Coke got so much sugar,” Big Aunt sniffs. “Better drink Coke Zero, otherwise later you get diabetes.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

9. “In Chinese culture, respect only flows in one direction, from the younger to the older, like a river. The older generation doesn’t owe the younger ones respect; if any is given, it is done so out of kindness and generosity, not necessity.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

10. “I’m not even passive-aggressive; I’m more passive-passive. I can’t be oppressed because I’m basically a human mattress.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

11. “Yay, global warming,” I cheer weakly. Bad for the environment, good for killers.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

12. “I am mother too. Actually, I am Chinese mother. You can’t get better than that. We raise the best children in the world, you just look at any hospital, all the surgeon are Chinese.” Vera beams with pride, as though she has personally been responsible for all the surgeons in every hospital.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

13. “We’ve managed to survive. And that’s what my family has always taught me. Over the years, when the men in the family left, one by one, my mother and aunts have shown me what it means to pick up the broken pieces of your life and keep plodding along until everything’s okay again.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

14. “I hear about this kind of Internet scam before. Is called goldfish.” “Catfish,” I say. “No, I’m sure is call goldfish. Because pretend got gold, but actually just a fish.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

15. “Chinese family meals aren’t complete without everyone serving food to everyone else, because doing so shows love and respect, which means we all need to do it in the most attention-seeking way possible.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

16. “There’s a dead man in my car. A man. Dead. In the driver’s seat of my Subaru. This is not at all on-brand for Subaru. Subarus aren’t killers’ cars. Jeep Wranglers are.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

17. “If only every bad thing in life could be removed just by mopping it away.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

18. “Hmm, you don’t look young enough to be Gen Z. You need to take better care of your skin.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

19. “Yeah.” I sigh, feeling so ashamed of my generation.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

20. “There’s a glint in her eye that she gets the week before Chinese New Year, when she goes absolutely berserk and cleans the house like Marie Kondo on crack.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

21. “Vera ignores him. She’s gotten very good at ignoring people over the years, especially when they say things like “You can’t do that” or “You’re not supposed to do that.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

22. “Destiny, Vera thinks, is something to be hunted down and grabbed tightly with both hands and shaken until it gives her exactly what she wants.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

23. “She’s not flattering Alex; like many Chinese elders, Vera truly believes that the bulk of anyone’s success is thanks to their parents’ hard work and sacrifice.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

24. “In her experience, it’s best to nod and agree with what people say before doing exactly what you wanted from the very beginning.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

25. “Lord help me, we are literally talking about fridging the dude.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

26. “No, you’re Chinese mothers, which is as good as dictators,” I mutter, squeezing Ma’s arm with affection.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

27. “To this day, I can’t quite believe how fortunate we were that someone like Sheriff McConnell was in charge of the case. His incompetence was vital in ensuring that nobody ended up charged with anything.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

28. “Emma, you listen to Grandma Vera. Are you listening? This Anne is very stupid. Very! Stupid! You hear me? Why is she happy that crazy king wants to marry her? She should be horrified. She should carry a dagger with her on wedding night.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

29. “Generations of Chinese mothers have perfected the art of sniffing out guilt, and Vera can practically see waves of guilt churning out of the young people gathered before her.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

30. “Meddy, how can you say that? Your aunties coming over, so late at night, coming to help us get rid of body, and we don’t even offer them any food? How can? Oh, we have dragon fruit, good, good.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

31. “Who are you trying to protect? This isn’t your world, child. Give any of these kids here a chance and they’ll throw you under the bus, just to make sure this place keeps going, you know what I’m saying?”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

32. “Or maybe the business is dealing coke. Or human trafficking. Wow, I have a low opinion of my family.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

33. “Don’t leave your big day to chance, leave it to the Chans!”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

34. “Oh, this and that,” Vera says. “After you breastfeed, no bra will be able to control all the flopping.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

35. “How do I describe the particular shade of purple? It’s as if flamingo pink and electric blue had a baby and then that baby snorted a line of coke and proceeded to punch you in the face.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

36. “I’m basically driven by a mixture of caffeine and familial guilt.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

37. “You been standing there for exactly four minutes. I think this unusual behavior, even for a millennial.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

38. “In her mother’s books, bad guys are knifed, drugged, strangled. Deaths that are intentional, premeditated, and dramatic. Nothing like an accidental allergic reaction.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

39. “They band together and reduce us to kids having a tantrum, dismissing our words so we can’t pierce their armor. Part of me wants to kick crazily at the floor and scream until they listen, but of course that’ll only confirm their belief that I’m nothing more than a silly child.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

40. “Mementos from their parents’ homeland, too old to use, too precious to throw away, too painful to look at. So they are left to age gently, a reminder of everyone who was left behind.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

41. “I look at the ceiling. Pretty sure that when Glad was planning their marketing campaign, they didn’t think their target market would be a bunch of middle-aged Chinese women arguing about how to best dispose of a body.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

42. “Did he know that killing Brandon wasn’t my only secret? That I had another one, which was perhaps just as bad, if not worse than that?”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

43. “Nothing personal, Tilly,” Vera says, “is just that you a very ugly baby.” “Yep, nothing personal about that, Ma.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

44. “Jujubes are so heaty. Alex has too much yang, which means he is naturally a bit too heaty, so she mustn’t give him any jujubes, no matter how wonderful they taste.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

45. “Young people should be moving fast, take the world by its male genitalia, and so on.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

46. “You know, is good to underpromise and overdeliver.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

47. “What? What is it?” Big Aunt says. “He sound like very nice boy, offer to cook eggplant for you.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

48. “It’s a patisserie,” Winifred would say primly. “Insisting that I can’t call it a patisserie just because I’m not French is racist, Vera.” “It’s not because you’re not French, Winifred; it’s because you don’t serve French pastries. Your cake shop serves Chinese pastries.” “Many of them are French-influenced!” “Just because you call your taro bun petit pain au taro does not make it French influenced.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

49. “Nothing fills Vera with quite as much joy as watching loved ones eat her food. It’s one of the many things she misses about Jinlong and Tilly. When it was the three of them at home, she’d cook up a storm every day and watch as Jinlong and Tilly ate, and food always tasted so much better that way.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

50. “They’ve gone through so much for me, like covering up an actual murder. The least I can do is pretend to like their hideous outfits.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto