Top 40 Jesse Q. Sutanto Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Some of the aunties in Dial A for Aunties speak the sort of broken English that my parents’ generation does. Their grasp of the English language is not a reflection of their intelligence, but a reflection of the sacrifice that they have made for us. They are, in essence, trilingual, and I am so proud of this heritage.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

2. “People always say that your wedding day is the happiest day of your life, but honestly, people should try solving murders more often.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

3. “Ah, filial piety, the foundation of Asian parenting. From ever since I can remember, I’ve been taught to put my elders – that is, Ma and the aunties – above everything. It’s the reason why I, out of seven kids in my generation, am the only one involved in the family business, even though I desperately want out.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

4. “Yay, global warming,” I cheer weakly. Bad for the environment, good for killers.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

5. “I’m not even passive-aggressive; I’m more passive-passive. I can’t be oppressed because I’m basically a human mattress.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

6. “In Chinese culture, respect only flows in one direction, from the younger to the older, like a river. The older generation doesn’t owe the younger ones respect; if any is given, it is done so out of kindness and generosity, not necessity.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

7. “We’ve managed to survive. And that’s what my family has always taught me. Over the years, when the men in the family left, one by one, my mother and aunts have shown me what it means to pick up the broken pieces of your life and keep plodding along until everything’s okay again.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

8. “She was always baking for me, surely that meant she loved me. Nobody bakes for people they’re not in love with.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

9. “I am mother too. Actually, I am Chinese mother. You can’t get better than that. We raise the best children in the world, you just look at any hospital, all the surgeon are Chinese.” Vera beams with pride, as though she has personally been responsible for all the surgeons in every hospital.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

10. “My eyes fill with tears. All these years, I have never seen it that way, but Ma’s right. I did grow up with four mothers, and it really has been amazing. There’s been so much love in my life that I took for granted.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

11. “No, you’re Chinese mothers, which is as good as dictators,” I mutter, squeezing Ma’s arm with affection.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

12. “Chinese family meals aren’t complete without everyone serving food to everyone else, because doing so shows love and respect, which means we all need to do it in the most attention-seeking way possible.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

13. “Don’t leave your big day to chance, leave it to the Chans!”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

14. “There’s a dead man in my car. A man. Dead. In the driver’s seat of my Subaru. This is not at all on-brand for Subaru. Subarus aren’t killers’ cars. Jeep Wranglers are.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

15. “I hear about this kind of Internet scam before. Is called goldfish.” “Catfish,” I say. “No, I’m sure is call goldfish. Because pretend got gold, but actually just a fish.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

16. “Vera ignores him. She’s gotten very good at ignoring people over the years, especially when they say things like “You can’t do that” or “You’re not supposed to do that.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

17. “Who are you trying to protect? This isn’t your world, child. Give any of these kids here a chance and they’ll throw you under the bus, just to make sure this place keeps going, you know what I’m saying?”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

18. “Oh, this and that,” Vera says. “After you breastfeed, no bra will be able to control all the flopping.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

19. “Meddy, how can you say that? Your aunties coming over, so late at night, coming to help us get rid of body, and we don’t even offer them any food? How can? Oh, we have dragon fruit, good, good.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

20. “You’re not a mess. You just kill by accident only. Bad luck. Can happen to anyone.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

21. “In her experience, it’s best to nod and agree with what people say before doing exactly what you wanted from the very beginning.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

22. “There’s a glint in her eye that she gets the week before Chinese New Year, when she goes absolutely berserk and cleans the house like Marie Kondo on crack.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

23. “Yeah.” I sigh, feeling so ashamed of my generation.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

24. “I’m basically driven by a mixture of caffeine and familial guilt.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

25. “You been standing there for exactly four minutes. I think this unusual behavior, even for a millennial.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

26. “Nothing personal, Tilly,” Vera says, “is just that you a very ugly baby.” “Yep, nothing personal about that, Ma.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

27. “They’ve gone through so much for me, like covering up an actual murder. The least I can do is pretend to like their hideous outfits.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

28. “Destiny, Vera thinks, is something to be hunted down and grabbed tightly with both hands and shaken until it gives her exactly what she wants.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

29. “I look at the ceiling. Pretty sure that when Glad was planning their marketing campaign, they didn’t think their target market would be a bunch of middle-aged Chinese women arguing about how to best dispose of a body.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

30. “Generations of Chinese mothers have perfected the art of sniffing out guilt, and Vera can practically see waves of guilt churning out of the young people gathered before her.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

31. “Hmm, you don’t look young enough to be Gen Z. You need to take better care of your skin.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

32. “They band together and reduce us to kids having a tantrum, dismissing our words so we can’t pierce their armor. Part of me wants to kick crazily at the floor and scream until they listen, but of course that’ll only confirm their belief that I’m nothing more than a silly child.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

33. “To this day, I can’t quite believe how fortunate we were that someone like Sheriff McConnell was in charge of the case. His incompetence was vital in ensuring that nobody ended up charged with anything.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

34. “She wants me. She wouldn’t slap just anyone’s arm.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

35. “She takes a quick moment to send a text to her son, reminding him that he’s sleeping his life away and should have been up and at it before her. He is, after all, a young man with a whole world to conquer. Late mornings, Vera believes, are only for toddlers and Europeans.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

36. “How do I describe the particular shade of purple? It’s as if flamingo pink and electric blue had a baby and then that baby snorted a line of coke and proceeded to punch you in the face.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

37. “She is still steely-eyed. Vera no longer recognizes the sniffly, frightened woman that Julia was when they first met. Julia now looks like nothing could possibly tear her down. Vera can’t be any prouder of her.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

38. “Lord help me, we are literally talking about fridging the dude.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

39. “Most other entertainers go with coke.” “Coke got so much sugar,” Big Aunt sniffs. “Better drink Coke Zero, otherwise later you get diabetes.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

40. “I told you to buy Glad brand. Haven’t you seen their ads? Glad bags will hold his cut-up body just fine, no leaks!”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

41. “What? What is it?” Big Aunt says. “He sound like very nice boy, offer to cook eggplant for you.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

42. “She’s not flattering Alex; like many Chinese elders, Vera truly believes that the bulk of anyone’s success is thanks to their parents’ hard work and sacrifice.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

43. “If only every bad thing in life could be removed just by mopping it away.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

44. “In her mother’s books, bad guys are knifed, drugged, strangled. Deaths that are intentional, premeditated, and dramatic. Nothing like an accidental allergic reaction.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto

45. “Or maybe the business is dealing coke. Or human trafficking. Wow, I have a low opinion of my family.”

— Jesse Q. Sutanto