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Top 120 Jodi Taylor Quotes (2026 Update)
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Jodi Taylor Quote: “Show me a cup of tea and I’ll show you at least two historians attached to it.”

51. “Show me a cup of tea and I’ll show you at least two historians attached to it.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “She fought off a T-rex with just a pepper spray and bad language. You couldn’t be in better hands.”

52. “She fought off a T-rex with just a pepper spray and bad language. You couldn’t be in better hands.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Maybe a pig would fly past with a nice cup of tea.”

53. “Maybe a pig would fly past with a nice cup of tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I ever retire, I’m going to buy a house in the centre of town somewhere and name it Sea View, just to give people something to worry about.”

54. “I ever retire, I’m going to buy a house in the centre of town somewhere and name it Sea View, just to give people something to worry about.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Get out. Get out of our house. Both of you. It makes me sick just to have you here. You called me a nothing girl. Well, this nothing girl despises you. I’d rather be nothing and loved by Russell Checkland than anything else on earth. You would have ruined his life and he’s so much better than you. He’s kind and generous and passionate and everything you’re not. He will be a great painter one day. And – and he goes like a train.”

55. “Get out. Get out of our house. Both of you. It makes me sick just to have you here. You called me a nothing girl. Well, this nothing girl despises you. I’d rather be nothing and loved by Russell Checkland than anything else on earth. You would have ruined his life and he’s so much better than you. He’s kind and generous and passionate and everything you’re not. He will be a great painter one day. And – and he goes like a train.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I was climbing into bed one night, accompanied by all the usual paraphernalia – laptop, Kindle, box of tissues for my early morning nose – my nose will kill me one day – notebook and a couple of pens – because they all run out together – and a Terry Pratchett novel. The great man is probably most alarmed to find that death has not released him from the burden of having me take him to bed every night.”

56. “I was climbing into bed one night, accompanied by all the usual paraphernalia – laptop, Kindle, box of tissues for my early morning nose – my nose will kill me one day – notebook and a couple of pens – because they all run out together – and a Terry Pratchett novel. The great man is probably most alarmed to find that death has not released him from the burden of having me take him to bed every night.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “He was calm and soothing and had a reasonable explanation for everything. No woman should have to put up with that.”

57. “He was calm and soothing and had a reasonable explanation for everything. No woman should have to put up with that.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “My margarita-laden mind was struggling to cope. ‘We are History’s instruments,’ Markham cried, dramatically. ‘Tools, more like,’ I said. ‘We are the Tools of History.”

58. “My margarita-laden mind was struggling to cope. ‘We are History’s instruments,’ Markham cried, dramatically. ‘Tools, more like,’ I said. ‘We are the Tools of History.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “What chest?’ I said, because everyone knows if you ignore persistent, throbbing pain then it goes away. Like toothache. And small children. And overdrafts.”

59. “What chest?’ I said, because everyone knows if you ignore persistent, throbbing pain then it goes away. Like toothache. And small children. And overdrafts.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I’m not a surgeon.’ ‘You don’t have to be. You’re an engineer. That’s almost the same thing.’ ‘Your ignorance is frightening.”

60. “I’m not a surgeon.’ ‘You don’t have to be. You’re an engineer. That’s almost the same thing.’ ‘Your ignorance is frightening.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Dr Maxwell. Why are you wearing a red snake in my office?’ ‘Sorry, sir. Whose office should I be wearing it in?”

61. “Dr Maxwell. Why are you wearing a red snake in my office?’ ‘Sorry, sir. Whose office should I be wearing it in?”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The only talents he possessed were delusions of adequacy.”

62. “The only talents he possessed were delusions of adequacy.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “As a measure of our consternation, one or two people nearly put down their cups of tea.”

63. “As a measure of our consternation, one or two people nearly put down their cups of tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The pay is terrible and the conditions are worse, but it’s a wonderful place to work – they have some talented people there.”

64. “The pay is terrible and the conditions are worse, but it’s a wonderful place to work – they have some talented people there.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The Society for the Protection of Historical Buildings was the official body whose task it was to oversee repairs and maintenance to our beloved but battered listed building. We had them on speed-dial. They had us on their black list.”

65. “The Society for the Protection of Historical Buildings was the official body whose task it was to oversee repairs and maintenance to our beloved but battered listed building. We had them on speed-dial. They had us on their black list.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The three of them must disappear. Start a new life in a strange, new, foreign world. America, maybe. Or Manchester.”

66. “The three of them must disappear. Start a new life in a strange, new, foreign world. America, maybe. Or Manchester.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I suspect the Universe is making damned sure we don’t get the chance to contaminate other planets with our stupidity. It’s keeping us on this one where the only thing we can damage is each other.”

67. “I suspect the Universe is making damned sure we don’t get the chance to contaminate other planets with our stupidity. It’s keeping us on this one where the only thing we can damage is each other.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “We need to be clear on this. I don’t like children. There isn’t an orifice that doesn’t exude something unpleasant. Sometimes, all of them exude simultaneously.”

68. “We need to be clear on this. I don’t like children. There isn’t an orifice that doesn’t exude something unpleasant. Sometimes, all of them exude simultaneously.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “You’re really not fit to be allowed out on your own, are you?’ ‘So, what’s the damage?’ ‘How do you want it? From head to toe? Alphabetically? Chronologically?’ ‘Surprise me.’ ‘Well, your feet are holding up well.’ ‘Glad to hear it. I’ll be on my way then.”

69. “You’re really not fit to be allowed out on your own, are you?’ ‘So, what’s the damage?’ ‘How do you want it? From head to toe? Alphabetically? Chronologically?’ ‘Surprise me.’ ‘Well, your feet are holding up well.’ ‘Glad to hear it. I’ll be on my way then.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I am being nice to you. It’s not my fault you’re too thick to notice.”

70. “I am being nice to you. It’s not my fault you’re too thick to notice.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “All bosses are interchangeable. The only difference is how they like their tea.”

71. “All bosses are interchangeable. The only difference is how they like their tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The hero of his age. And yes, he really did have that bloody awful pudding-bowl haircut. They all did. Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

72. “The hero of his age. And yes, he really did have that bloody awful pudding-bowl haircut. They all did. Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I know the whole world isn’t really out to get me. I’m pretty sure Switzerland is neutral.”

73. “I know the whole world isn’t really out to get me. I’m pretty sure Switzerland is neutral.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I really don’t know why these things are always passed down through the male line – girl children are much more robust than their brothers, and let’s face it, Max – while here may always be doubt about the identity of the father, most people are usually fairly clear about who the mother is.”

74. “I really don’t know why these things are always passed down through the male line – girl children are much more robust than their brothers, and let’s face it, Max – while here may always be doubt about the identity of the father, most people are usually fairly clear about who the mother is.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I could have been a bomb-disposal expert, or a volunteer for the Mars mission, or a firefighter, or something safe and sensible. But no, I had to be an historian.”

75. “I could have been a bomb-disposal expert, or a volunteer for the Mars mission, or a firefighter, or something safe and sensible. But no, I had to be an historian.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Teenagers are inarticulate, acne-ridden lumps of inert matter. The only way you can ever induce movement is by trying to separate one from its mobile phone. And if you can do that then the only way you can stop it attacking is with rhinoceros tranquiliser.”

76. “Teenagers are inarticulate, acne-ridden lumps of inert matter. The only way you can ever induce movement is by trying to separate one from its mobile phone. And if you can do that then the only way you can stop it attacking is with rhinoceros tranquiliser.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “A few days later, Peterson and I were called to his office, handed the familiar file folders, and told to get on with it. And to take Mr Markham with us. I didn’t enquire, but I definitely got the impression that bringing him back was a bit of an optional extra.”

77. “A few days later, Peterson and I were called to his office, handed the familiar file folders, and told to get on with it. And to take Mr Markham with us. I didn’t enquire, but I definitely got the impression that bringing him back was a bit of an optional extra.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “There should be medals struck for men who produce tea at exactly the moment it’s needed.”

78. “There should be medals struck for men who produce tea at exactly the moment it’s needed.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I’m the world’s lightest sleeper. On a bad day, I can make Lady Macbeth look like a raging narcoleptic.”

79. “I’m the world’s lightest sleeper. On a bad day, I can make Lady Macbeth look like a raging narcoleptic.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “And it’s not just any old panic. It’s highly trained panic. It’s taken years of hard work and practice. Please don’t mock.”

80. “And it’s not just any old panic. It’s highly trained panic. It’s taken years of hard work and practice. Please don’t mock.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “It’s all very well having these emotional moments, but eventually after two cups of tea, someone has to go to the bathroom.”

81. “It’s all very well having these emotional moments, but eventually after two cups of tea, someone has to go to the bathroom.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I’m almost certain the assignment was simply to observe and document. I distinctly remember saying so.’ ‘Indeed you did, sir, but you know us. Always ready to go that extra mile.’ ‘If you only knew how often I pray that some of you would go those extra miles.”

82. “I’m almost certain the assignment was simply to observe and document. I distinctly remember saying so.’ ‘Indeed you did, sir, but you know us. Always ready to go that extra mile.’ ‘If you only knew how often I pray that some of you would go those extra miles.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “She picked up a slice of Victoria Sponge, broke it into large pieces and tossed them in their direction. I hadn’t had any yet, and could not suppress a small whimper. ‘It’s for science, Director,’ she said. ‘We must all make sacrifices.”

83. “She picked up a slice of Victoria Sponge, broke it into large pieces and tossed them in their direction. I hadn’t had any yet, and could not suppress a small whimper. ‘It’s for science, Director,’ she said. ‘We must all make sacrifices.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I made you,’ I said darkly. ‘I can break you.’ He snorted. And.”

84. “I made you,’ I said darkly. ‘I can break you.’ He snorted. And.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The ground never opens up and swallows you when you need it to.”

85. “The ground never opens up and swallows you when you need it to.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Attention span of a – what was I saying?”

86. “Attention span of a – what was I saying?”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

87. “Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “This had once been a garden. Beautiful glazed pots stood against the walls but now were cracked, crumbling, and contained only dead bushes and weeds. A broken wooden bench had been overturned and lay forlornly on its side. Perhaps even gardens were considered sinful.”

88. “This had once been a garden. Beautiful glazed pots stood against the walls but now were cracked, crumbling, and contained only dead bushes and weeds. A broken wooden bench had been overturned and lay forlornly on its side. Perhaps even gardens were considered sinful.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “In an organisation that already contains you, Dr Maxwell, the acquisition of any further irritants would be superfluous.”

89. “In an organisation that already contains you, Dr Maxwell, the acquisition of any further irritants would be superfluous.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Snow White was such a wuss. All that housework. Looking after seven men. And she sang while she was doing it. That girl was not bright.”

90. “Snow White was such a wuss. All that housework. Looking after seven men. And she sang while she was doing it. That girl was not bright.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “This is so cool,’ beamed Bashford, cross-eyed and blissfully unaware of the danger in which we stood. Obviously a natural historian.”

91. “This is so cool,’ beamed Bashford, cross-eyed and blissfully unaware of the danger in which we stood. Obviously a natural historian.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The doctor will be with you soon. He said you had beautiful lacerations, and it was a pleasure to patch you up. He was quite enthusiastic.’ She grinned. ‘He doesn’t get out much.”

92. “The doctor will be with you soon. He said you had beautiful lacerations, and it was a pleasure to patch you up. He was quite enthusiastic.’ She grinned. ‘He doesn’t get out much.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Beautiful books, full of knowledge and beauty and ideas. All lost, thanks to a mad monk who, in the end, became a little too mad even for the church he served.”

93. “Beautiful books, full of knowledge and beauty and ideas. All lost, thanks to a mad monk who, in the end, became a little too mad even for the church he served.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Partridge was pretending not to lurk near the stairs. ‘The body’s under the desk,’ I said as I passed, just to give her something to worry about.”

94. “Partridge was pretending not to lurk near the stairs. ‘The body’s under the desk,’ I said as I passed, just to give her something to worry about.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The screaming redoubled. You put dinosaurs and people together, you always get screaming.”

95. “The screaming redoubled. You put dinosaurs and people together, you always get screaming.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “We don’t do time-travel. That’s for amateurs. We’re not time-travellers – we’re historians. We ‘investigate major historical events in contemporary time’. so much more classy.”

96. “We don’t do time-travel. That’s for amateurs. We’re not time-travellers – we’re historians. We ‘investigate major historical events in contemporary time’. so much more classy.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “In this century, as in any other, men wore the comfortable, practical stuff, and the women wandered round expiring underneath over-decorated tea-cosies and with inadequate footwear.”

97. “In this century, as in any other, men wore the comfortable, practical stuff, and the women wandered round expiring underneath over-decorated tea-cosies and with inadequate footwear.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Of course, they all tried to stand at the same end of the table, which at once tipped over. They landed slightly less gracefully than the dancing hippos in Fantasia.”

98. “Of course, they all tried to stand at the same end of the table, which at once tipped over. They landed slightly less gracefully than the dancing hippos in Fantasia.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “She said nothing in a manner that conveyed volumes. I said nothing in a manner that I hoped conveyed my complete innocence. She said nothing in a manner that conveyed her disbelief in my complete innocence. I said nothing in a manner that conveyed my hurt at this lack of trust in me. She said nothing in a manner that effortlessly conveyed the message that Dr Bairstow wished to see me at his earliest convenience and to collect Dr Peterson while I was at it.”

99. “She said nothing in a manner that conveyed volumes. I said nothing in a manner that I hoped conveyed my complete innocence. She said nothing in a manner that conveyed her disbelief in my complete innocence. I said nothing in a manner that conveyed my hurt at this lack of trust in me. She said nothing in a manner that effortlessly conveyed the message that Dr Bairstow wished to see me at his earliest convenience and to collect Dr Peterson while I was at it.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Jenny, I’m so sorry. I think I may have encouraged you to marry a madman.’ ‘Yes, we’re going to be discussing this later. Oh.”

100. “Jenny, I’m so sorry. I think I may have encouraged you to marry a madman.’ ‘Yes, we’re going to be discussing this later. Oh.”

— Jodi Taylor

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