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Top 120 Jodi Taylor Quotes (2026 Update)
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Jodi Taylor Quote: “My margarita-laden mind was struggling to cope. ‘We are History’s instruments,’ Markham cried, dramatically. ‘Tools, more like,’ I said. ‘We are the Tools of History.”

51. “My margarita-laden mind was struggling to cope. ‘We are History’s instruments,’ Markham cried, dramatically. ‘Tools, more like,’ I said. ‘We are the Tools of History.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “What chest?’ I said, because everyone knows if you ignore persistent, throbbing pain then it goes away. Like toothache. And small children. And overdrafts.”

52. “What chest?’ I said, because everyone knows if you ignore persistent, throbbing pain then it goes away. Like toothache. And small children. And overdrafts.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I’m not a surgeon.’ ‘You don’t have to be. You’re an engineer. That’s almost the same thing.’ ‘Your ignorance is frightening.”

53. “I’m not a surgeon.’ ‘You don’t have to be. You’re an engineer. That’s almost the same thing.’ ‘Your ignorance is frightening.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Dr Maxwell. Why are you wearing a red snake in my office?’ ‘Sorry, sir. Whose office should I be wearing it in?”

54. “Dr Maxwell. Why are you wearing a red snake in my office?’ ‘Sorry, sir. Whose office should I be wearing it in?”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The only talents he possessed were delusions of adequacy.”

55. “The only talents he possessed were delusions of adequacy.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “As a measure of our consternation, one or two people nearly put down their cups of tea.”

56. “As a measure of our consternation, one or two people nearly put down their cups of tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The pay is terrible and the conditions are worse, but it’s a wonderful place to work – they have some talented people there.”

57. “The pay is terrible and the conditions are worse, but it’s a wonderful place to work – they have some talented people there.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The Society for the Protection of Historical Buildings was the official body whose task it was to oversee repairs and maintenance to our beloved but battered listed building. We had them on speed-dial. They had us on their black list.”

58. “The Society for the Protection of Historical Buildings was the official body whose task it was to oversee repairs and maintenance to our beloved but battered listed building. We had them on speed-dial. They had us on their black list.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The three of them must disappear. Start a new life in a strange, new, foreign world. America, maybe. Or Manchester.”

59. “The three of them must disappear. Start a new life in a strange, new, foreign world. America, maybe. Or Manchester.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “His problem is that he thinks he’s not measuring up to me. What he doesn’t see is that he doesn’t have to.”

60. “His problem is that he thinks he’s not measuring up to me. What he doesn’t see is that he doesn’t have to.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Trust me, adhering to everyone else’s rules is unrewarding, emotionally exhausting and not a lot of fun.”

61. “Trust me, adhering to everyone else’s rules is unrewarding, emotionally exhausting and not a lot of fun.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Whatever it is, you need to face it down. You give it a good kicking, because that’s what you have to do. Then you walk away. And then you turn around, walk back and give it an even bigger one, just because you can.”

62. “Whatever it is, you need to face it down. You give it a good kicking, because that’s what you have to do. Then you walk away. And then you turn around, walk back and give it an even bigger one, just because you can.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Mr Sussman; you are not a Jedi Knight. Kindly amend the details in Box 3.”

63. “Mr Sussman; you are not a Jedi Knight. Kindly amend the details in Box 3.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Something writhed inside me and for a moment I was back in those long dark days when my world was so small I couldn’t even stand up in it.”

64. “Something writhed inside me and for a moment I was back in those long dark days when my world was so small I couldn’t even stand up in it.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Show me a cup of tea and I’ll show you at least two historians attached to it.”

65. “Show me a cup of tea and I’ll show you at least two historians attached to it.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “She fought off a T-rex with just a pepper spray and bad language. You couldn’t be in better hands.”

66. “She fought off a T-rex with just a pepper spray and bad language. You couldn’t be in better hands.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Teenagers are inarticulate, acne-ridden lumps of inert matter. The only way you can ever induce movement is by trying to separate one from its mobile phone. And if you can do that then the only way you can stop it attacking is with rhinoceros tranquiliser.”

67. “Teenagers are inarticulate, acne-ridden lumps of inert matter. The only way you can ever induce movement is by trying to separate one from its mobile phone. And if you can do that then the only way you can stop it attacking is with rhinoceros tranquiliser.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “A few days later, Peterson and I were called to his office, handed the familiar file folders, and told to get on with it. And to take Mr Markham with us. I didn’t enquire, but I definitely got the impression that bringing him back was a bit of an optional extra.”

68. “A few days later, Peterson and I were called to his office, handed the familiar file folders, and told to get on with it. And to take Mr Markham with us. I didn’t enquire, but I definitely got the impression that bringing him back was a bit of an optional extra.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “There should be medals struck for men who produce tea at exactly the moment it’s needed.”

69. “There should be medals struck for men who produce tea at exactly the moment it’s needed.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I’m the world’s lightest sleeper. On a bad day, I can make Lady Macbeth look like a raging narcoleptic.”

70. “I’m the world’s lightest sleeper. On a bad day, I can make Lady Macbeth look like a raging narcoleptic.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “And it’s not just any old panic. It’s highly trained panic. It’s taken years of hard work and practice. Please don’t mock.”

71. “And it’s not just any old panic. It’s highly trained panic. It’s taken years of hard work and practice. Please don’t mock.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “It’s all very well having these emotional moments, but eventually after two cups of tea, someone has to go to the bathroom.”

72. “It’s all very well having these emotional moments, but eventually after two cups of tea, someone has to go to the bathroom.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I’m almost certain the assignment was simply to observe and document. I distinctly remember saying so.’ ‘Indeed you did, sir, but you know us. Always ready to go that extra mile.’ ‘If you only knew how often I pray that some of you would go those extra miles.”

73. “I’m almost certain the assignment was simply to observe and document. I distinctly remember saying so.’ ‘Indeed you did, sir, but you know us. Always ready to go that extra mile.’ ‘If you only knew how often I pray that some of you would go those extra miles.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “She picked up a slice of Victoria Sponge, broke it into large pieces and tossed them in their direction. I hadn’t had any yet, and could not suppress a small whimper. ‘It’s for science, Director,’ she said. ‘We must all make sacrifices.”

74. “She picked up a slice of Victoria Sponge, broke it into large pieces and tossed them in their direction. I hadn’t had any yet, and could not suppress a small whimper. ‘It’s for science, Director,’ she said. ‘We must all make sacrifices.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I made you,’ I said darkly. ‘I can break you.’ He snorted. And.”

75. “I made you,’ I said darkly. ‘I can break you.’ He snorted. And.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The ground never opens up and swallows you when you need it to.”

76. “The ground never opens up and swallows you when you need it to.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Attention span of a – what was I saying?”

77. “Attention span of a – what was I saying?”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

78. “Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “This had once been a garden. Beautiful glazed pots stood against the walls but now were cracked, crumbling, and contained only dead bushes and weeds. A broken wooden bench had been overturned and lay forlornly on its side. Perhaps even gardens were considered sinful.”

79. “This had once been a garden. Beautiful glazed pots stood against the walls but now were cracked, crumbling, and contained only dead bushes and weeds. A broken wooden bench had been overturned and lay forlornly on its side. Perhaps even gardens were considered sinful.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “In an organisation that already contains you, Dr Maxwell, the acquisition of any further irritants would be superfluous.”

80. “In an organisation that already contains you, Dr Maxwell, the acquisition of any further irritants would be superfluous.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I suspect the Universe is making damned sure we don’t get the chance to contaminate other planets with our stupidity. It’s keeping us on this one where the only thing we can damage is each other.”

81. “I suspect the Universe is making damned sure we don’t get the chance to contaminate other planets with our stupidity. It’s keeping us on this one where the only thing we can damage is each other.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “We need to be clear on this. I don’t like children. There isn’t an orifice that doesn’t exude something unpleasant. Sometimes, all of them exude simultaneously.”

82. “We need to be clear on this. I don’t like children. There isn’t an orifice that doesn’t exude something unpleasant. Sometimes, all of them exude simultaneously.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “You’re really not fit to be allowed out on your own, are you?’ ‘So, what’s the damage?’ ‘How do you want it? From head to toe? Alphabetically? Chronologically?’ ‘Surprise me.’ ‘Well, your feet are holding up well.’ ‘Glad to hear it. I’ll be on my way then.”

83. “You’re really not fit to be allowed out on your own, are you?’ ‘So, what’s the damage?’ ‘How do you want it? From head to toe? Alphabetically? Chronologically?’ ‘Surprise me.’ ‘Well, your feet are holding up well.’ ‘Glad to hear it. I’ll be on my way then.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I am being nice to you. It’s not my fault you’re too thick to notice.”

84. “I am being nice to you. It’s not my fault you’re too thick to notice.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “All bosses are interchangeable. The only difference is how they like their tea.”

85. “All bosses are interchangeable. The only difference is how they like their tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “The hero of his age. And yes, he really did have that bloody awful pudding-bowl haircut. They all did. Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

86. “The hero of his age. And yes, he really did have that bloody awful pudding-bowl haircut. They all did. Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I know the whole world isn’t really out to get me. I’m pretty sure Switzerland is neutral.”

87. “I know the whole world isn’t really out to get me. I’m pretty sure Switzerland is neutral.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I really don’t know why these things are always passed down through the male line – girl children are much more robust than their brothers, and let’s face it, Max – while here may always be doubt about the identity of the father, most people are usually fairly clear about who the mother is.”

88. “I really don’t know why these things are always passed down through the male line – girl children are much more robust than their brothers, and let’s face it, Max – while here may always be doubt about the identity of the father, most people are usually fairly clear about who the mother is.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I could have been a bomb-disposal expert, or a volunteer for the Mars mission, or a firefighter, or something safe and sensible. But no, I had to be an historian.”

89. “I could have been a bomb-disposal expert, or a volunteer for the Mars mission, or a firefighter, or something safe and sensible. But no, I had to be an historian.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Typical St Mary’s. When the chips are down we don’t whine and we don’t run – we do some damage.”

90. “Typical St Mary’s. When the chips are down we don’t whine and we don’t run – we do some damage.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Dr Bairstow regarded him icily. ‘All my staff are handpicked.’ ‘That’s quite true, actually,’ said Markham, sunnily. ‘I’ve been handpicked many times. Mug shots. Police line-ups. ID parades. People are always pointing at me and shouting, “That’s him.”.”

91. “Dr Bairstow regarded him icily. ‘All my staff are handpicked.’ ‘That’s quite true, actually,’ said Markham, sunnily. ‘I’ve been handpicked many times. Mug shots. Police line-ups. ID parades. People are always pointing at me and shouting, “That’s him.”.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I avoided Thomas Hardy because everyone should, and anyway, I was depressed enough.”

92. “I avoided Thomas Hardy because everyone should, and anyway, I was depressed enough.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Sad, but that’s the way it is. All empires fall sooner or later. I’ve said it before – a large part of our job is watching people die. We read of these events in the History books and it’s all a comfortably long time ago. And yes, I know – out of destruction comes new beginnings – other people have their chance to flourish – but, it’s not easy to watch. Nor should it be.”

93. “Sad, but that’s the way it is. All empires fall sooner or later. I’ve said it before – a large part of our job is watching people die. We read of these events in the History books and it’s all a comfortably long time ago. And yes, I know – out of destruction comes new beginnings – other people have their chance to flourish – but, it’s not easy to watch. Nor should it be.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “We’re St Mary’s. We run on tea.”

94. “We’re St Mary’s. We run on tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I heard the Boss murmur, ‘I sometimes wonder what goes on in that kitchen,’ and we continued with the briefing.”

95. “I heard the Boss murmur, ‘I sometimes wonder what goes on in that kitchen,’ and we continued with the briefing.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “I don’t know how to put this, but sometimes, you don’t know how unhappy someone is until you see them before the unhappiness.”

96. “I don’t know how to put this, but sometimes, you don’t know how unhappy someone is until you see them before the unhappiness.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “These days, people actually sought me out and asked me for advice on personal relationships, romantic problems, and social issues which, quite honestly, is a bit like asking an anorexic for recipes.”

97. “These days, people actually sought me out and asked me for advice on personal relationships, romantic problems, and social issues which, quite honestly, is a bit like asking an anorexic for recipes.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Mrs Mack, kitchen supremo, watched me in silence and then took my plate from me and began to load up a pile of vegetables. I watched in horror. No good ever comes of eating green food.”

98. “Mrs Mack, kitchen supremo, watched me in silence and then took my plate from me and began to load up a pile of vegetables. I watched in horror. No good ever comes of eating green food.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “She frowned severely. ‘You can’t fire missiles at the Inland Revenue.’ ‘Sorry.’ ‘You can’t get clearance over the walls. The angles are wrong.”

99. “She frowned severely. ‘You can’t fire missiles at the Inland Revenue.’ ‘Sorry.’ ‘You can’t get clearance over the walls. The angles are wrong.”

— Jodi Taylor

Jodi Taylor Quote: “Tell me, sir, when you first set up St Mary’s all those years ago – all that effort and expense – did you ever think it would be like this?’ He poured me a glass of something and pushed it across the desk. ‘Dr Maxwell, I expended a very great deal of money and effort to ensure that St Mary’s ended up exactly like this.’ I grinned and raised my glass. ‘Good job, sir.’ He inclined his head, graciously accepting his due. ‘Thank you, Dr Maxwell.”

100. “Tell me, sir, when you first set up St Mary’s all those years ago – all that effort and expense – did you ever think it would be like this?’ He poured me a glass of something and pushed it across the desk. ‘Dr Maxwell, I expended a very great deal of money and effort to ensure that St Mary’s ended up exactly like this.’ I grinned and raised my glass. ‘Good job, sir.’ He inclined his head, graciously accepting his due. ‘Thank you, Dr Maxwell.”

— Jodi Taylor

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