Top 120 Jodi Taylor Quotes (2026 Update)
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51. “The Society for the Protection of Historical Buildings was the official body whose task it was to oversee repairs and maintenance to our beloved but battered listed building. We had them on speed-dial. They had us on their black list.”

— Jodi Taylor

52. “The three of them must disappear. Start a new life in a strange, new, foreign world. America, maybe. Or Manchester.”

— Jodi Taylor

53. “His problem is that he thinks he’s not measuring up to me. What he doesn’t see is that he doesn’t have to.”

— Jodi Taylor

54. “And of course, in rounders, the balls don’t usually come at you with homicidal intent. That’s hockey.”

— Jodi Taylor

55. “The hero of his age. And yes, he really did have that bloody awful pudding-bowl haircut. They all did. Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

— Jodi Taylor

56. “I know the whole world isn’t really out to get me. I’m pretty sure Switzerland is neutral.”

— Jodi Taylor

57. “I really don’t know why these things are always passed down through the male line – girl children are much more robust than their brothers, and let’s face it, Max – while here may always be doubt about the identity of the father, most people are usually fairly clear about who the mother is.”

— Jodi Taylor

58. “I could have been a bomb-disposal expert, or a volunteer for the Mars mission, or a firefighter, or something safe and sensible. But no, I had to be an historian.”

— Jodi Taylor

59. “Rules give anarchy something to aim at.”

— Jodi Taylor

60. “Teenagers are inarticulate, acne-ridden lumps of inert matter. The only way you can ever induce movement is by trying to separate one from its mobile phone. And if you can do that then the only way you can stop it attacking is with rhinoceros tranquiliser.”

— Jodi Taylor

61. “He was calm and soothing and had a reasonable explanation for everything. No woman should have to put up with that.”

— Jodi Taylor

62. “My margarita-laden mind was struggling to cope. ‘We are History’s instruments,’ Markham cried, dramatically. ‘Tools, more like,’ I said. ‘We are the Tools of History.”

— Jodi Taylor

63. “I’m the world’s lightest sleeper. On a bad day, I can make Lady Macbeth look like a raging narcoleptic.”

— Jodi Taylor

64. “And it’s not just any old panic. It’s highly trained panic. It’s taken years of hard work and practice. Please don’t mock.”

— Jodi Taylor

65. “I’m not a surgeon.’ ‘You don’t have to be. You’re an engineer. That’s almost the same thing.’ ‘Your ignorance is frightening.”

— Jodi Taylor

66. “The only talents he possessed were delusions of adequacy.”

— Jodi Taylor

67. “It’s all very well having these emotional moments, but eventually after two cups of tea, someone has to go to the bathroom.”

— Jodi Taylor

68. “I’m almost certain the assignment was simply to observe and document. I distinctly remember saying so.’ ‘Indeed you did, sir, but you know us. Always ready to go that extra mile.’ ‘If you only knew how often I pray that some of you would go those extra miles.”

— Jodi Taylor

69. “The pay is terrible and the conditions are worse, but it’s a wonderful place to work – they have some talented people there.”

— Jodi Taylor

70. “She picked up a slice of Victoria Sponge, broke it into large pieces and tossed them in their direction. I hadn’t had any yet, and could not suppress a small whimper. ‘It’s for science, Director,’ she said. ‘We must all make sacrifices.”

— Jodi Taylor

71. “I made you,’ I said darkly. ‘I can break you.’ He snorted. And.”

— Jodi Taylor

72. “The ground never opens up and swallows you when you need it to.”

— Jodi Taylor

73. “Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

— Jodi Taylor

74. “This had once been a garden. Beautiful glazed pots stood against the walls but now were cracked, crumbling, and contained only dead bushes and weeds. A broken wooden bench had been overturned and lay forlornly on its side. Perhaps even gardens were considered sinful.”

— Jodi Taylor

75. “In an organisation that already contains you, Dr Maxwell, the acquisition of any further irritants would be superfluous.”

— Jodi Taylor

76. “Are you sexually active?’ ‘No. I usually just lie back and think of the Spartans.”

— Jodi Taylor

77. “We need to be clear on this. I don’t like children. There isn’t an orifice that doesn’t exude something unpleasant. Sometimes, all of them exude simultaneously.”

— Jodi Taylor

78. “Some things were above my pay grade. Actually, there were things that slithered on their bellies that were higher than my pay grade.”

— Jodi Taylor

79. “You’re really not fit to be allowed out on your own, are you?’ ‘So, what’s the damage?’ ‘How do you want it? From head to toe? Alphabetically? Chronologically?’ ‘Surprise me.’ ‘Well, your feet are holding up well.’ ‘Glad to hear it. I’ll be on my way then.”

— Jodi Taylor

80. “I am being nice to you. It’s not my fault you’re too thick to notice.”

— Jodi Taylor

81. “Trust me, adhering to everyone else’s rules is unrewarding, emotionally exhausting and not a lot of fun.”

— Jodi Taylor

82. “All bosses are interchangeable. The only difference is how they like their tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

83. “Beautiful books, full of knowledge and beauty and ideas. All lost, thanks to a mad monk who, in the end, became a little too mad even for the church he served.”

— Jodi Taylor

84. “Partridge was pretending not to lurk near the stairs. ‘The body’s under the desk,’ I said as I passed, just to give her something to worry about.”

— Jodi Taylor

85. “The screaming redoubled. You put dinosaurs and people together, you always get screaming.”

— Jodi Taylor

86. “We don’t do time-travel. That’s for amateurs. We’re not time-travellers – we’re historians. We ‘investigate major historical events in contemporary time’. so much more classy.”

— Jodi Taylor

87. “In this century, as in any other, men wore the comfortable, practical stuff, and the women wandered round expiring underneath over-decorated tea-cosies and with inadequate footwear.”

— Jodi Taylor

88. “Mr Sussman; you are not a Jedi Knight. Kindly amend the details in Box 3.”

— Jodi Taylor

89. “Of course, they all tried to stand at the same end of the table, which at once tipped over. They landed slightly less gracefully than the dancing hippos in Fantasia.”

— Jodi Taylor

90. “She said nothing in a manner that conveyed volumes. I said nothing in a manner that I hoped conveyed my complete innocence. She said nothing in a manner that conveyed her disbelief in my complete innocence. I said nothing in a manner that conveyed my hurt at this lack of trust in me. She said nothing in a manner that effortlessly conveyed the message that Dr Bairstow wished to see me at his earliest convenience and to collect Dr Peterson while I was at it.”

— Jodi Taylor

91. “Jenny, I’m so sorry. I think I may have encouraged you to marry a madman.’ ‘Yes, we’re going to be discussing this later. Oh.”

— Jodi Taylor

92. “You’re a felon?’ It takes talent to hiss when there isn’t a single ‘s’ in the sentence. ‘Well, yes. Aren’t you?”

— Jodi Taylor

93. “Silence holds no fears for me. I never feel the urge to fill it as so many other people do.”

— Jodi Taylor

94. “Believe it or not, there were rules. Everyone needs rules. After all, how can you break what doesn’t exist? Rules give anarchy something to aim at.”

— Jodi Taylor

95. “Well, you don’t snore like bathwater going down the plughole.’ We listened some more. ‘It’s very – loud.’ ‘He certainly sleeps with enthusiasm.”

— Jodi Taylor

96. “Typical St Mary’s. When the chips are down we don’t whine and we don’t run – we do some damage.”

— Jodi Taylor

97. “Maybe a pig would fly past with a nice cup of tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

98. “A few days later, Peterson and I were called to his office, handed the familiar file folders, and told to get on with it. And to take Mr Markham with us. I didn’t enquire, but I definitely got the impression that bringing him back was a bit of an optional extra.”

— Jodi Taylor

99. “There should be medals struck for men who produce tea at exactly the moment it’s needed.”

— Jodi Taylor

100. “Dr Bairstow regarded him icily. ‘All my staff are handpicked.’ ‘That’s quite true, actually,’ said Markham, sunnily. ‘I’ve been handpicked many times. Mug shots. Police line-ups. ID parades. People are always pointing at me and shouting, “That’s him.”.”

— Jodi Taylor