Top 120 Jodi Taylor Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “He was calm and soothing and had a reasonable explanation for everything. No woman should have to put up with that.”

— Jodi Taylor

52. “Some things were above my pay grade. Actually, there were things that slithered on their bellies that were higher than my pay grade.”

— Jodi Taylor

53. “You’re really not fit to be allowed out on your own, are you?’ ‘So, what’s the damage?’ ‘How do you want it? From head to toe? Alphabetically? Chronologically?’ ‘Surprise me.’ ‘Well, your feet are holding up well.’ ‘Glad to hear it. I’ll be on my way then.”

— Jodi Taylor

54. “Something writhed inside me and for a moment I was back in those long dark days when my world was so small I couldn’t even stand up in it.”

— Jodi Taylor

55. “Teenagers are inarticulate, acne-ridden lumps of inert matter. The only way you can ever induce movement is by trying to separate one from its mobile phone. And if you can do that then the only way you can stop it attacking is with rhinoceros tranquiliser.”

— Jodi Taylor

56. “Dr Maxwell. Why are you wearing a red snake in my office?’ ‘Sorry, sir. Whose office should I be wearing it in?”

— Jodi Taylor

57. “The only talents he possessed were delusions of adequacy.”

— Jodi Taylor

58. “And of course, in rounders, the balls don’t usually come at you with homicidal intent. That’s hockey.”

— Jodi Taylor

59. “The hero of his age. And yes, he really did have that bloody awful pudding-bowl haircut. They all did. Whether Henry was a royal trendsetter or it was practical under their helmets, I didn’t know. I certainly couldn’t think of any other reason for having the most hideous hairstyle in a History that includes Donald Trump.”

— Jodi Taylor

60. “This had once been a garden. Beautiful glazed pots stood against the walls but now were cracked, crumbling, and contained only dead bushes and weeds. A broken wooden bench had been overturned and lay forlornly on its side. Perhaps even gardens were considered sinful.”

— Jodi Taylor

61. “What chest?’ I said, because everyone knows if you ignore persistent, throbbing pain then it goes away. Like toothache. And small children. And overdrafts.”

— Jodi Taylor

62. “I’m not a surgeon.’ ‘You don’t have to be. You’re an engineer. That’s almost the same thing.’ ‘Your ignorance is frightening.”

— Jodi Taylor

63. “You’re a felon?’ It takes talent to hiss when there isn’t a single ‘s’ in the sentence. ‘Well, yes. Aren’t you?”

— Jodi Taylor

64. “Sad, but that’s the way it is. All empires fall sooner or later. I’ve said it before – a large part of our job is watching people die. We read of these events in the History books and it’s all a comfortably long time ago. And yes, I know – out of destruction comes new beginnings – other people have their chance to flourish – but, it’s not easy to watch. Nor should it be.”

— Jodi Taylor

65. “My margarita-laden mind was struggling to cope. ‘We are History’s instruments,’ Markham cried, dramatically. ‘Tools, more like,’ I said. ‘We are the Tools of History.”

— Jodi Taylor

66. “Henry V and the Battle of Agincourt.”

— Jodi Taylor

67. “She frowned severely. ‘You can’t fire missiles at the Inland Revenue.’ ‘Sorry.’ ‘You can’t get clearance over the walls. The angles are wrong.”

— Jodi Taylor

68. “Of course, they all tried to stand at the same end of the table, which at once tipped over. They landed slightly less gracefully than the dancing hippos in Fantasia.”

— Jodi Taylor

69. “Tell me, sir, when you first set up St Mary’s all those years ago – all that effort and expense – did you ever think it would be like this?’ He poured me a glass of something and pushed it across the desk. ‘Dr Maxwell, I expended a very great deal of money and effort to ensure that St Mary’s ended up exactly like this.’ I grinned and raised my glass. ‘Good job, sir.’ He inclined his head, graciously accepting his due. ‘Thank you, Dr Maxwell.”

— Jodi Taylor

70. “I suspect the Universe is making damned sure we don’t get the chance to contaminate other planets with our stupidity. It’s keeping us on this one where the only thing we can damage is each other.”

— Jodi Taylor

71. “There should be medals struck for men who produce tea at exactly the moment it’s needed.”

— Jodi Taylor

72. “Dr Bairstow regarded him icily. ‘All my staff are handpicked.’ ‘That’s quite true, actually,’ said Markham, sunnily. ‘I’ve been handpicked many times. Mug shots. Police line-ups. ID parades. People are always pointing at me and shouting, “That’s him.”.”

— Jodi Taylor

73. “Snow White was such a wuss. All that housework. Looking after seven men. And she sang while she was doing it. That girl was not bright.”

— Jodi Taylor

74. “We need to be clear on this. I don’t like children. There isn’t an orifice that doesn’t exude something unpleasant. Sometimes, all of them exude simultaneously.”

— Jodi Taylor

75. “The screaming redoubled. You put dinosaurs and people together, you always get screaming.”

— Jodi Taylor

76. “I know the whole world isn’t really out to get me. I’m pretty sure Switzerland is neutral.”

— Jodi Taylor

77. “These days, people actually sought me out and asked me for advice on personal relationships, romantic problems, and social issues which, quite honestly, is a bit like asking an anorexic for recipes.”

— Jodi Taylor

78. “We don’t do time-travel. That’s for amateurs. We’re not time-travellers – we’re historians. We ‘investigate major historical events in contemporary time’. so much more classy.”

— Jodi Taylor

79. “I’m almost certain the assignment was simply to observe and document. I distinctly remember saying so.’ ‘Indeed you did, sir, but you know us. Always ready to go that extra mile.’ ‘If you only knew how often I pray that some of you would go those extra miles.”

— Jodi Taylor

80. “As a measure of our consternation, one or two people nearly put down their cups of tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

81. “He had fallen for Cal like a sperm-whale failing to clear the Grand Canyon on a bicycle.”

— Jodi Taylor

82. “Typical St Mary’s. When the chips are down we don’t whine and we don’t run – we do some damage.”

— Jodi Taylor

83. “But mostly we’re fairly light-hearted because we have to be. People die here, and if we ever stopped and thought carefully about what we do, then we might not do it at all. If.”

— Jodi Taylor

84. “Maybe a pig would fly past with a nice cup of tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

85. “I ever retire, I’m going to buy a house in the centre of town somewhere and name it Sea View, just to give people something to worry about.”

— Jodi Taylor

86. “We’re St Mary’s. We run on tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

87. “All bosses are interchangeable. The only difference is how they like their tea.”

— Jodi Taylor

88. “I heard the Boss murmur, ‘I sometimes wonder what goes on in that kitchen,’ and we continued with the briefing.”

— Jodi Taylor

89. “Beautiful books, full of knowledge and beauty and ideas. All lost, thanks to a mad monk who, in the end, became a little too mad even for the church he served.”

— Jodi Taylor

90. “The sensible thing to do would be to depart. Immediately. Therefore, we stayed. Actually, I don’t think wild horses could have dragged us out of that room. We’re historians. When it comes to sensible thinking, someone else has to do the heavy lifting.”

— Jodi Taylor

91. “Silence holds no fears for me. I never feel the urge to fill it as so many other people do.”

— Jodi Taylor

92. “I certainly wasn’t where I should be and it would be the cautious, the sensible thing to do. But, for God’s sake, I was an historian and cautious and sensible were things that happened to other people. I.”

— Jodi Taylor

93. “Believe it or not, there were rules. Everyone needs rules. After all, how can you break what doesn’t exist? Rules give anarchy something to aim at.”

— Jodi Taylor

94. “Attention span of a – what was I saying?”

— Jodi Taylor

95. “Well, you don’t snore like bathwater going down the plughole.’ We listened some more. ‘It’s very – loud.’ ‘He certainly sleeps with enthusiasm.”

— Jodi Taylor

96. “Those wishing to grow a beard should note they are fashionable for men only.”

— Jodi Taylor

97. “The doctor will be with you soon. He said you had beautiful lacerations, and it was a pleasure to patch you up. He was quite enthusiastic.’ She grinned. ‘He doesn’t get out much.”

— Jodi Taylor

98. “And it’s not just any old panic. It’s highly trained panic. It’s taken years of hard work and practice. Please don’t mock.”

— Jodi Taylor

99. “I am being nice to you. It’s not my fault you’re too thick to notice.”

— Jodi Taylor

100. “Trust me, adhering to everyone else’s rules is unrewarding, emotionally exhausting and not a lot of fun.”

— Jodi Taylor