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Top 25 Joe E. Lewis Quotes (2024 Update)

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!”

1. “You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I’m still chasing girls. I don’t remember what for, but I’m still chasing them.”

2. “I’m still chasing girls. I don’t remember what for, but I’m still chasing them.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “It doesn’t matter whether you are rich or poor – as long as you’ve got money.”

3. “It doesn’t matter whether you are rich or poor – as long as you’ve got money.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.”

4. “I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”

5. “I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “There’s only one thing money won’t buy, and that is poverty.”

6. “There’s only one thing money won’t buy, and that is poverty.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.”

7. “I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely.”

8. “I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “If you drink like a fish, don’t drive: swim.”

9. “If you drink like a fish, don’t drive: swim.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I’m thirsty, not dirty.”

10. “Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I’m thirsty, not dirty.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “Show me a friend in need and I’ll show you a pest.”

11. “Show me a friend in need and I’ll show you a pest.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “We can afford almost any mistake once.”

12. “We can afford almost any mistake once.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.”

13. “I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants on.”

14. “Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants on.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I drink to forget I drink.”

15. “I drink to forget I drink.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I always wake up at the crack of ice.”

16. “I always wake up at the crack of ice.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I don’t drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.”

17. “I don’t drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.”

18. “A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “It pays to get drunk with the best people.”

19. “It pays to get drunk with the best people.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.”

20. “I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.”

21. “I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I’ve been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.”

22. “I’ve been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I don’t like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.”

23. “I don’t like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.”

24. “They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.”

25. “Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.”

26. “Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I would take a bomb, but I can’t stand the noise.”

27. “I would take a bomb, but I can’t stand the noise.”

— Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I don’t drink anymore – just the same amount.”

28. “I don’t drink anymore – just the same amount.”

— Joe E. Lewis

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