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Top 25 Joe E. Lewis Quotes (2025 Update)

Joe E. Lewis Quote: “You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I’m still chasing girls. I don’t remember what for, but I’m still chasing them.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “It doesn’t matter whether you are rich or poor – as long as you’ve got money.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “There’s only one thing money won’t buy, and that is poverty.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “If you drink like a fish, don’t drive: swim.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I’m thirsty, not dirty.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “Show me a friend in need and I’ll show you a pest.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “We can afford almost any mistake once.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants on.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I drink to forget I drink.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I always wake up at the crack of ice.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I don’t drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “It pays to get drunk with the best people.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I’ve been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I don’t like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I would take a bomb, but I can’t stand the noise.”
Joe E. Lewis Quote: “I don’t drink anymore – just the same amount.”
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