Top 90 John Gray Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Take time off to give to yourself, in a sense to fill yourself up to fullness, to where now you can overflow in giving.”

— John Gray

2. “Success lies in doing not what others consider to be great but what you consider to be right.”

— John Gray

3. “To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.”

— John Gray

4. “A women under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood.”

— John Gray

5. “When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer.”

— John Gray

6. “If we are to feel the positive feelings of love, happiness, trust, and gratitude, we periodically also have to feel anger, sadness, fear, and sorrow.”

— John Gray

7. “You may wish to be loving – you may even try with all your might – but your love will never be pure unless you are free from resentment. When we are free from resentment, loving is effortless. When we have to try hard to love, this is generally a sign that we are repressing our resentments...”

— John Gray

8. “Because she is afraid of not being supported, she unknowingly pushes away the support she needs.”

— John Gray

9. “We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways – the ways we react and behave when we love someone.”

— John Gray

10. “To love someone is to acknowledge the goodness of who they are. Through loving a person we awaken their awareness of their own innate goodness. It is as though they cannot know how worthy they are until they look into the mirror of our love and see themselves.”

— John Gray

11. “A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.”

— John Gray

12. “To grow in our ability to love ourselves we need to receive love as well.”

— John Gray

13. “Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished.”

— John Gray

14. “Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Women primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.”

— John Gray

15. “Love brings up our unresolved feelings. One day we are feeling loved, and the next day we are suddenly afraid to trust love. The painful memories of being rejected begin to surface when we are faced with trusting and accepting our partner’s love .”

— John Gray

16. “What you feel, you can heal.”

— John Gray

17. “The number one way a man can succeed in fulfilling a woman’s primary love needs is through communication. By learning to listen to a woman’s feelings, a man can effectively shower a woman with caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance...”

— John Gray

18. “Find something that feels good, that resonates with your heart.”

— John Gray

19. “Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problems.”

— John Gray

20. “As precious as knowledge itself is the learning. As precious as any reward is the earning.”

— John Gray

21. “Life is filled with rhythms-day and night, hot and cold, summer and winter, spring and fall, cloudy and clear. Likewise in a relationship, men and women have their own rhythms and cycles.”

— John Gray

22. “Mental chemistry creates interest, Emotional chemistry Generates Affection, Physical chemistry generates desire, and Spiritual chemistry creates love. A soulmate includes all four... and I will not settle for anything less!”

— John Gray

23. “Anything that makes you feel good is always going to be drawing in more.”

— John Gray

24. “I would love you all the day, every night we would kiss and play, if with me you’d fondly stray, over the hills and far away.”

— John Gray

25. “Men need to remember that women talk about problems to get close and not necessarily to get solutions.”

— John Gray

26. “Get the love you deserve and gave your partner the love and support he deserves.”

— John Gray

27. “Remember, if a man needs to pull away like a rubber band, when he returns he will be back with a lot more love. Then he can listen. This is the best time to initiate conversation.”

— John Gray

28. “That love motivates you to cooperate, respect, appreciate, cherish, and admire that person.”

— John Gray

29. “To summarize the two most common mistakes we make in relationships: 1. A man tries to change a woman’s feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr. Fix-It and offering solutions to her problems that invalidate her feelings. 2. A woman tries to change a man’s behavior when he makes mistakes by becoming the home-improvement committee and offering unsolicited advice or criticism.”

— John Gray

30. “Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding.”

— John Gray

31. “If I seek to fulfill my own needs at the expense of my partner, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment, and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.”

— John Gray

32. “Men go to their caves... Women talk.”

— John Gray

33. “When misunderstandings arise, remember that we speak different languages; take the time necessary to translate what your partner really means or wants to say. This definitely takes practice, but it is well worth it.”

— John Gray

34. “Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do.”

— John Gray

35. “Today secular faith is ebbing, and it is the apostles of unbelief who are left stranded on the beach.”

— John Gray

36. “When negative feelings are suppressed positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies.”

— John Gray

37. “The success of a relationship is solely dependent on two factors: a man’s ability to listen lovingly and respectfully to a woman’s feelings, and a woman’s ability to share her feelings in a loving and respectful way.”

— John Gray

38. “Not only do men and women communicate differently but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need, and appreciate differently. They almost seem to be from different planets, speaking different languages and needing different nourishment.”

— John Gray

39. “A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent. He compensates for this fear by focusing on increasing his power and competence. Success, achievement, and efficiency are foremost in his life... A man appears most uncaring when he is afraid.”

— John Gray

40. “Men need to remember that when women seem upset and talk about problems is not the time to offer solutions; instead she needs to be heard, and gradually she will feel better on her own.”

— John Gray

41. “Treat her in ways you did at the beginning of the relationship.”

— John Gray

42. “Women are happy when they believe their needs will be met. When a woman is upset, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted, or hopeless what she needs most is simple companionship. She needs to feel she is not alone. She needs to feel loved and cherished.”

— John Gray

43. “A woman should not be judged for needing this reassurance, just as a man should not be judged for needing to withdraw.”

— John Gray

44. “Resist the temptation to explain to her that she is misinterpreting what you said. Once the hurt is there it needs to be heard if it is to be healed. Explanations are helpful only after the hurt is healed with some validation and caring understanding.”

— John Gray

45. “When she says “I feel like you are not even here,” he says “What do you mean I’m not here? Of course I am here. Don’t you see my body?”

— John Gray

46. “The more intimate we are with someone, the more difficult it is objectively to hear their point of view without reacting to their negative feelings. To protect ourselves from feeling worthy of their disrespect or disapproval automatic defenses come up to resist their point of view. Even if we agree with their point of view, we may stubbornly persist in arguing with them.”

— John Gray

47. “Men rarely say “I’m sorry” because on Mars it means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing. Women, however, say “I’m sorry” as a way to say “I care about what you are feeling.”

— John Gray

48. “You probably know stories of couples who never fight or argue and then suddenly to everyone’s surprise they decide to get a divorce. In many of these cases, the woman has suppressed her negative feelings to avoid having fights. As a result she becomes numb and unable to feel her love. When negative feelings are suppressed positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies. Avoiding arguments and fights certainly is healthy but not by suppressing feelings.”

— John Gray

49. “When a man feels accepted it is much easier for him to listen and give her the understanding she needs and deserves.”

— John Gray

50. “The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.”

— John Gray