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Top 60 John M. Gottman Quotes (2026 Update)
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John M. Gottman Quote: “I would like you to respect me” isn’t as good as, “I would like you to turn off your electronic devices at dinner so we can just talk to each other.”

51. “I would like you to respect me” isn’t as good as, “I would like you to turn off your electronic devices at dinner so we can just talk to each other.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “Gay and lesbian relationships operate on essentially the same principles as heterosexual relationships.”

52. “Gay and lesbian relationships operate on essentially the same principles as heterosexual relationships.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “Tiny little doses, every day, is what it takes to make a healthy relationship. Why? Because that’s exactly what a relationship is – not one big thing, but a million tiny things, every day, for a lifetime.”

53. “Tiny little doses, every day, is what it takes to make a healthy relationship. Why? Because that’s exactly what a relationship is – not one big thing, but a million tiny things, every day, for a lifetime.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.”

54. “Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “Yes, it’s serious and important work, but we also want you to have fun. Find the moments of humor. Find the joy, even when it feels difficult. Don’t forget why you fell in love with each other, and most important, don’t forget to laugh.”

55. “Yes, it’s serious and important work, but we also want you to have fun. Find the moments of humor. Find the joy, even when it feels difficult. Don’t forget why you fell in love with each other, and most important, don’t forget to laugh.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “Haim Ginott,10 who said that all emotions and all wishes are acceptable, but that not all behavior may be acceptable.”

56. “Haim Ginott,10 who said that all emotions and all wishes are acceptable, but that not all behavior may be acceptable.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “Active listening asks couples to perform Olympic-level emotional gymnastics even if their relationship can barely walk.”

57. “Active listening asks couples to perform Olympic-level emotional gymnastics even if their relationship can barely walk.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “The problem is that therapy that focuses solely on active listening and conflict resolution doesn’t work. A Munich-based marital therapy study conducted by Kurt Hahlweg and associates found that even after employing active-listening techniques the typical couple was still distressed. Those few couples who did benefit relapsed within a year.”

58. “The problem is that therapy that focuses solely on active listening and conflict resolution doesn’t work. A Munich-based marital therapy study conducted by Kurt Hahlweg and associates found that even after employing active-listening techniques the typical couple was still distressed. Those few couples who did benefit relapsed within a year.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “When a child has that strong emotional connection with a parent, the parent’s upset, disappointment, or anger creates enough pain in the child to become a disciplinary event in itself.”

59. “When a child has that strong emotional connection with a parent, the parent’s upset, disappointment, or anger creates enough pain in the child to become a disciplinary event in itself.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “I’ve found 94 percent of the time that couples who put a positive spin on their marriage’s history are likely to have a happy future as well. When happy memories are distorted, it’s a sign that the marriage needs help.”

60. “I’ve found 94 percent of the time that couples who put a positive spin on their marriage’s history are likely to have a happy future as well. When happy memories are distorted, it’s a sign that the marriage needs help.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “Although happily married couples may feel driven to distraction at times by their partner’s personality flaws, they still feel that the person they married is worthy of honor and respect.”

61. “Although happily married couples may feel driven to distraction at times by their partner’s personality flaws, they still feel that the person they married is worthy of honor and respect.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “In the Broadway play In Defense of the Cave Man, a man says that when he was first married, he saw his wife cleaning the bathroom and asked her, “Are we moving?” In his bachelor days that was the only time he and his roommates bothered to clean the bathroom.”

62. “In the Broadway play In Defense of the Cave Man, a man says that when he was first married, he saw his wife cleaning the bathroom and asked her, “Are we moving?” In his bachelor days that was the only time he and his roommates bothered to clean the bathroom.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “We’re not suggesting you be overly contrived about this and don’t want you to be flipping your hair back if she’s flipping hers. Just pay attention to her words and her body language, and you’ll start getting the social bonding going.”

63. “We’re not suggesting you be overly contrived about this and don’t want you to be flipping your hair back if she’s flipping hers. Just pay attention to her words and her body language, and you’ll start getting the social bonding going.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “For the rest of the semester, before every class, we talked for twenty minutes,” said Leah. “Just talked. About everything. He never asked me out, he never asked for my number, he just sat on those steps and asked about my life.”

64. “For the rest of the semester, before every class, we talked for twenty minutes,” said Leah. “Just talked. About everything. He never asked me out, he never asked for my number, he just sat on those steps and asked about my life.”

— John M. Gottman

John M. Gottman Quote: “Which scientific puzzle confounds the genius of Hawking? “Women,” he said. “They are a complete mystery.”

65. “Which scientific puzzle confounds the genius of Hawking? “Women,” he said. “They are a complete mystery.”

— John M. Gottman

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