Top 250 Josh Billings Quotes (2025 Update)
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251. “Vanity is a strange passion; rather than be out of a job it will brag of its vices.”

— Josh Billings

252. “A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.”

— Josh Billings

253. “Love is like the measles; we can’t have it bad but once, and the later in life we have it the tougher it goes with us.”

— Josh Billings

254. “I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine.”

— Josh Billings

255. “If the world despises a hypocrite, what must they think of him in heaven?”

— Josh Billings

256. “You can reach stupidity only with a cannon ball.”

— Josh Billings

257. “We should make virtue our master, not our servant.”

— Josh Billings

258. “Silence never makes any blunders.”

— Josh Billings

259. “Take the selfishness out of this world and there would be more happiness than we should know what to do with.”

— Josh Billings

260. “We hate those who will not take our advice, and despise them who do.”

— Josh Billings

261. “Morally considered, laughter is next to the Ten Commandments.”

— Josh Billings

262. “Admiration is a youthful fancy will which scarcely ever survives to mature years.”

— Josh Billings

263. “Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain’t handsome.”

— Josh Billings

264. “When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.”

— Josh Billings

265. “Take the humbug out of this world, and you haven’t much left to do business with.”

— Josh Billings

266. “Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.”

— Josh Billings

267. “Tears are a good alterative, but a poor diet.”

— Josh Billings

268. “The man who has never been tempted doesn’t know how dishonest he is.”

— Josh Billings

269. “Advice maybe wrong, but examples prove themselves.”

— Josh Billings

270. “Keep a cow, and the milk won’t have to be watered but once.”

— Josh Billings

271. “It iz comparitively eazy tew repent ov the sins that we hav committed, but tew repent ov thoze which we intend to commit, is asking tew mutch ov enny man, now days.”

— Josh Billings

272. “The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.”

— Josh Billings

273. “We have some writers so abstruse and deep that they drown themselves in their fathomless sentences.”

— Josh Billings

274. “Zoroaster said, when in doubt abstain; but this does not always apply. At cards, when in doubt take the trick.”

— Josh Billings

275. “One legged chickens, I know, are the least apt to scratch a garden.”

— Josh Billings

276. “Pedigrees seldom improve by age; the grandson is too often a weak infringement on the grandsire’s parent.”

— Josh Billings

277. “Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain’t got.”

— Josh Billings

278. “I do not know of a better cure for sorrow than to pity somebody else.”

— Josh Billings

279. “Anxiety will bear a lot of nuisance.”

— Josh Billings