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Top 10 Julie Schwartz Gottman Quotes (2026 Update)

Julie Schwartz Gottman Quote: “There’s nothing more fulfilling in therapy than watching two people find each other again.”

1. “There’s nothing more fulfilling in therapy than watching two people find each other again.”

— Julie Schwartz Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman Quote: “Conflict is messy. We are messy. We’re human, and we’re each carrying our own heavy baggage – from life, from childhood, from previous relationships. We have triggers that get set off. Big emotions that grab us by the throat, or the heart, or the gut – wherever you feel it when you get flooded.”

2. “Conflict is messy. We are messy. We’re human, and we’re each carrying our own heavy baggage – from life, from childhood, from previous relationships. We have triggers that get set off. Big emotions that grab us by the throat, or the heart, or the gut – wherever you feel it when you get flooded.”

— Julie Schwartz Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman Quote: “Validation is not the same thing as agreement.”

3. “Validation is not the same thing as agreement.”

— Julie Schwartz Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman Quote: “Validation does not mean you agree. It just means you can empathize with any part of your partner’s experience.”

4. “Validation does not mean you agree. It just means you can empathize with any part of your partner’s experience.”

— Julie Schwartz Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman Quote: “When we come together to process, we have to work from the common assumption that both realities are valid and that each subjective reality holds some truth. The goal is not to agree on a set of facts about “what happened.” It’s to understand your partner’s experience so you can empathize with them and understand where they were coming.”

5. “When we come together to process, we have to work from the common assumption that both realities are valid and that each subjective reality holds some truth. The goal is not to agree on a set of facts about “what happened.” It’s to understand your partner’s experience so you can empathize with them and understand where they were coming.”

— Julie Schwartz Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman Quote: “Conflict is connection. It’s how we figure out who we are, what we want, who our partners are and who they are becoming, and what they want. It’s how we bridge our differences and find our similarities, our points of connection. The problem is, we haven’t been taught how to do it right.”

6. “Conflict is connection. It’s how we figure out who we are, what we want, who our partners are and who they are becoming, and what they want. It’s how we bridge our differences and find our similarities, our points of connection. The problem is, we haven’t been taught how to do it right.”

— Julie Schwartz Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman Quote: “I was drawn to him because of his spontaneity” turns into “Why can’t you make a plan and stick to it?” “I fell for her outgoing personality and great sense of humor” turns into “Do you really have to talk to every single person at the party? And were you flirting with that guy?”

7. “I was drawn to him because of his spontaneity” turns into “Why can’t you make a plan and stick to it?” “I fell for her outgoing personality and great sense of humor” turns into “Do you really have to talk to every single person at the party? And were you flirting with that guy?”

— Julie Schwartz Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman Quote: “Your job here is to make your partner feel safe enough to tell you what’s behind their position on the issue: their belief, dream, or story.”

8. “Your job here is to make your partner feel safe enough to tell you what’s behind their position on the issue: their belief, dream, or story.”

— Julie Schwartz Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman Quote: “During a fight, you don’t have to solve the whole conflict. In fact, you shouldn’t try. Instead, solve the moment.”

9. “During a fight, you don’t have to solve the whole conflict. In fact, you shouldn’t try. Instead, solve the moment.”

— Julie Schwartz Gottman

Julie Schwartz Gottman Quote: “Intimacy inevitably creates conflict.”

10. “Intimacy inevitably creates conflict.”

— Julie Schwartz Gottman

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