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Top 15 Ken Dodd Quotes (2025 Update)

Ken Dodd Quote: “I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.”

1. “I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “The trouble with Freud is that he never played the Glasgow Empire Saturday night.”

2. “The trouble with Freud is that he never played the Glasgow Empire Saturday night.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “Freud’s theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.”

3. “Freud’s theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.”

4. “I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.”

5. “Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “Men’s legs have a terribly lonely life – standing in the dark in your trousers all day.”

6. “Men’s legs have a terribly lonely life – standing in the dark in your trousers all day.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don’t like to interrupt her.”

7. “I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don’t like to interrupt her.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don’t want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I – which is probably why it works.”

8. “Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don’t want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I – which is probably why it works.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you’re in dead trouble!”

9. “Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you’re in dead trouble!”

Ken Dodd Quote: “Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.”

10. “Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, ‘Well that taught me a lesson.’”

11. “My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, ‘Well that taught me a lesson.’”

Ken Dodd Quote: “I had an idyllic childhood and when my parents bought me a Punch and Judy Show and a ventriloquist’s dummy, I’d perform anywhere, anytime. My parents were wonderful when I told them I wanted to be an entertainer.”

12. “I had an idyllic childhood and when my parents bought me a Punch and Judy Show and a ventriloquist’s dummy, I’d perform anywhere, anytime. My parents were wonderful when I told them I wanted to be an entertainer.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “My teeth are all my own. I’ve just finished paying for them.”

13. “My teeth are all my own. I’ve just finished paying for them.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “Comedy should never be over-analysed. It’s either funny or it isn’t. There’s a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.”

14. “Comedy should never be over-analysed. It’s either funny or it isn’t. There’s a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.”

Ken Dodd Quote: “If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute – Ive got to have them.”

15. “If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute – Ive got to have them.”

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