Top 40 Kerry Patterson Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “At the end of the day, what qualifies people to be called “leaders” is their capacity to influence others to change their behavior in order to achieve important results.”

— Kerry Patterson

2. “The mistake most of us make in our crucial conversations is we believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend.”

— Kerry Patterson

3. “Don’t aim for perfection. Aim for progress. Learn to slow the process down when your adrenaline gets pumping.”

— Kerry Patterson

4. “Remember, to know and not to do is really not to know.”

— Kerry Patterson

5. “Lord, help me forgive those who sin differently than I.” When.”

— Kerry Patterson

6. “The key to real change lies not in implementing a new process, but in getting people to hold one another accountable to the process.”

— Kerry Patterson

7. “So, what’s the first step to changing norms? It’s breaking the code of silence around the problem that always sustains the status quo.”

— Kerry Patterson

8. “When people misunderstand and you start arguing over the misunderstanding, stop. Use Contrasting. Explain what you don’t mean until you’ve restored safety. Then return to the conversation. Safety first.”

— Kerry Patterson

9. “Influencers use four tactics to help people love what they hate: 1. Allow for choice. 2. Create direct experiences. 3. Tell meaningful stories. 4. Make it a game.”

— Kerry Patterson

10. “Nothing in this world is good or bad, but thinking makes it so. – WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.”

— Kerry Patterson

11. “As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape – with any degree of success – is the person in the mirror.”

— Kerry Patterson

12. “At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information.”

— Kerry Patterson

13. “What do I really want for myself? What do I really want for others? What do I really want for the relationship?”

— Kerry Patterson

14. “Goals without deadlines aren’t goals; they’re merely directions.”

— Kerry Patterson

15. “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. – AMBROSE BIERCE.”

— Kerry Patterson

16. “The first time something happens, it’s an incident. The second time it might be coincidence. The third time, it’s a pattern.”

— Kerry Patterson

17. “Methods include cutting others off, overstating your facts, speaking in absolutes, changing subjects, or using directive questions to control the conversation.”

— Kerry Patterson

18. “There are four common ways of making decisions: command, consult, vote, and consensus. These four options represent increasing degrees of involvement.”

— Kerry Patterson

19. “Change Tactic: Small changes in your environment can have a surprising effect on your choices. For example, just add a few visual cues that help you focus on your goals, and your behavior will change rapidly.”

— Kerry Patterson

20. “Consequently, the first condition of safety is Mutual Purpose. Mutual Purpose means that others perceive that you’re working toward a common outcome in the conversation, that you care about their goals, interests, and values. And vice versa. You believe they care about yours.”

— Kerry Patterson

21. “In fact, with experience and maturity we learn to worry less about others’ intent and more about the effect others’ actions are having on us. No longer are we in the game of rooting out unhealthy motives. And here’s the good news. When we reflect on alternative motives, not only do we soften our emotions, but equally important, we relax our absolute certainty long enough to allow for dialogue – the only reliable way of discovering others’ genuine motives.”

— Kerry Patterson

22. “Change Tactic: Directly link short-term rewards and punishments to the new habits you’re trying to form, and you’re far more likely to stay on track.”

— Kerry Patterson

23. “Change Tactic: If you interrupt your impulses by connecting with your goals during crucial moments, you can greatly improve your chances of success.”

— Kerry Patterson

24. “Change Tactic: Changing persistent and resistant habits always involves learning new skills.”

— Kerry Patterson

25. “By releasing your grip on your strategy and focusing on your real purpose, you’re now open to the idea that you might actually find alternatives that can serve both of your interests.”

— Kerry Patterson

26. “Nothing fails like success. In other words, when a challenge in life is met by a response that is equal to it, you have success. But when the challenge moves to a higher level, the old, once successful response no longer works – it fails; thus, nothing fails like success.”

— Kerry Patterson

27. “When people purposefully withhold meaning from one another, individually smart people can do collectively stupid things.”

— Kerry Patterson

28. “You know what? We need to talk about this. I’m glad you asked the question. Thank you for taking that risk. I appreciate the trust it shows in me.”

— Kerry Patterson

29. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in baskets of silver.”

— Kerry Patterson

30. “One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears – by listening to them. – DEAN RUSK.”

— Kerry Patterson

31. “An apology is a statement that sincerely expresses your sorrow for your role in causing – or at least not preventing – pain or difficulty to others.”

— Kerry Patterson

32. “Instead, success relies on the capacity to systematically create rapid, profound, and sustainable changes in a handful of key behaviors.”

— Kerry Patterson

33. “Every time you try to convince others through verbal persuasion, you suffer from your inability to select and share language in a way that reproduces in the mind of the listener exactly the same thoughts you are having. You say your words, but others hear their words, which in turn stimulate their images, their past histories, and their overall meaning – all of which may be very different from what you intended.”

— Kerry Patterson

34. “Change Tactic: Bad habits are almost always a social disease – if those around us model and encourage them, we’ll almost always fall prey.”

— Kerry Patterson

35. “Assignments without deadlines are far better at producing guilt than stimulating action.”

— Kerry Patterson

36. “Source 1. Personal Motivation.”

— Kerry Patterson

37. “This book is an apt response to the wisdom of the great historian Arnold Toynbee, who said that you can pretty well summarize all of history – not only of society, but of institutions and of people – in four words: Nothing fails like success. In other words, when a challenge in life is met by a response that is equal to it, you have success. But when the challenge moves to a higher level, the old, once successful response no longer works – it fails; thus, nothing fails like success. The.”

— Kerry Patterson

38. “If you use these skills exactly the way we tell you to and the other person doesn’t want to dialogue, you won’t get to dialogue. However, if you persist over time, refusing to take offence, making your motive genuine, showing respect, and constantly searching for Mutual Purpose, then the other person will almost always join you in dialogue.”

— Kerry Patterson

39. “You can’t simply highlight an inspiring paragraph in a book and walk away changed.”

— Kerry Patterson

40. “When you’re attacked in a negotiation, pause and avoid angry emotional reactions. Instead, ask your counterpart a calibrated question.”

— Kerry Patterson

41. “Changing deeply entrenched habits invariably requires help, information, and real support from others. Get a coach, and you’ll make change far more likely.”

— Kerry Patterson

42. “How can I be 100 percent honest with Chris, and at the same time be 100 percent respectful?”

— Kerry Patterson

43. “Change Tactic: Bad habits are almost always a social disease – if those around us model and encourage them, we’ll almost always fall prey. Turn “accomplices” into “friends” and you can be two-thirds more likely to succeed.”

— Kerry Patterson

44. “We make our food very similar to cocaine now.”

— Kerry Patterson

45. “Storytelling typically happens blindly fast. When we believe we’re at risk, we tell ourselves a story so quickly that we don’t even know that we’re doing it.”

— Kerry Patterson

46. “At this point, you could be tempted to water down your content – “You know it’s really not that big a deal.” Don’t give into the temptation. Don’t take back what you’ve said. Instead, put your remarks in context.”

— Kerry Patterson

47. “The next two sources of influence that routinely act on you are equally easy to spot. The people who surround you both motivate and enable your habits.”

— Kerry Patterson