Top 50 Kevin Nealon Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “I’m Kevin Nealon, and that’s news to me.”

— Kevin Nealon

2. “Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled.”

— Kevin Nealon

3. “Basically, I’m a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing.”

— Kevin Nealon

4. “I tried to read the Bible, I did, but it always felt like a much less awesome Lord of the Rings.”

— Kevin Nealon

5. “They say that moving is one of the most stressful things in life. Death in the family is the second most stressful, and moving your dead spouse is the third.”

— Kevin Nealon

6. “Don’t play dead with a vulture. That’s exactly what they want.”

— Kevin Nealon

7. “I think Little Nicky was a divergence from the films Adam Sandler was used to doing, and he was taking a risk. I admire him for doing that.”

— Kevin Nealon

8. “I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It’s a push.”

— Kevin Nealon

9. “The hardest thing about moving to California from Connecticut was just missing my family. If I went back, it would be just because I was homesick.”

— Kevin Nealon

10. “I loved working on ‘Happy Gilmore’ because I love to travel to new places and we got to go to British Columbia. Any Adam Sandler film is fun to work on because it is a reunion of the boys club of guys that have worked together in the past.”

— Kevin Nealon

11. “Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.”

— Kevin Nealon

12. “It’s tough getting older. You start falling apart, you know? My gums are starting to recede now. You can’t tell tonight, though, ’cause I comb them forward.”

— Kevin Nealon

13. “I’d been doing some light-beer commercials for Budweiser and Coors, and I was doing stand-up comedy. I wanted to get into the acting world, and my agent sent me on audition and they liked it.”

— Kevin Nealon

14. “I don’t smoke pot or cigarettes, so inhaling smoke as a non-smoker – it doesn’t matter what it is, it’s going to make you lightheaded.”

— Kevin Nealon

15. “The good thing about Weeds now is, I get to play some dramatic parts in that as well.”

— Kevin Nealon

16. “I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper.”

— Kevin Nealon

17. “Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren’t spayed or neutered. I’m proud to support PETA’s work to prevent animal homelessness.”

— Kevin Nealon

18. “It is unconscionable for children in our prosperous country, or anywhere for that matter, to go without food. I implore everyone to contact their local and state representatives to encourage action to end hunger.”

— Kevin Nealon

19. “I’m on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I’ve only missed one day so far.”

— Kevin Nealon

20. “I don’t mind seeing two guys kissing, you know, as long as they’re clean-shaven.”

— Kevin Nealon

21. “The Outer Limits was one of those shows I grew up watching – that and The Twilight Zone.”

— Kevin Nealon

22. “I play a lot of sports. I’m not real good at any of them. I’m above adequate.”

— Kevin Nealon

23. “I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, ‘Aliens in the Attic,’ because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time.”

— Kevin Nealon

24. “I was never really an impressionist. If there was somebody within my range, maybe I could work on it and do a little exaggeration of them – which I think is really the way to do an impression.”

— Kevin Nealon

25. “Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It’s more about Larry’s weaknesses.”

— Kevin Nealon

26. “I went to school for marketing and advertising, so I have a special interest in good and funny commercials and why they work and why they’re funny – which is one of the reasons I, like many people, like watching the Super Bowl, besides the game.”

— Kevin Nealon

27. “I think the education system is great just the way it is. There’s kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak fluent Spanish.”

— Kevin Nealon

28. “A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.”

— Kevin Nealon

29. “When I first began doing TV pilots, my expectations were high. I didn’t understand that world. So when ‘Weeds’ took off, I was so happy. Especially as I was just a guest star in the pilot. But once it got picked up, they made me a regular cast member.”

— Kevin Nealon

30. “I am whelmed, and not overly whelmed, just whelmed about a lot of facets in life – just how fragile life is and the different challenges you have in life, phobias about things.”

— Kevin Nealon

31. “It’s kind of fun when you’re playing characters that aren’t quite on the up and up and people still like you.”

— Kevin Nealon

32. “I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.”

— Kevin Nealon

33. “There’s so many vegetarian foods now that are available at the market. The same with drive-throughs. Now, a lot of them serve veggie burgers just like the restaurants are doing. So, it’s really very easy.”

— Kevin Nealon

34. “I’ve noticed a surge when I go out somewhere, or if I’m doing stand-up.”

— Kevin Nealon

35. “If people can’t deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.”

— Kevin Nealon

36. “It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It’s gold!”

— Kevin Nealon

37. “A novel is too much of a commitment. I tend to peruse Twitter – I check to see if I had any mentions and read the latest messages.”

— Kevin Nealon

38. “The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don’t even mention the product until the very end. You don’t really know what the commercial is all about. They’re kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that’s why I think they’re so entertaining.”

— Kevin Nealon

39. “I really like to read when I’m eating – ‘The New York Times’ or the ‘Wall Street Journal,’ paper version.”

— Kevin Nealon

40. “Marriage is great. It’ll calm you down – that and neutering.”

— Kevin Nealon

41. “As an actor, you’re always reading scripts looking for something good.”

— Kevin Nealon

42. “I never really got into marketing. I went to school for it, but never pursued it once I got out. Instead, I went to Europe for about two months, just traveling around in youth hostels and Eurail trains with my friends.”

— Kevin Nealon

43. “I like to stuff myself at Thanksgiving, not turkeys.”

— Kevin Nealon

44. “When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from ‘Saturday Night Live.’”

— Kevin Nealon

45. “I’m probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor.”

— Kevin Nealon

46. “A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material.”

— Kevin Nealon

47. “Breaking News: Winds so strong in NYC The Statue of Liberty’s gown just blew off!”

— Kevin Nealon

48. “I think people really appreciate clever commercials, as do I. I think they’re very entertaining. You just have to wade through all the garbage. That’s one of the reasons people watch the Super Bowl. A lot of them watch it to see the commercials and not the actual game.”

— Kevin Nealon

49. “It seems like all the sitcoms on now, the families are kind of dysfunctional.”

— Kevin Nealon

50. “When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour’s worth of material together.”

— Kevin Nealon