Top 120 Kinky Friedman Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “I don’t think I have even achieved fame. Of course, Hemingway says that fame is death’s little sister.”

— Kinky Friedman

52. “You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.”

— Kinky Friedman

53. “I rarely meddled in the cat’s personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.”

— Kinky Friedman

54. “Now I have a cat. Well, that’s not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.”

— Kinky Friedman

55. “The only thing wrong with Southern Baptists was they didn’t hold them underwater long enough.”

— Kinky Friedman

56. “There’s a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979.”

— Kinky Friedman

57. “Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.”

— Kinky Friedman

58. “Young people are the key to this election.”

— Kinky Friedman

59. “Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot.”

— Kinky Friedman

60. “The main health hazard in the world today is people who don’t love themselves.”

— Kinky Friedman

61. “I don’t see how the people who created the problem can fix it. Texas is worth fighting for, and the best way to fight is to get the politicians out of politics.”

— Kinky Friedman

62. “This is called “spiritual lifting.” It’s not heavy lifting. The governor of Texas should not be confused with Arnold Schwarzenegger. That’s a powerful position. The governor of Texas can’t do any heavy lifting really. It’s not that powerful a position.”

— Kinky Friedman

63. “You never marry the person you first see ‘Casablanca’ with.”

— Kinky Friedman

64. “I want to fight the wussification of the State of Texas. I want to rise and shine and bring back the glory.”

— Kinky Friedman

65. “I’m also for gay marriage, because I say they have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us. Love is bigger than government. And Texas, by the way, has a very progressive law about gay couples adopting kids. We just won’t let them get married. So that’s not common sense.”

— Kinky Friedman

66. “The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime.”

— Kinky Friedman

67. “Sleep came slower than a frigid woman.”

— Kinky Friedman

68. “The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.”

— Kinky Friedman

69. “What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.”

— Kinky Friedman

70. “I’ll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!”

— Kinky Friedman

71. “If you ain’t Texan, I ain’t got time for you.”

— Kinky Friedman

72. “Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...”

— Kinky Friedman

73. “Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.”

— Kinky Friedman

74. “We’re first on executions. We’re 49th in funding public education. We’re in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we’re winning.”

— Kinky Friedman

75. “We’ve got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.”

— Kinky Friedman

76. “I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.”

— Kinky Friedman

77. “When you have a cat you assume certain responsibilities that, in a spiritual sense, transcend those of a marital or a business relationship.”

— Kinky Friedman

78. “Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.”

— Kinky Friedman

79. “He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York.”

— Kinky Friedman

80. “People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they’re not getting it.”

— Kinky Friedman

81. “Inspiration thing is important, to teach the kids that JFK is not an airport, RFK’s not a stadium, Martin Luther King ain’t a street.”

— Kinky Friedman

82. “If you’re paranoid long enough, sooner or later you’re gonna be right.”

— Kinky Friedman

83. “Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.”

— Kinky Friedman

84. “There is a difference between who is important and who is significant.”

— Kinky Friedman

85. “And I’ll tell you another thing, you won’t find any candidate that supports prayer in school and gay marriage. For that reason alone, people should vote for an independent-thinking person.”

— Kinky Friedman

86. “In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time.”

— Kinky Friedman

87. “If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.”

— Kinky Friedman

88. “Remember, the Legislature is the joke, not our campaign.”

— Kinky Friedman

89. “There will be a whole new spirit blowing through Texas. There will be a smile on everybody’s face and a chill up the spine of every politician.”

— Kinky Friedman

90. “I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it’s just not in a place I can show you.”

— Kinky Friedman

91. “Students don’t know who Mark Twain was because he wasn’t on the test.”

— Kinky Friedman

92. “My goal as a young man, to be fat, famous and financially fixed by 50.”

— Kinky Friedman

93. “William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.”

— Kinky Friedman

94. “I’ll sign anything except bad legislation.”

— Kinky Friedman

95. “I’ll tell you right now. I’m for prayer in school.”

— Kinky Friedman

96. “All my adult life I’ve been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.”

— Kinky Friedman

97. “And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.”

— Kinky Friedman

98. “They probably would’ve taken Jesus if he hadn’t been nailed down.”

— Kinky Friedman

99. “Always beware of people offering you one-time money. That only works in an election year. How are you going to permanently pay for education?”

— Kinky Friedman

100. “I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.”

— Kinky Friedman