Top 120 Kinky Friedman Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “You’ve got to find what you love and let it kill you. I don’t think any of us should ever forget that.”

— Kinky Friedman

2. “Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.”

— Kinky Friedman

3. “Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.”

— Kinky Friedman

4. “God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.”

— Kinky Friedman

5. “Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.”

— Kinky Friedman

6. “Always respect your superiors, if you have any.”

— Kinky Friedman

7. “Happiness is a moving target.”

— Kinky Friedman

8. “If you don’t love Jesus-go to hell!”

— Kinky Friedman

9. “We’re all worm bait waiting to happen. It’s what you do while you wait that matters.”

— Kinky Friedman

10. “The Ten Commandments being taken out of the public schools. I want them back.”

— Kinky Friedman

11. “I’m going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you’re old enough to die in Iraq, you’re old enough to drink.”

— Kinky Friedman

12. “I’m not afraid to live. I’m not afraid to fail. I’m not afraid to succeed. I’m not afraid to fall in love. I’m not afraid to be alone. I’m just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes.”

— Kinky Friedman

13. “Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her.”

— Kinky Friedman

14. “I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.”

— Kinky Friedman

15. “I don’t believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he’ll have to bring his own gun.”

— Kinky Friedman

16. “May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.”

— Kinky Friedman

17. “We’re going to make that Lone Star shine again.”

— Kinky Friedman

18. “Like most of us, I determined that I’d rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution.”

— Kinky Friedman

19. “I’ve been in true love many times. I just try to avoid it as much as possible. For if there’s one thing I know about true love, it is that sooner or later, it results in a hostage situation.”

— Kinky Friedman

20. “The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That’s very important in my life.”

— Kinky Friedman

21. “Man’s ability to delude himself is infinite.”

— Kinky Friedman

22. “I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.”

— Kinky Friedman

23. “You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.”

— Kinky Friedman

24. “An editor’s job is to take something great and make it good.”

— Kinky Friedman

25. “The distance between the limousine and the gutter is a short one.”

— Kinky Friedman

26. “People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.”

— Kinky Friedman

27. “Finding a cat – or having a cat find you – can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more.”

— Kinky Friedman

28. “May the God of your choice bless you.”

— Kinky Friedman

29. “If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There’s always time to be humble later, once you’ve been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.”

— Kinky Friedman

30. “I’m too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.”

— Kinky Friedman

31. “I am not anti-death penalty, but I’m damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.”

— Kinky Friedman

32. “If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I’ll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!”

— Kinky Friedman

33. “I’m ready for anything. That’s probably why it never happens.”

— Kinky Friedman

34. “The child-teacher relationship is crucial.”

— Kinky Friedman

35. “Remember: Y’all is singular. All y’all is plural. All y’all’s is plural possessive.”

— Kinky Friedman

36. “If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.”

— Kinky Friedman

37. “A happy childhood is poor preparation for life.”

— Kinky Friedman

38. “The system is not perfect. Until it’s perfect, let’s do away with the death penalty.”

— Kinky Friedman

39. “If you’re patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it’ll usually be something you don’t like.”

— Kinky Friedman

40. “When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you’re going to get in this lifetime.”

— Kinky Friedman

41. “You don’t accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.”

— Kinky Friedman

42. “I don’t apologize to people who try to intimidate.”

— Kinky Friedman

43. “I’m not pro-life, and I’m not pro-choice. I’m pro-football.”

— Kinky Friedman

44. “No matter where you go, you always see yourself in the rearview mirror.”

— Kinky Friedman

45. “Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn’t know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.”

— Kinky Friedman

Featured in: Fun Quotes

46. “My definition of an artist is anyone who’s ahead of his time and behind on his rent.”

— Kinky Friedman

47. “The folks in Mississippi are saying, ‘Thank God for Texas.’”

— Kinky Friedman

48. “My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You’re Lying not only tells the truth about the travel-writing racket, it gets to the heart of some of the travel industry’s best-kept secrets.”

— Kinky Friedman

49. “The art of writing fiction is to sail as dangerously close to the truth as possible without sinking the ship.”

— Kinky Friedman

50. “This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.”

— Kinky Friedman