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Top 20 Kory Stamper Quotes (2025 Update)

Kory Stamper Quote: “We think of English as a fortress to be defended, but a better analogy is to think of English as a child. We love and nurture it into being, and once it gains gross motor skills, it starts going exactly where we don’t want it to go: it heads right for the goddamned electrical sockets.”

1. “We think of English as a fortress to be defended, but a better analogy is to think of English as a child. We love and nurture it into being, and once it gains gross motor skills, it starts going exactly where we don’t want it to go: it heads right for the goddamned electrical sockets.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “I am the world’s biggest epistemophilic dork.”

2. “I am the world’s biggest epistemophilic dork.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Under ordinary circumstances, we learn to speak before we learn to read, and anyone who has tried to learn a foreign language knows that the gold standard of fluency isn’t your reading comprehension but your ability to ask a native speaker of that language which team they favor in the World Cup and to fully understand and participate in the argument that will inevitably ensue.”

3. “Under ordinary circumstances, we learn to speak before we learn to read, and anyone who has tried to learn a foreign language knows that the gold standard of fluency isn’t your reading comprehension but your ability to ask a native speaker of that language which team they favor in the World Cup and to fully understand and participate in the argument that will inevitably ensue.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “It is the fate of those who toil at the lower employments of life, to be rather driven by the fear of evil, than attracted by the prospect of good; to be exposed to censure, without hope of praise; to be disgraced by miscarriage, or punished for neglect, where success would have been without applause, and diligence without reward. Among these unhappy mortals is the writer of dictionaries.”

4. “It is the fate of those who toil at the lower employments of life, to be rather driven by the fear of evil, than attracted by the prospect of good; to be exposed to censure, without hope of praise; to be disgraced by miscarriage, or punished for neglect, where success would have been without applause, and diligence without reward. Among these unhappy mortals is the writer of dictionaries.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Lexicography moves so slowly that scientists classify it as a solid.”

5. “Lexicography moves so slowly that scientists classify it as a solid.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “OMG” goes back to 1917, when it was first used in a letter to Winston Churchill.”

6. “OMG” goes back to 1917, when it was first used in a letter to Winston Churchill.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “In the sixteenth century, English was established as a language of record;.”

7. “In the sixteenth century, English was established as a language of record;.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Ei,” he said, shaking his head. “En puhu suomea.” No, he said in Finnish. I don’t speak Finnish.”

8. “Ei,” he said, shaking his head. “En puhu suomea.” No, he said in Finnish. I don’t speak Finnish.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Real defining answers questions like “What is truth?” “What is love?” “Do sounds exist if no one is around to hear them?” and “Is a hot dog a sandwich?”

9. “Real defining answers questions like “What is truth?” “What is love?” “Do sounds exist if no one is around to hear them?” and “Is a hot dog a sandwich?”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Singeth” wasn’t just a highfalutin flourish deployed to lend a sense of elevation and elegance to Shakespeare’s writings; “singeth” was a normal, boring way to say “sing” in the late sixteenth century. And it happened to be a holdover from Anglo-Saxon. We used “singeth” as the third-person form longer than we used “sings.”

10. “Singeth” wasn’t just a highfalutin flourish deployed to lend a sense of elevation and elegance to Shakespeare’s writings; “singeth” was a normal, boring way to say “sing” in the late sixteenth century. And it happened to be a holdover from Anglo-Saxon. We used “singeth” as the third-person form longer than we used “sings.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Standard English as it is presented by grammarians and pedants is a dialect that is based on a mostly fictional, static, and Platonic ideal of usage.”

11. “Standard English as it is presented by grammarians and pedants is a dialect that is based on a mostly fictional, static, and Platonic ideal of usage.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Yes, this is what I want to do. I want to sit alone in a cubicle all day and think about words and not really talk to anybody else. That sounds great!”

12. “Yes, this is what I want to do. I want to sit alone in a cubicle all day and think about words and not really talk to anybody else. That sounds great!”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Dude, do you even English? That defining job is hella bad.”

13. “Dude, do you even English? That defining job is hella bad.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “People do not come to the dictionary for excitement and romance; that’s what encyclopedias are for. They.”

14. “People do not come to the dictionary for excitement and romance; that’s what encyclopedias are for. They.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Then Eric talked for half an hour about the Albanian word for.”

15. “Then Eric talked for half an hour about the Albanian word for.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “It’s not all “molly” and “asshat.” The etymologies of some words are, for the lexicographer and average joe alike, boring.”

16. “It’s not all “molly” and “asshat.” The etymologies of some words are, for the lexicographer and average joe alike, boring.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Most words come into being first in speech, then in private writing, and then in public, published writing, which means that if the date given at the entry marks the birth of a word, the moment when it went from nothing to something, then Merriam-Webster must have an underground vault full of clandestine recordings of each word’s first uttering, like something out of the Harry Potter books, only less magical.”

17. “Most words come into being first in speech, then in private writing, and then in public, published writing, which means that if the date given at the entry marks the birth of a word, the moment when it went from nothing to something, then Merriam-Webster must have an underground vault full of clandestine recordings of each word’s first uttering, like something out of the Harry Potter books, only less magical.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “English has a lot of synonyms for “fool” or “idiot.” Perhaps you take this to mean that English speakers are mean-spirited; I simply reply that necessity is the mother of invention.”

18. “English has a lot of synonyms for “fool” or “idiot.” Perhaps you take this to mean that English speakers are mean-spirited; I simply reply that necessity is the mother of invention.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Removing racial slurs from the dictionary will not eliminate racism; removing “injustice” from the dictionary will not bring about justice. If it were really as easy as that, don’t you think we would have removed words like “murder” and “genocide” from the dictionary already? Jerkery, like stupidity and death, is an ontological constant in our universe.”

19. “Removing racial slurs from the dictionary will not eliminate racism; removing “injustice” from the dictionary will not bring about justice. If it were really as easy as that, don’t you think we would have removed words like “murder” and “genocide” from the dictionary already? Jerkery, like stupidity and death, is an ontological constant in our universe.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “I didn’t draft the entry for “surfboard,” but I have reviewed it more times than I’ve actually seen a surfboard in the wild.”

20. “I didn’t draft the entry for “surfboard,” but I have reviewed it more times than I’ve actually seen a surfboard in the wild.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Linguists love corpora; where two or three linguists are gathered, there shall you find heavy-breathing fetishism about the size, scope, all those possibilities, all that data.”

21. “Linguists love corpora; where two or three linguists are gathered, there shall you find heavy-breathing fetishism about the size, scope, all those possibilities, all that data.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “It is best, in fact, to assume that every verbal illustration you write will offend someone, somewhere, at some point.”

22. “It is best, in fact, to assume that every verbal illustration you write will offend someone, somewhere, at some point.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “Sometimes we are mush mouths because we like symmetry.”

23. “Sometimes we are mush mouths because we like symmetry.”

— Kory Stamper

Kory Stamper Quote: “The nursery rhyme “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” is a lie that every five-year-old knows in their deep waters. Words hurt, because they are one of the only socially acceptable ways we can attack each other.”

24. “The nursery rhyme “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” is a lie that every five-year-old knows in their deep waters. Words hurt, because they are one of the only socially acceptable ways we can attack each other.”

— Kory Stamper

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