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Top 25 Louie Anderson Quotes (2025 Update)

Louie Anderson Quote: “I’m washing lettuce. Soon, I’ll be on fries. In a few years, I’ll make assistant manager, and that’s when the big bucks start rolling in.”

1. “I’m washing lettuce. Soon, I’ll be on fries. In a few years, I’ll make assistant manager, and that’s when the big bucks start rolling in.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “If I were the last person on earth, some moron would turn left in front of me.”

2. “If I were the last person on earth, some moron would turn left in front of me.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “I felt ashamed for what I had done. I don’t have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn’t pawn this off on anybody. I’m sorry it happened. And I hurt people.”

3. “I felt ashamed for what I had done. I don’t have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn’t pawn this off on anybody. I’m sorry it happened. And I hurt people.”

— Louie Anderson

4. “I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me to help me. Show business has been so wonderful to me, and it came in the form of that. Its just so funny how things come into your life, and if you take a chance on them, it might give you a brand new life.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “My mom was a garage sale person, save money. Come on in to the garage sale, you might find a shirt. She’d get in that garage sale and point stuff out to you. There’s a good fork for a nickel. Yeah, that’s beautiful. It’s a little high. If it were three cents I’d snap it up.”

5. “My mom was a garage sale person, save money. Come on in to the garage sale, you might find a shirt. She’d get in that garage sale and point stuff out to you. There’s a good fork for a nickel. Yeah, that’s beautiful. It’s a little high. If it were three cents I’d snap it up.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that.”

6. “Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “I’m a 7 o’clock act. My people want to go to a show, a dinner and then go home and go to bed.”

7. “I’m a 7 o’clock act. My people want to go to a show, a dinner and then go home and go to bed.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “Let me tell you about my family.”

8. “Let me tell you about my family.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “Dr. Phil was very helpful and caring. I believe he helped all of us there and watching how to better relate, understand, and communicate with our families and loved ones. Dr. Phil recommended reading my new book.”

9. “Dr. Phil was very helpful and caring. I believe he helped all of us there and watching how to better relate, understand, and communicate with our families and loved ones. Dr. Phil recommended reading my new book.”

— Louie Anderson

Featured in: Reading Quotes

Louie Anderson Quote: “I live in California, the worst place in the world for fat people. There are three of us. They have us on eight-hour shifts, so it works out.”

10. “I live in California, the worst place in the world for fat people. There are three of us. They have us on eight-hour shifts, so it works out.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “When I say, ‘I can’t stay long, I’m in-between meals,’ that plays differently on the radio than it does in person. So I have to pick material that works because the words are funny, not just because of the images.”

11. “When I say, ‘I can’t stay long, I’m in-between meals,’ that plays differently on the radio than it does in person. So I have to pick material that works because the words are funny, not just because of the images.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “I have a very warm spot in my heart for Vegas.”

12. “I have a very warm spot in my heart for Vegas.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “We all think we’re going to get out of debt.”

13. “We all think we’re going to get out of debt.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “I have a cousin Ernie who buys stuff. He’s got a big snowblower that’s actually the biggest snowblower you can buy, with a remote control, so he doesn’t even have to go outside. He’s got the microwave and a satellite dish, it’s all in one. He cooks and watches at the same time.”

14. “I have a cousin Ernie who buys stuff. He’s got a big snowblower that’s actually the biggest snowblower you can buy, with a remote control, so he doesn’t even have to go outside. He’s got the microwave and a satellite dish, it’s all in one. He cooks and watches at the same time.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “Azhar Usman is a true original and will laugh the hate right out of you.”

15. “Azhar Usman is a true original and will laugh the hate right out of you.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “My inspiration is coming more and more from the way I feel and the gratitude I feel. The older you get the more humility you have.”

16. “My inspiration is coming more and more from the way I feel and the gratitude I feel. The older you get the more humility you have.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “It’s so much easier to be cynical.”

17. “It’s so much easier to be cynical.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “When you’re young, you do drugs that could kill you. When you get old, you just want drugs that can keep you alive. Full circle, baby.”

18. “When you’re young, you do drugs that could kill you. When you get old, you just want drugs that can keep you alive. Full circle, baby.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “Sadly, no one in our family ever said, “I love you.” Do you realize that? The truth is, I think we were all frightened of saying it, since the obvious reply would’ve been. “Well, if this is love, what is hate like?”

19. “Sadly, no one in our family ever said, “I love you.” Do you realize that? The truth is, I think we were all frightened of saying it, since the obvious reply would’ve been. “Well, if this is love, what is hate like?”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “Weight is a glanduar thing, as well as an emotional thing.”

20. “Weight is a glanduar thing, as well as an emotional thing.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “After 34 years, I feel like I did when I was starting out. I feel excited and feel I’ve never been better doing what I do.”

21. “After 34 years, I feel like I did when I was starting out. I feel excited and feel I’ve never been better doing what I do.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I’ll never forget the look on the young boy’s face. He was devastated.”

22. “I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I’ll never forget the look on the young boy’s face. He was devastated.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “I’ve been in Vegas. That’s where you get into the money thing. Boy, you get greedy in Vegas, you know. That’s the only place that you can bet $25, get it up to $500 and refuse to quit.”

23. “I’ve been in Vegas. That’s where you get into the money thing. Boy, you get greedy in Vegas, you know. That’s the only place that you can bet $25, get it up to $500 and refuse to quit.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “My first words were ‘Seconds, please.’ Most kids in kindergarten napped on a little rug. I had a braided 9 x 12.”

24. “My first words were ‘Seconds, please.’ Most kids in kindergarten napped on a little rug. I had a braided 9 x 12.”

— Louie Anderson

Featured in: Firsts Quotes

Louie Anderson Quote: “I have added a lot. There’s some Vegas stuff and hotel stuff and a whole chunk on health.”

25. “I have added a lot. There’s some Vegas stuff and hotel stuff and a whole chunk on health.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “I started a big part of my career in Vegas.”

26. “I started a big part of my career in Vegas.”

— Louie Anderson

Louie Anderson Quote: “At some point you have to park your past and put yellow caution tape around it so you don’t keep going back to it. Because there’s nothing like lounging around in your past and all that self-pity.”

27. “At some point you have to park your past and put yellow caution tape around it so you don’t keep going back to it. Because there’s nothing like lounging around in your past and all that self-pity.”

— Louie Anderson

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