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Top 160 Maria Semple Quotes (2026 Update)
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Maria Semple Quote: “OUTDOORSY DAD: Bing’s better.”

151. “OUTDOORSY DAD: Bing’s better.”

— Maria Semple

Maria Semple Quote: “21. Mr. Koenig reports that Ms. Griffin commenced approximately five minutes of hysterically expressing disappointment at her son’s choice of friends. 22.”

152. “21. Mr. Koenig reports that Ms. Griffin commenced approximately five minutes of hysterically expressing disappointment at her son’s choice of friends. 22.”

— Maria Semple

Maria Semple Quote: “You’ve traded vocabulary, lucidity, and memory for motherhood.”

153. “You’ve traded vocabulary, lucidity, and memory for motherhood.”

— Maria Semple

Maria Semple Quote: “20. Mr. Koenig reports that he observed a variety of drug paraphernalia, including, but not limited to, “bongs, bindles, rolling papers, prescription drug bottles, roach clips, one-hitters, pinchies, rigs, works, spoons, and an ‘epic vape.’” A visual scan of the room indicated no controlled substances other than “shake and seeds on the mini-fridge.”

154. “20. Mr. Koenig reports that he observed a variety of drug paraphernalia, including, but not limited to, “bongs, bindles, rolling papers, prescription drug bottles, roach clips, one-hitters, pinchies, rigs, works, spoons, and an ‘epic vape.’” A visual scan of the room indicated no controlled substances other than “shake and seeds on the mini-fridge.”

— Maria Semple

Maria Semple Quote: “But once Violet saw the inherent sadness in one thing, she couldn’t stop.”

155. “But once Violet saw the inherent sadness in one thing, she couldn’t stop.”

— Maria Semple

Maria Semple Quote: “Was it happiness I’d found in my long marriage? Or capitulation? Or is that all happiness is, capitulation?”

156. “Was it happiness I’d found in my long marriage? Or capitulation? Or is that all happiness is, capitulation?”

— Maria Semple

Maria Semple Quote: “For the past twenty years I’ve been in training for overwintering at the South Pole! I knew I was up to something.”

157. “For the past twenty years I’ve been in training for overwintering at the South Pole! I knew I was up to something.”

— Maria Semple

Maria Semple Quote: “In extreme cases, a person’s coping mechanisms can be so inadequate that the stressor causes a psychotic break.”

158. “In extreme cases, a person’s coping mechanisms can be so inadequate that the stressor causes a psychotic break.”

— Maria Semple

Maria Semple Quote: “Audrey Griffin’s eyes were wild, and she had a big smile as usual, and she was shaking a piece of paper at us. Her gray hair was coming out of its ponytail, and she was wearing clogs, and under her down vest you could see the pleats on her jeans bulging out. It was hard not to watch.”

159. “Audrey Griffin’s eyes were wild, and she had a big smile as usual, and she was shaking a piece of paper at us. Her gray hair was coming out of its ponytail, and she was wearing clogs, and under her down vest you could see the pleats on her jeans bulging out. It was hard not to watch.”

— Maria Semple

Maria Semple Quote: “If I’m forced to be honest, here’s an account of how I left the world last week: worse, worse, better, worse, same, worse, same. Not an inventory to make one swell with pride. I don’t necessarily need to make the world a better place, mind you. Today, I will live by the Hippocratic oath: first do no harm. How.”

160. “If I’m forced to be honest, here’s an account of how I left the world last week: worse, worse, better, worse, same, worse, same. Not an inventory to make one swell with pride. I don’t necessarily need to make the world a better place, mind you. Today, I will live by the Hippocratic oath: first do no harm. How.”

— Maria Semple

Maria Semple Quote: “And don’t get me started on Canadians. It’s a whole thing.”

161. “And don’t get me started on Canadians. It’s a whole thing.”

— Maria Semple

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