Top 80 Matt Dinniman Quotes (2026 Update)
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51. “You keep destroying governmental buildings, Carl,” Donut said. “People are going to start thinking you have a problem with authority.”

— Matt Dinniman

52. “There was a difference between giving aid and sacrificing yourself for people you didn’t even know.”

— Matt Dinniman

53. “Your creature crapped in my mother’s ashes,” Mordecai said, shaking his head. “This is so not worth it. Not worth it at all.”

— Matt Dinniman

54. “They say the sincerest form of flattery is when someone copies you.” Donut scoffed. “No, Carl. That’s just something thieves say to make themselves feel better about stealing other people’s stuff. The sincerest form of flattery is when people cry when they meet you.”

— Matt Dinniman

55. “It takes a certain amount of desperation before people finally stop caring about their immediate futures and start to look at the long term.”

— Matt Dinniman

56. “But then they’ll just run away,” Donut said. “I’d run away if some crazy guy showed up at game night and pulled out a gun and said, ‘Let’s play Russian Roulette instead of spin the bottle.”

— Matt Dinniman

57. “But the truth is, when people are really given the opportunity to be something else, and that change is real and permanent, most opt to stay the same. They get scared. Even if there’s an obviously better choice, it’s terrifying to take that leap. And if that something else is a major change, there’s always a learning curve. Sometimes it’s better to stay in familiar skin.”

— Matt Dinniman

58. “And how is that machine greased? The universe’s four lubricants. Blood, tears, taxes, and lawyers.”

— Matt Dinniman

59. “If we get to the point where we don’t help each other anymore, that’s when we stop being human.”

— Matt Dinniman

60. “She loved him. And because she loved him, she would protect him, even when he made mistakes.”

— Matt Dinniman

61. “Don’t compare your circumstances with how they were yesterday. Look at how they were years ago.”

— Matt Dinniman

62. “So if you read this and enjoyed it, please review it. It’s against Amazon’s rules to offer a prize to those who review books, but I will risk Amazon’s wrath and offer my services to be the father of your babies if you post a review.”

— Matt Dinniman

63. “Yo. Donut told me we sometimes get snacks,” Ferdinand said. He remained up on the counter. “I’m looking, Zev. But you know what I’m not seeing? Snacks.”

— Matt Dinniman

64. “Wait for my signal this time or you won’t be allowed to go to the party.” “I will kill your mother.”

— Matt Dinniman

65. “Carl. It’s too dangerous for a show to have guest stars that are more interesting than the main character. That’s why they killed Barb on Stranger Things.”

— Matt Dinniman

66. “NecroBard This unusual class combines one of the most-loved occupations with one of the most reviled.”

— Matt Dinniman

67. “Nor am I wearing a cloak that makes me look like I won a participation trophy at the special needs comic con, Carl. I’m a cat. Cats don’t wear pants.”

— Matt Dinniman

68. “Nothing is hopeless. Not until we’re truly dead.”

— Matt Dinniman

69. “Sergeant-at-Arms. “Well, that’s a lie, now isn’t it? It should just be Sergeant-at-Arm, not arms,” Donut quipped. “The next time we see him, I hope you rip his other arm off, Carl. Then he’ll just be a Sergeant.”

— Matt Dinniman

70. “I laughed. “Nobody is starting a harem.” “No, I suppose not,” Donut said. “You couldn’t even keep one woman interested.”

— Matt Dinniman

71. “Really, Katia,” Donut said, leaping to my shoulder. “If you need to borrow a sanitary napkin, just ask.”

— Matt Dinniman

72. “There is no shame in wanting to be alone yet also wanting the comfort and the strength of your brethren.”

— Matt Dinniman

73. “Okay, buddy. We gotta be quick. You are balls deep in the wrong hole, and mom is pulling into the driveway. You get me?”

— Matt Dinniman

74. “The corpse had looked like a party sized sausage and green pepper pizza that had been run over a few times.”

— Matt Dinniman

75. “Carl?” she asked. I looked down into her large, glowing eyes. “Yeah?” “I’m not as dumb as I pretend to be. I know she’s dead.” “I know.” I wrapped myself around her. We both closed our eyes and braced for the end.”

— Matt Dinniman

76. “What the hell is wrong with you? You planning on opening a thrift store? You might want to see a shrink. One that your group doesn’t immediately kill. Reward: We don’t reward this sort of behavior. It’s weird.”

— Matt Dinniman

77. “I mean, really. I can’t be held accountable for everything I’ve ever said to a stripper.”

— Matt Dinniman

78. “Her eyes were clenched shut in mock pain. “This mortal coil is shed.” “Oh, get up,” I said, looking about the room. “Help me loot all this crap.”

— Matt Dinniman

79. “Mongo is appalled.”

— Matt Dinniman

80. “Skill Potion. Drinking this adds a single level to the Determine Value skill. Hopefully now you’ll realize all those Magic: The Gathering cards are nothing more than just meaningless pieces of paper, and you should have spent your money on something with actual value, like a treadmill. Or shampoo.”

— Matt Dinniman

81. “Apito warns us of the great beast who yearns to unravel the heavens and kill all the gods. And now this great deceiver, this devourer of all that is holy, has a name. She is Donut, the Oak Fell, the death upon us all. She who ends.”

— Matt Dinniman

82. “This was also something that trauma could do. It could make you blind, and it could open your eyes wider than they’d ever been, all at the same time.”

— Matt Dinniman

83. “You’re my best friend, Carl. I’ve been so lonely. When you didn’t show up at the Bahamas on the last floor, I thought... ” He didn’t finish the sentence. He was letting out these huge, wet, snot-filled sobs.”

— Matt Dinniman