Top 80 Matt Dinniman Quotes (2026 Update)
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51. “If that’s true,” I said, “then you’re all in that same pot.” I turned to look at the audience. “All of you. If a government is afraid of what its people say, then maybe there’s a reason for it.”

— Matt Dinniman

52. “Be careful who you’re nice to. Because if you are nice to the wrong person, they’ll either take advantage of you, or worse, they might never leave.”

— Matt Dinniman

53. “Zev says the shows on Earth are better than anything she’s ever seen. We could make new ones and bring them to the universe. Maybe if the television shows are good enough, people wouldn’t be so interested in watching real-life people kill each other,” she said.”

— Matt Dinniman

54. “Gordo leaned over the counter and made a face. “This is your manager?” “Yep,” I said. He shook his head sadly. “You two are so dead.”

— Matt Dinniman

55. “You keep destroying governmental buildings, Carl,” Donut said. “People are going to start thinking you have a problem with authority.”

— Matt Dinniman

56. “It takes a certain amount of desperation before people finally stop caring about their immediate futures and start to look at the long term.”

— Matt Dinniman

57. “But then they’ll just run away,” Donut said. “I’d run away if some crazy guy showed up at game night and pulled out a gun and said, ‘Let’s play Russian Roulette instead of spin the bottle.”

— Matt Dinniman

58. “She loved him. And because she loved him, she would protect him, even when he made mistakes.”

— Matt Dinniman

59. “So if you read this and enjoyed it, please review it. It’s against Amazon’s rules to offer a prize to those who review books, but I will risk Amazon’s wrath and offer my services to be the father of your babies if you post a review.”

— Matt Dinniman

60. “Carl. It’s too dangerous for a show to have guest stars that are more interesting than the main character. That’s why they killed Barb on Stranger Things.”

— Matt Dinniman

61. “NecroBard This unusual class combines one of the most-loved occupations with one of the most reviled.”

— Matt Dinniman

62. “Nothing is hopeless. Not until we’re truly dead.”

— Matt Dinniman

63. “Sergeant-at-Arms. “Well, that’s a lie, now isn’t it? It should just be Sergeant-at-Arm, not arms,” Donut quipped. “The next time we see him, I hope you rip his other arm off, Carl. Then he’ll just be a Sergeant.”

— Matt Dinniman

64. “There is no shame in wanting to be alone yet also wanting the comfort and the strength of your brethren.”

— Matt Dinniman

65. “The corpse had looked like a party sized sausage and green pepper pizza that had been run over a few times.”

— Matt Dinniman

66. “Carl?” she asked. I looked down into her large, glowing eyes. “Yeah?” “I’m not as dumb as I pretend to be. I know she’s dead.” “I know.” I wrapped myself around her. We both closed our eyes and braced for the end.”

— Matt Dinniman

67. “What the hell is wrong with you? You planning on opening a thrift store? You might want to see a shrink. One that your group doesn’t immediately kill. Reward: We don’t reward this sort of behavior. It’s weird.”

— Matt Dinniman

68. “Her eyes were clenched shut in mock pain. “This mortal coil is shed.” “Oh, get up,” I said, looking about the room. “Help me loot all this crap.”

— Matt Dinniman

69. “Skill Potion. Drinking this adds a single level to the Determine Value skill. Hopefully now you’ll realize all those Magic: The Gathering cards are nothing more than just meaningless pieces of paper, and you should have spent your money on something with actual value, like a treadmill. Or shampoo.”

— Matt Dinniman

70. “Apito warns us of the great beast who yearns to unravel the heavens and kill all the gods. And now this great deceiver, this devourer of all that is holy, has a name. She is Donut, the Oak Fell, the death upon us all. She who ends.”

— Matt Dinniman

71. “This was also something that trauma could do. It could make you blind, and it could open your eyes wider than they’d ever been, all at the same time.”

— Matt Dinniman

72. “You’re my best friend, Carl. I’ve been so lonely. When you didn’t show up at the Bahamas on the last floor, I thought... ” He didn’t finish the sentence. He was letting out these huge, wet, snot-filled sobs.”

— Matt Dinniman

73. “Tracked All-Terrain Suicide Machine. The Royal Chariot – Contraption. If a snowmobile got drunk on moonshine and had a sweaty, ill-advised night with a hillbilly’s coon-hunting ATV, this oversized birth defect of a vehicle would be the result.”

— Matt Dinniman

74. “Souls weren’t something one was born with. No, I knew that now. Souls, and the resulting power, they were the sum of one’s pain, one’s joy, one’s laughter, and one’s wanting. All captured and distilled and expelled upon death.”

— Matt Dinniman

75. “They have a strong dislike for people named Josh and ska music.”

— Matt Dinniman

76. “Kids aren’t always a product of their parents. But sometimes that doesn’t matter. Sometimes parents can cast a shadow so thick, you can drown in it.”

— Matt Dinniman

77. “I feel that trying to talk me into killing myself is not proper parenting.”

— Matt Dinniman

78. “All it takes is a little seed, my mom had said that day as we planted the trees. Just little seeds here and there, and soon enough you have a forest.”

— Matt Dinniman

79. “Carl is very good at killing things, and he can be very clever about it sometimes, but he doesn’t do secret Asian man style murders.” “Agent,” I said. “What?” Donut asked. “It’s secret agent man. Not secret Asian man.”

— Matt Dinniman

80. “Happy wife, happy life takes on a whole new meaning when your other half is an indescribable cosmic horror.”

— Matt Dinniman

81. “People sure like to make a big deal out of adopting pets. They “rescue” them before they spend the next 10 years exploiting the poor, oblivious animal to death on social media. They splatch a bumper sticker that reads “Who Rescued Who?” on their minivans while the poor dog spends 20 hours a day in a stinking crate.”

— Matt Dinniman

82. “You know what, Carl? I’ve decided something,” Donut said, finally speaking. She released Mongo, who squawked and started investigating this strange, new world. “Yeah, Donut?” “I think they’re right about you. I think you’re crazy. Like, not a little weird crazy. Not guy who eats cereal without milk crazy. But crazy, crazy. Straitjacket crazy.” I took the cat into my lap, and then I pulled her to my chest. She purred heavily into my ear.”

— Matt Dinniman

83. “Target any healers within range” or “Target anyone who thinks it’s okay to put mayonnaise on hotdogs.”

— Matt Dinniman