Top 80 Matt Dinniman Quotes (2026 Update)

1. “Goddammit Donut!”

— Matt Dinniman

2. “If we get to the point where we don’t help each other anymore, that’s when we stop being human.”

— Matt Dinniman

3. “Mongo is appalled.”

— Matt Dinniman

4. “You’re not going to break me,” I said. “You might hurt me, or kill me, but you’re not going to break me.”

— Matt Dinniman

5. “New Achievement! This little piggy made a boom boom! You deployed a bomb with the supple, curved sole of your foot. You took your perfectly-perfect, 30.004861 centimeter-long right foot and compressed it against an explosive device – a device named after me no less – and you gave it a naughty little shove before you pushed it out the door and detonated it. You killed them. You killed them all for your daddy.”

— Matt Dinniman

6. “They were all gone. All I had left in this world was right here. Mongo soon started to snore. I could feel Donut’s warmth against the back of my neck. She breathed softly, oblivious of all that had occurred tonight. This, I thought, this is my family.”

— Matt Dinniman

7. “Everybody likes carnage when it’s not them.”

— Matt Dinniman

8. “Question: What’s the only thing standing between an innocent child and a happy, fulfilling life? Answer: You. The answer is you.”

— Matt Dinniman

9. “The transformation occurred at approximately 2:23 AM, Pacific Standard Time. As far as I could tell, anyone who was indoors when it happened died instantly. If you had any sort of roof over you, you were dead. That included people in cars, airplanes, subways. Even tents and cardboard boxes. Hell, probably umbrellas, too. Though I’m not so sure about that one.”

— Matt Dinniman

10. “Trauma does that, I thought. It’s an explosion with your heart at the center. It changes everything all at once.”

— Matt Dinniman

11. “Really, Katia,” Donut said, leaping to my shoulder. “If you need to borrow a sanitary napkin, just ask.”

— Matt Dinniman

12. “You’re wearing a mask right now, Donut, and you don’t know how to remove it. That’s okay. You don’t need to. Not yet. That mask is protecting you.”

— Matt Dinniman

13. “I mean, really. I can’t be held accountable for everything I’ve ever said to a stripper.”

— Matt Dinniman

14. “And I was so stupid, because I thought since I loved you, that meant you loved me.”

— Matt Dinniman

15. “You’re not my person anymore,” Donut added. “Carl is. He’s always been.”

— Matt Dinniman

16. “I’m sorry, Carl,” the robot said, her head turning 180 degrees to look back at me. “The void is wet and hungry.”

— Matt Dinniman

17. “So help me god,” I said. “I will abandon you right here and right now if you choose to take up the kazoo.”

— Matt Dinniman

18. “Okay, buddy. We gotta be quick. You are balls deep in the wrong hole, and mom is pulling into the driveway. You get me?”

— Matt Dinniman

19. “Never stare into the blinding eye of the Bedlam Bride. What it means is don’t become obsessed with something, lest you’re blinded to everything else.”

— Matt Dinniman

20. “Puppies shouldn’t ever share a world with pain. Yet here we are. Thanks, earth culture.”

— Matt Dinniman

21. “Did we really just start a meth war between the goblins and the llamas?”

— Matt Dinniman

22. “And how is that machine greased? The universe’s four lubricants. Blood, tears, taxes, and lawyers.”

— Matt Dinniman

23. “My beautiful boy,” Miriam whispered as she turned to dust. “My beautiful boy.”

— Matt Dinniman

24. “Maybe i’ll go to the same place? Maybe, there will be stars?”

— Matt Dinniman

25. “But the truth is, when people are really given the opportunity to be something else, and that change is real and permanent, most opt to stay the same. They get scared. Even if there’s an obviously better choice, it’s terrifying to take that leap. And if that something else is a major change, there’s always a learning curve. Sometimes it’s better to stay in familiar skin.”

— Matt Dinniman

26. “Don’t compare your circumstances with how they were yesterday. Look at how they were years ago.”

— Matt Dinniman

27. “I laughed. “Nobody is starting a harem.” “No, I suppose not,” Donut said. “You couldn’t even keep one woman interested.”

— Matt Dinniman

28. “The last time the walls shook like this was when your mom came over for a visit.”

— Matt Dinniman

29. “Bad Llama. Level 3. It’s a llama, but it’s bad. If he were human, he’d be covered in prison tattoos and would be hanging out in front of the Circle K hitting on 14-year-old girls. They might be willing to sell you something if you have good stuff to trade. You won’t want to get hit by their spit.”

— Matt Dinniman

30. “Mongo shrieked with joy and began to vigorously devour the remains, filling himself up so much his stomach bulged afterward. The little dinosaur puked on the floor and then ate that, too.”

— Matt Dinniman

31. “Miss Beatrice once used scissors to get poop off my butt,” Donut said. “Uh huh,” I said. “Once?” “We’re having a moment here, Carl. Don’t ruin it.”

— Matt Dinniman

32. “Your creature crapped in my mother’s ashes,” Mordecai said, shaking his head. “This is so not worth it. Not worth it at all.”

— Matt Dinniman

33. “Donut told me about your dumbass idea to use one of your own bones or whatever to get out. People have bones for a reason, Carl.”

— Matt Dinniman

34. “But all I could think about was that lonely dog, left alone to guard an empty gas station on Christmas day.”

— Matt Dinniman

35. “Being eaten by a bugbear makes me uncomfortable, Carl. So if your boyfriend ogling your tootises keeps these easy-peasy bugs coming at us instead of more of those lava-spitting llamas, then you better buck up, get over your human male privilege, and take one for your princess.”

— Matt Dinniman

36. “My four-year-old mind couldn’t possibly register it at the time, but it was the scent of happiness, of joy, of being a kid, of not being afraid.”

— Matt Dinniman

37. “There was a difference between giving aid and sacrificing yourself for people you didn’t even know.”

— Matt Dinniman

38. “They say the sincerest form of flattery is when someone copies you.” Donut scoffed. “No, Carl. That’s just something thieves say to make themselves feel better about stealing other people’s stuff. The sincerest form of flattery is when people cry when they meet you.”

— Matt Dinniman

39. “Yo. Donut told me we sometimes get snacks,” Ferdinand said. He remained up on the counter. “I’m looking, Zev. But you know what I’m not seeing? Snacks.”

— Matt Dinniman

40. “Wait for my signal this time or you won’t be allowed to go to the party.” “I will kill your mother.”

— Matt Dinniman

41. “Nor am I wearing a cloak that makes me look like I won a participation trophy at the special needs comic con, Carl. I’m a cat. Cats don’t wear pants.”

— Matt Dinniman

42. “I don’t stick my butthole in everybody’s face when they’re trying to sit down and eat.” “Well, excuse me for showing affection. I mean really.”

— Matt Dinniman

43. “Ever since that first monkey looked up into the sky and saw something twinkling up there, you meat puppets have tried to force twenty pounds of existential meaning into a ten pound sack of chaos.”

— Matt Dinniman

44. “Right now, I needed to get this damn crab to jerk off into the ocean.”

— Matt Dinniman

45. “It’s the Son Who Fell. The Sinner, Resurrected. The Bringer of Disease, Bringer of Salvation. The Ender of All Blasphemy. It’s the calamitous, rapturous, and ultimately hazardous master of the life-death boomerang. It’s Lazarus-A-Bang-Bang!”

— Matt Dinniman

46. “Orthrus. The most loveable hell-hound on this side of Alpha Centauri. The left side is for sniffin’ and the right side is for lickin’ and that pink belly of his? It’s for kissin’.”

— Matt Dinniman

47. “A distant part of me was alarmed at this attitude. But this was war, and there was no use pretending like it wasn’t.”

— Matt Dinniman

48. “He rushed up and chomped her directly on the nose.”

— Matt Dinniman

49. “She saw something too many parents miss. This petite, timid child wasn’t a reflection of herself. She was something much more wondrous. She was an unwritten story, one that could end up anywhere. A story where neither of the parents were the main character.”

— Matt Dinniman

50. “Sometimes, there are no surprises, and despite that, despite your intention to gird yourself against what’s about to come, it still hits you with the force of a kick to the stomach.”

— Matt Dinniman