Top 5 Maxime Valette Quotes (2025 Update)

Maxime Valette Quote: “Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn’t use it. Now I can’t find it.”

1. “Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn’t use it. Now I can’t find it.”

2. “Today, I was babysitting a seven-year-old girl and we were eating chocolate-covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts, and wondered aloud where the chocolate was. I told her that to taste the chocolate, you had to suck on the treats. The first thing she told her parents when they got home was: ‘I learned how to suck nuts!’ FML.”

— Maxime Valette

3. “Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a ‘rubber’. I didn’t realize that, in America, ‘rubber’ doesn’t mean ‘eraser’ – it means ‘condom’. FML.”

— Maxime Valette

4. “Today, a really hot guy walked into my office. Wanting to impress him, I picked up the phone and pretended to be making a huge business deal, talking loudly about big sums of money. I put the phone down and smiled seductively at him. He said, ‘Hi! I’m here to connect your phone lines.’ FML.”

— Maxime Valette

5. “Today, I woke up at my grandparents’ house. Still half asleep, I went to brush my teeth. Mid-brush, my mouth started going numb. I inspected the toothpaste. It was my grandpa’s anti-itch anal cream. FML.”

— Maxime Valette

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