Top 35 Michael R. Burch Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.”

— Michael R. Burch

2. “Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?”

— Michael R. Burch

3. “I lived as best I could, and then I died. Be careful where you step: the grave is wide.”

— Michael R. Burch

4. “Trump claims he’d be the “best jobs president that God ever created.” But isn’t his claim to fame firing people?”

— Michael R. Burch

5. “Perhaps love doesn’t make the world go round, but it makes the bumpy ride worthwhile and provides a glorious destination.”

— Michael R. Burch

6. “How can the Bible be “infallible” when from Genesis to Revelation slavery is commanded and condoned, but never condemned?”

— Michael R. Burch

7. “There’s no better tonic for other people’s bad ideas, than to think for oneself.”

— Michael R. Burch

8. “Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.”

— Michael R. Burch

9. “Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it’s far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: “I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End.””

— Michael R. Burch

10. “Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.”

— Michael R. Burch

11. “Donald Trump just announced that if Republicans don’t treat him fairly, he will resurrect the Whig party and run as its hair apparent.”

— Michael R. Burch

12. “Donald Trump accused Huma Abedin of sharing state secrets with her husband. I think Trump clearly lacks a sense of Huma.”

— Michael R. Burch

13. “If God is good half the Bible is libel.”

— Michael R. Burch

14. “The slogan of the American Civil Rights Movement was “We shall overcome!” Donald Trump’s new campaign slogan is “We shall overcomb!””

— Michael R. Burch

15. “If every witty thing that’s said was true, Oscar Wilde, the world would worship You!”

— Michael R. Burch

16. “These are clearly the end times, and now we understand why the prophets warned us about the Trump of Doom.”

— Michael R. Burch

17. “It’s not that every leaf must finally fall, it’s just that we can never catch them all.”

— Michael R. Burch

18. “Hell hath no fury like a frustrated fundamentalist whose God condemned him to “hell” for having “impure thoughts.””

— Michael R. Burch

19. “Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump’s hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?”

— Michael R. Burch

20. “Donald Trump has filed so many bankruptcies and busted so many companies that his children now have receding heir lines.”

— Michael R. Burch

21. “Donald Trump’s hairpiece has reportedly narrowed its list of running partners down to Don King, Kramer, William Shatner, Dolly Parton and Phil Spector, and has no worries about being upstaged.”

— Michael R. Burch

22. “What do we get when the Donald exposes his enormous ass? A trump roast.”

— Michael R. Burch

23. “When I was being bullied, I had to learn not to judge myself by the opinions of intolerant morons. Then I felt much better.”

— Michael R. Burch

24. “Love is either wholly folly, or fully holy.”

— Michael R. Burch

25. “C’m’on lefties! Admit that Trump has been very tough on China. He has been especially tough on Chinese kids who slave away in sweatboxes, making his clothing lines.”

— Michael R. Burch

26. “Donald Trump isn’t really running for president, come on! This is obviously a new reality show, Celebrity Presidential Apprentice. It ends with the incompetent celebrity being berated, humiliated, then unceremoniously fired.”

— Michael R. Burch

27. “What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.”

— Michael R. Burch

28. “Every political card played by Jeb Bush has been Trumped; every political note played by The Donald has been Trumpeted.”

— Michael R. Burch

29. “When Donald Trump becomes president, he’ll fly on a jumbo jet rebadged Hair Force One. It will be oversized to contain his massive ego, and will have all the latest and greatest blowdryer technology.”

— Michael R. Burch

30. “Even Donald Trump’s hairpiece is fed up with his insults and says it now supports Bernie Sanders. When Trump found out, he sobbed.”

— Michael R. Burch

31. “Donald Trump just pledged to be loyal to the Green Party, the Communist Party and Party Central, as long as they agree to be nice to that thing on his head. If not, all bets are off.”

— Michael R. Burch

32. “Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.”

— Michael R. Burch

33. “Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.”

— Michael R. Burch

34. “Epigrams delight us into wisdom.”

— Michael R. Burch

35. “It’s simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!”

— Michael R. Burch

36. “President Obama contends that charges he is “not really an American” have been trumped up by you-know-who.”

— Michael R. Burch

37. “The truth can finally be told: Donald Trump’s autism was caused by a vaccination that went terribly wrong; this explains why he can’t relate to other people.”

— Michael R. Burch