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Top 25 Mike Royko Quotes (2025 Update)

Mike Royko Quote: “It’s much harder to be a liberal than a conservative. Why? Because it is easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand.”

1. “It’s much harder to be a liberal than a conservative. Why? Because it is easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn’t the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.”

2. “Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn’t the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.”

Mike Royko Quote: “It’s been my policy to view the Internet not as an ‘information highway,’ but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.”

3. “It’s been my policy to view the Internet not as an ‘information highway,’ but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.”

Mike Royko Quote: “If God dislikes gays so much, how come he picked Michelangelo, a known homosexual, to paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling while assigning Anita Bryant to go on television and push orange juice?”

4. “If God dislikes gays so much, how come he picked Michelangelo, a known homosexual, to paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling while assigning Anita Bryant to go on television and push orange juice?”

Mike Royko Quote: “God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west.”

5. “God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west.”

Mike Royko Quote: “When Michael Jordan quit, I suddenly found myself without a sports hero.”

6. “When Michael Jordan quit, I suddenly found myself without a sports hero.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Contrary to popular belief. It’s much wiser to take money from the poor than the rich.”

7. “Contrary to popular belief. It’s much wiser to take money from the poor than the rich.”

Mike Royko Quote: “It’s unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him.”

8. “It’s unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him.”

Mike Royko Quote: “For some people, being free means being free to keep their feet on someone else’s chest.”

9. “For some people, being free means being free to keep their feet on someone else’s chest.”

Mike Royko Quote: “When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.”

10. “When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Why do you think the lottery is so popular? Do you think anybody would play if the super payoff was a job on the night shift in a meat-packing plant? People play it so if they win they can be rich and idle. Like I told you years ago – if work is so good, how come they have to pay us to do it?”

11. “Why do you think the lottery is so popular? Do you think anybody would play if the super payoff was a job on the night shift in a meat-packing plant? People play it so if they win they can be rich and idle. Like I told you years ago – if work is so good, how come they have to pay us to do it?”

Mike Royko Quote: “The subject of criminal rehabilitation was debated recently in City Hall. It’s an appropriate place for this kind of discussion because the city has always employed so many ex-cons and future cons.”

12. “The subject of criminal rehabilitation was debated recently in City Hall. It’s an appropriate place for this kind of discussion because the city has always employed so many ex-cons and future cons.”

Mike Royko Quote: “A Pessimist sees the glass as half empty; A Cub Fan wonders when it’s gonna spill.”

13. “A Pessimist sees the glass as half empty; A Cub Fan wonders when it’s gonna spill.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Anyone who gives a surgeon six thousand dollars for breast augmentation should give some thought to investing a little more in brain augmentation.”

14. “Anyone who gives a surgeon six thousand dollars for breast augmentation should give some thought to investing a little more in brain augmentation.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Reagan’s approach will achieve one of the basic goals of the conservative: Things remain basically the same. The rich stay rich and the poor stay poor, or even a little poorer.”

15. “Reagan’s approach will achieve one of the basic goals of the conservative: Things remain basically the same. The rich stay rich and the poor stay poor, or even a little poorer.”

Mike Royko Quote: “I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a couple of hours seeing the bad guys lose.”

16. “I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a couple of hours seeing the bad guys lose.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Newspapers, magazines and other publications have the constitutional right to be offensive, even disgusting. As evidence of that, just watch this space regularly.”

17. “Newspapers, magazines and other publications have the constitutional right to be offensive, even disgusting. As evidence of that, just watch this space regularly.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.”

18. “Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.”

Mike Royko Quote: “There is only one way to solve the alleged crisis of the erosion of ‘family values.’ And that is to get right down to the root cause of the problem.”

19. “There is only one way to solve the alleged crisis of the erosion of ‘family values.’ And that is to get right down to the root cause of the problem.”

Mike Royko Quote: “It’s no coincidence that female interest in the sport of baseball has increased greatly since the ballplayers swapped those wonderful old-time baggy flannel uniforms for leotards.”

20. “It’s no coincidence that female interest in the sport of baseball has increased greatly since the ballplayers swapped those wonderful old-time baggy flannel uniforms for leotards.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don’t want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat’s collar before cooking.”

21. “Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don’t want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat’s collar before cooking.”

Mike Royko Quote: “If the regular pay was important to him, the opportunity to learn was of even greater long-range significance.”

22. “If the regular pay was important to him, the opportunity to learn was of even greater long-range significance.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Hollywood is right. A good and strong movie can have a more powerful social impact than any and all political speeches or newspaper editorials and columns.”

23. “Hollywood is right. A good and strong movie can have a more powerful social impact than any and all political speeches or newspaper editorials and columns.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Hollywood likes to boast that it can elevate the national conscience.”

24. “Hollywood likes to boast that it can elevate the national conscience.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Hollywood has always been political. They consider it their right and duty to tell us what is politically good and right.”

25. “Hollywood has always been political. They consider it their right and duty to tell us what is politically good and right.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Anyone who contributes to the defense fund of pornographers is a mental moonbeam.”

26. “Anyone who contributes to the defense fund of pornographers is a mental moonbeam.”

Mike Royko Quote: “Forty years ago, we were on the tail of the Front Page era. There was a different point of view. Reporters and editors were more forgiving of public people. They didn’t think they had to stick someone in jail to make a career.”

27. “Forty years ago, we were on the tail of the Front Page era. There was a different point of view. Reporters and editors were more forgiving of public people. They didn’t think they had to stick someone in jail to make a career.”

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