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Top 15 Ned Beauman Quotes (2025 Update)

Ned Beauman Quote: “So intense was his sexual frustration that it had begun to feel like a life-threatening illness: testicular gout, libidinal gangrene.”

1. “So intense was his sexual frustration that it had begun to feel like a life-threatening illness: testicular gout, libidinal gangrene.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “The simile has to match the tone of its surroundings and has to be like a little joke. Writing a simile that isn’t funny on some level is quite hard.”

2. “The simile has to match the tone of its surroundings and has to be like a little joke. Writing a simile that isn’t funny on some level is quite hard.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “I would love to learn how to air kiss non-awkwardly.”

3. “I would love to learn how to air kiss non-awkwardly.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “Until I was 16, I read nothing but science fiction. I loved William Gibson and I still do. But my favourite book when I was growing up, for a long time, was ‘Snow Crash’ by Neal Stephenson, which I must have read about a dozen times when I was a teenager.”

4. “Until I was 16, I read nothing but science fiction. I loved William Gibson and I still do. But my favourite book when I was growing up, for a long time, was ‘Snow Crash’ by Neal Stephenson, which I must have read about a dozen times when I was a teenager.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “There’s never a bad time to put earplugs in. They’re the kind of thing you can reject as a bit lame, but somebody told me to do start wearing earplugs and it turned out to be great advice.”

5. “There’s never a bad time to put earplugs in. They’re the kind of thing you can reject as a bit lame, but somebody told me to do start wearing earplugs and it turned out to be great advice.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “I’m very finicky about when I’m in the right mood to write. So most days, I find some excuse not to do anything.”

6. “I’m very finicky about when I’m in the right mood to write. So most days, I find some excuse not to do anything.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “I always save a huge book for a flight, because then you read it at both airports and on the plane and by the time you get home you’re a quarter of the way through and it doesn’t feel so unmanageable any more.”

7. “I always save a huge book for a flight, because then you read it at both airports and on the plane and by the time you get home you’re a quarter of the way through and it doesn’t feel so unmanageable any more.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “I don’t have a day job, so I read any time of day.”

8. “I don’t have a day job, so I read any time of day.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “I’m reasonably good at talking onstage, but actually holding court in a pub is all to do with power dynamics which I don’t think has anything to do with fiction.”

9. “I’m reasonably good at talking onstage, but actually holding court in a pub is all to do with power dynamics which I don’t think has anything to do with fiction.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “You couldn’t truly love anything if you didn’t hate at least something.”

10. “You couldn’t truly love anything if you didn’t hate at least something.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “If I want to feel as if I’m being sucked down a fathomless gloomy tunnel for hours and hours then I have a complete set of Schopenhauer at home.”

11. “If I want to feel as if I’m being sucked down a fathomless gloomy tunnel for hours and hours then I have a complete set of Schopenhauer at home.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “Naming one thing after another cannot, logically, increase the chances of the new thing turning out like the old thing.”

12. “Naming one thing after another cannot, logically, increase the chances of the new thing turning out like the old thing.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “I started my first novel when I was 10, and have produced thousands of pages of juvenilia since.”

13. “I started my first novel when I was 10, and have produced thousands of pages of juvenilia since.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “What he hates about whisky hangovers, he thinks now, is the synthesis they achieve between the spiritual and the gastric, as if your soul needs to throw up or your stomach has realised life is meaningless.”

14. “What he hates about whisky hangovers, he thinks now, is the synthesis they achieve between the spiritual and the gastric, as if your soul needs to throw up or your stomach has realised life is meaningless.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “Plot is tremendously important to me: I can’t stand books where nothing happens, and I can’t imagine ever writing a novel without at least one murder.”

15. “Plot is tremendously important to me: I can’t stand books where nothing happens, and I can’t imagine ever writing a novel without at least one murder.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “I was always determined that one way or another I would force a book on the world, even if I had to resort to writing one about a tabby cat who solves mysteries.”

16. “I was always determined that one way or another I would force a book on the world, even if I had to resort to writing one about a tabby cat who solves mysteries.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “I read ‘The Good Soldier’ by Ford Madox Ford again every so often.”

17. “I read ‘The Good Soldier’ by Ford Madox Ford again every so often.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “You couldn’t truly love anything if you didn’t hate at least something. Indeed, perhaps you couldn’t truly love anything if you didn’t hate almost everything.”

18. “You couldn’t truly love anything if you didn’t hate at least something. Indeed, perhaps you couldn’t truly love anything if you didn’t hate almost everything.”

— Ned Beauman

Ned Beauman Quote: “That was how Sinner got his first taste of anything other than the froth on his father’s ale. It made you grimace, but if you drank enough it felt like discovering an entire hidden room in your own house that you’d never even known about. You wanted to do more than poke your head through the doorway. You wanted to take its dimensions.”

19. “That was how Sinner got his first taste of anything other than the froth on his father’s ale. It made you grimace, but if you drank enough it felt like discovering an entire hidden room in your own house that you’d never even known about. You wanted to do more than poke your head through the doorway. You wanted to take its dimensions.”

— Ned Beauman

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