Top 40 Noel Fielding Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.”

— Noel Fielding

2. “People said, ‘You must be mad, or on drugs,’ which I found a bit disappointing. What about imagination? It reflects our time that people sooner assume you’re on drugs or mad, rather than free.”

— Noel Fielding

3. “It’s impossible to be unhappy while wearing a poncho!”

— Noel Fielding

4. “When you’re quite young, your imagination’s quite free.”

— Noel Fielding

5. “Science teachers and the mentally ill, that’s all Jazz is for.”

— Noel Fielding

6. “I’m a mischievous drunk.”

— Noel Fielding

7. “When I’m 70 I might be a man in a park just wandering around, speaking in tongues with kids throwing bread at me.”

— Noel Fielding

8. “When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool.”

— Noel Fielding

9. “I could get an audience into my world and if you can do that, they’ll go with you not all the way, but a lot of the way.”

— Noel Fielding

10. “There was a big age difference between me and my brothers – about 10 years – so I was an only child for a long time. I used to hang out a lot on my own. I played a lot of weird games with a lot of imaginary people. I guess it’s kind of roleplaying...”

— Noel Fielding

11. “No means yes in grasshopper language.”

— Noel Fielding

12. “You can’t just go gay, its not like buying a ladder.”

— Noel Fielding

13. “This is not a dress. This is a sacred robe of the ancient psychedelic monks.”

— Noel Fielding

14. “I don’t hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay.”

— Noel Fielding

15. “Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I’ll be off my tits on happiness.”

— Noel Fielding

16. “The tie’s a multi purpose accessory, y’know, belt, school boy, Rambo.”

— Noel Fielding

17. “I don’t really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn’t really a joke, just tiny moments.”

— Noel Fielding

18. “When I was a really young child, I felt like I could see fairies. I was convinced there were fairies in my grandmother’s garden.”

— Noel Fielding

19. “All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.”

— Noel Fielding

20. “I never did that badly with women when I wasn’t on telly, but it’s a bit out of control now. Women try it on with me more than I’m comfortable with. It’s strange, because I think I look like a troll wearing a woman’s wig backwards.”

— Noel Fielding

21. “In comedy, you see yourself as a newcomer and then you realize you’ve been doing it for 18, 20 years, which is ridiculous.”

— Noel Fielding

22. “You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas eggs?”

— Noel Fielding

23. “That’s the authentic punk dance. It’s like a child dizzy on lemonade.”

— Noel Fielding

24. “There’s something amazing about tea. It’s good before a meal, after a meal, when drunk, when taking drugs, while playing football and after being called a poof in the street.”

— Noel Fielding

25. “I visited a friend in Leicester recently. It was 4am and we all ran around in a circle, six of us. It’s the most fun I’ve had since i was seven. And I thought: it’s not about drink, or drugs, or fancy clubs. It’s about running around in your socks, changing direction in a front room in Leicester.”

— Noel Fielding

26. “Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.”

— Noel Fielding

27. “Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.”

— Noel Fielding

28. “I don’t pick stuff up I knock stuff down!”

— Noel Fielding

29. “When you’re a kid and someone’s an artist, you think of Leonardo da Vinci. You don’t think that’s a job; you just think of a man with a beard painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.”

— Noel Fielding

30. “I’ve had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in.”

— Noel Fielding

31. “I always wanted to travel around and see lots of America, I’d never been to Boston, I’d never been to San Francisco even, so I’m quite excited to just go the places.”

— Noel Fielding

32. “There’s not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.”

— Noel Fielding

33. “My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.”

— Noel Fielding

34. “When you’re famous you can’t go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses – the full Madonna kit – it doesn’t work: my stupid face is too big.”

— Noel Fielding

35. “When I was 14, I saw someone getting their face and wrists slashed with a knife in a pub in Catford. Nobody lifted a finger. That’s when I realised that violence wasn’t funny. At all.”

— Noel Fielding

36. “I’d like to punch out a really old lady. There’d be no repercussions.”

— Noel Fielding

37. “When I was three or four, I was really good at drawing and painting, and everyone used to say, “You’re going to go to art college.” I didn’t really know what that meant.”

— Noel Fielding

38. “Some people have a fear of being on stage. I have a fear of coming off it.”

— Noel Fielding

39. “Englishmen do like to get in a dress, any excuse.”

— Noel Fielding

40. “Yeah? Rock ‘n’ Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I’ll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.”

— Noel Fielding

41. “I’d have to do unannounced gigs because your fans will laugh at everything because they know what you do already. What you really want is a neutral audience that isn’t too harsh – a good comedy crowd – but that don’t know necessarily what you’re doing.”

— Noel Fielding

42. “I’ve got it all in here ultra violets, flying saucers, strawberry bootlace come on get involved...”

— Noel Fielding

43. “If you’re going to be a good standup, or a successful standup, or a standup who can work for money, you have to eliminate the possibility of dying quickly.”

— Noel Fielding

44. “When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I’d look like him.”

— Noel Fielding

45. “I don’t think I’d have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I’d have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.”

— Noel Fielding

46. “I did work in a bakery for one day. But the boss went off and when he came back I was lying on the floor eating cakes.”

— Noel Fielding

47. “When you start, it’s not to do with the material so much. It’s more to do with how you can control a crowd and make friends with an audience and sell your brand of humor.”

— Noel Fielding

48. “It’s very difficult once you’ve been on telly because people know what you do. They give you a little bit of grace but then they’re harsher if you’re not funny, so you have to be funny.”

— Noel Fielding