Top 500 P. G. Wodehouse Quotes (2025 Update)
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301. “Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

302. “I was as limpid as dammit.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

303. “But the southwest wind of Spring brings also remorse. We catch the vague spirit of unrest in the air and we regret our misspent youth.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

304. “Well, you certainly are the most wonderfully woolly baa-lamb that ever stepped.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

305. “Don’t they put aunts in Turkey in sacks and drop them in the Bosphorus?’ ‘Odalisques, sir, I understand. Not aunts.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

306. “Well, this should certainly teach us, should it not, never to repine, never to despair, never to allow the upper lip to unstiffen, but always to remember that, no matter how dark the skies may be, the sun is shining somewhere and will eventually come smiling through.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

307. “I suppose the cave-woman sometimes felt rather relieved when everything was settled for her with a club, but I’m sure the caveman must have had a hard time ridding himself of the thought that he had behaved like a cad and taken a mean advantage.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

308. “I never was interested in politics. I’m quite unable to work up any kind of belligerent feeling. Just as I’m about to feel belligerent about some country I meet a decent sort of chap. We go out together and lose any fighting thoughts or feelings.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

309. “What’s the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don’t yield to them?”

— P. G. Wodehouse

310. “Always get to the dialogue as soon as possible. I always feel the thing to go for is speed. Nothing puts the reader off more than a big slab of prose at the start.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

311. “Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-who-like-to-be-left-alone- to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

312. “If it were not for quotations, conversations between gentlemen would consist of an endless series of ’what-ho!’s.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

313. “She was a shrewd woman, and knew that the art of life is to know when to stop talking. What words have accomplished, too many words can undo. “Good-bye.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

314. “Nature seems to unbutton its waistcoat and put its feet up.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

315. “Lord Emsworth had one of those minds capable of accommodating but one thought at a time – if that.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

316. “Henry lived in a boarding-house in Guildford Street.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

317. “I marmaladed a slice of toast with something of a flourish and I don’t suppose I have ever come much closer to saying ‘Tra la la’ as I did the lathering for I was feeling in mid season form this morning.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

318. “They were real golfers, for real golf is a thing of the spirit, not of mere mechanical excellence of stroke.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

319. “Just another proof, of course, of what I often say – it takes all sorts to make a world.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

320. “I tried to utter, but could not. The tongue had got all tangled up with the uvula, and the brain seemed paralyzed. I was feeling the same stunned feeling which, I imagine, Chichester Clam must have felt as the door of the potting shed slammed and he heard Boko starting to yodel without – a nightmare sensation of being but a helpless pawn in the hands of Fate.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

321. “One of the Georges – I forget which – once said that a certain number of hours’ sleep each night – I cannot recall at the moment how many – made a man something which for the time being has slipped my memory.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

322. “Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

323. “When it comes to the smooth stuff, old girl, you’re the oyster’s eye-tooth!”

— P. G. Wodehouse

324. “Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?”

— P. G. Wodehouse

325. “You agreee with me that the situation is a lulu? Certainly, a somewhat sharp crisis in your affairs would appear to have been precipitated, Sir.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

326. “If you see a man asking for trouble, and insisting on getting it, the only thing to do is to stand by and wait till it comes to him. After that you may get a chance. But till then there’s nothing to be done.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

327. “As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

328. “He stood looking at the detective like Schopenhauer’s butcher at the selected lamb.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

329. “Golf, like measles, should be caught young.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

330. “He groaned slightly and winced like Prometheus watching his vulture dropping in for lunch.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

331. “The sun, taken in as usual by the never-failing practical joke of the Daylight Saving Act, had only just set, and a golden afterglow lingered on the fields as the car which had met the train purred over the two miles of country road that separated the little town from the castle.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

332. “Psmith is the only thing in my literary career which was handed to me on a plate with watercress round it, thus enabling me to avoid the blood, sweat and tears inseparable from an author’s life.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

333. “It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

334. “Ah, well,’ I said resignedly, ‘if that’s that, that’s that, what?’ ‘So it would appear, sir.’ ‘Nothing to do but keep the chin up and the upper lip as stiff as can be managed. I think I’ll go to bed with an improving book. Have you read The Mystery of the Pink Crayfish by Rex West?”

— P. G. Wodehouse

335. “I shoved on a dressing-gown, and flew downstairs like a mighty, rushing wind.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

336. “The reactions of a country-house party to an after-dinner dog-fight in the drawing-room always vary considerably according to the individual natures of its members. Lady.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

337. “As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

338. “In your walks about London you will sometimes see bent, haggard figures that look as if they had recently been caught in some powerful machinery. They are those fellows who got mixed up with Catsmeat when he was meaning well.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

339. “When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

340. “There was the man who seemed to be attempting to decieve his ball and lull it into a false sense of security by looking away from it and then making a lightning slash in the apparent hope of catching it off its guard.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

341. “It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

342. “Presently, the cow’s audience-appeal began to wane. It was a fine cow, as cows go, but, like so many cows, it lacked sustained dramatic interest.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

343. “I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

344. “Watching you at work, I was reminded of the young lady of Natchez, whose clothes were all tatters and patches. In alluding to which, she would say, “Well, Ah itch, and wherever ah itches, Ah scratches.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

345. “It is the glorious uncertainty of golf that makes it the game it is.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

346. “He put the good old cup of tea softly on the table by my bed, and I took a refreshing sip. Just right, as usual. Not too hot, not too sweet, not to weak, not too strong, not too much milk, and not a drop spilled in the saucer. A most amazing cove, Jeeves. So dashed competent in every respect.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

347. “You know, Bayliss,” said Jimmy thoughtfully, rolling over on the couch, “life is peculiar, not to say odd. You never know what is waiting for you round the corner. You start the day with the fairest prospects, and before nightfall everything is as rocky and ding-basted as stig tossed full of doodlegammon.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

348. “I pity the shrimp that matches wits with you Jeeves.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

349. “Just as you say, sir. There is a letter on the tray, sir.” “By Jove, Jeeves, that was practically poetry. Rhymed, did you notice?”

— P. G. Wodehouse

350. “Employers are like horses – they require management.”

— P. G. Wodehouse