Top 500 P. G. Wodehouse Quotes (2024 Update)
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301. “Don’t they put aunts in Turkey in sacks and drop them in the Bosphorus?’ ‘Odalisques, sir, I understand. Not aunts.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

302. “I was as limpid as dammit.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

303. “But the southwest wind of Spring brings also remorse. We catch the vague spirit of unrest in the air and we regret our misspent youth.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

304. “Always get to the dialogue as soon as possible. I always feel the thing to go for is speed. Nothing puts the reader off more than a big slab of prose at the start.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

305. “I never was interested in politics. I’m quite unable to work up any kind of belligerent feeling. Just as I’m about to feel belligerent about some country I meet a decent sort of chap. We go out together and lose any fighting thoughts or feelings.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

306. “Well, this should certainly teach us, should it not, never to repine, never to despair, never to allow the upper lip to unstiffen, but always to remember that, no matter how dark the skies may be, the sun is shining somewhere and will eventually come smiling through.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

307. “I suppose the cave-woman sometimes felt rather relieved when everything was settled for her with a club, but I’m sure the caveman must have had a hard time ridding himself of the thought that he had behaved like a cad and taken a mean advantage.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

308. “Well, you certainly are the most wonderfully woolly baa-lamb that ever stepped.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

309. “What’s the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don’t yield to them?”

— P. G. Wodehouse

310. “If it were not for quotations, conversations between gentlemen would consist of an endless series of ’what-ho!’s.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

311. “She was a shrewd woman, and knew that the art of life is to know when to stop talking. What words have accomplished, too many words can undo. “Good-bye.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

312. “Nature seems to unbutton its waistcoat and put its feet up.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

313. “Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-who-like-to-be-left-alone- to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

314. “Henry lived in a boarding-house in Guildford Street.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

315. “Just another proof, of course, of what I often say – it takes all sorts to make a world.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

316. “You agreee with me that the situation is a lulu? Certainly, a somewhat sharp crisis in your affairs would appear to have been precipitated, Sir.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

317. “Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

318. “They were real golfers, for real golf is a thing of the spirit, not of mere mechanical excellence of stroke.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

319. “I marmaladed a slice of toast with something of a flourish and I don’t suppose I have ever come much closer to saying ‘Tra la la’ as I did the lathering for I was feeling in mid season form this morning.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

320. “As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

321. “Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?”

— P. G. Wodehouse

322. “Lord Emsworth had one of those minds capable of accommodating but one thought at a time – if that.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

323. “It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

324. “One of the Georges – I forget which – once said that a certain number of hours’ sleep each night – I cannot recall at the moment how many – made a man something which for the time being has slipped my memory.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

325. “Golf, like measles, should be caught young.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

326. “You would be miserable if you had to go through life with a human doormat with ‘Welcome’ written on him. You want some one made of sterner stuff. You want, as it were, a sparring-partner, some one with whom you can quarrel happily with the certain knowledge that he will not curl up in a ball for you to kick, but will be there with the return wallop.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

327. “I shoved on a dressing-gown, and flew downstairs like a mighty, rushing wind.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

328. “The reactions of a country-house party to an after-dinner dog-fight in the drawing-room always vary considerably according to the individual natures of its members. Lady.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

329. “If you see a man asking for trouble, and insisting on getting it, the only thing to do is to stand by and wait till it comes to him. After that you may get a chance. But till then there’s nothing to be done.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

330. “The sun, taken in as usual by the never-failing practical joke of the Daylight Saving Act, had only just set, and a golden afterglow lingered on the fields as the car which had met the train purred over the two miles of country road that separated the little town from the castle.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

331. “Psmith is the only thing in my literary career which was handed to me on a plate with watercress round it, thus enabling me to avoid the blood, sweat and tears inseparable from an author’s life.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

332. “I tried to utter, but could not. The tongue had got all tangled up with the uvula, and the brain seemed paralyzed. I was feeling the same stunned feeling which, I imagine, Chichester Clam must have felt as the door of the potting shed slammed and he heard Boko starting to yodel without – a nightmare sensation of being but a helpless pawn in the hands of Fate.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

333. “When it comes to the smooth stuff, old girl, you’re the oyster’s eye-tooth!”

— P. G. Wodehouse

334. “He stood looking at the detective like Schopenhauer’s butcher at the selected lamb.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

335. “Ah, well,’ I said resignedly, ‘if that’s that, that’s that, what?’ ‘So it would appear, sir.’ ‘Nothing to do but keep the chin up and the upper lip as stiff as can be managed. I think I’ll go to bed with an improving book. Have you read The Mystery of the Pink Crayfish by Rex West?”

— P. G. Wodehouse

336. “When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

337. “Presently, the cow’s audience-appeal began to wane. It was a fine cow, as cows go, but, like so many cows, it lacked sustained dramatic interest.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

338. “As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

339. “He groaned slightly and winced like Prometheus watching his vulture dropping in for lunch.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

340. “There was the man who seemed to be attempting to decieve his ball and lull it into a false sense of security by looking away from it and then making a lightning slash in the apparent hope of catching it off its guard.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

341. “It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

342. “It is the glorious uncertainty of golf that makes it the game it is.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

343. “I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

344. “Just as you say, sir. There is a letter on the tray, sir.” “By Jove, Jeeves, that was practically poetry. Rhymed, did you notice?”

— P. G. Wodehouse

345. “Employers are like horses – they require management.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

346. “I pity the shrimp that matches wits with you Jeeves.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

347. “Cold is the ogre that drives all beautiful things into hiding.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

348. “In your walks about London you will sometimes see bent, haggard figures that look as if they had recently been caught in some powerful machinery. They are those fellows who got mixed up with Catsmeat when he was meaning well.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

349. “Watching you at work, I was reminded of the young lady of Natchez, whose clothes were all tatters and patches. In alluding to which, she would say, “Well, Ah itch, and wherever ah itches, Ah scratches.”

— P. G. Wodehouse

350. “The voice of a donkey braying in the neighbouring meadow seemed like the mocking laughter of demons.”

— P. G. Wodehouse