Top 40 Paul Lynde Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Sandwiches are wonderful. You don’t need a spoon or a plate!”

— Paul Lynde

2. “I’m Liberace without a piano.”

— Paul Lynde

3. “I think basically an actor is a salesman.”

— Paul Lynde

4. “If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.”

— Paul Lynde

5. “Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it?”

— Paul Lynde

6. “I feel now it’s useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I’ve decided if I can make people laugh, I’m making a more important contribution.”

— Paul Lynde

7. “Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.”

— Paul Lynde

8. “The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I’d get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you.”

— Paul Lynde

9. “A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.”

— Paul Lynde

10. “Women are my best friends, my best audience. If I look out from the stage and see a lot of men, I know I’m in trouble.”

— Paul Lynde

11. “Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish?”

— Paul Lynde

12. “My body may have been abused, but it certainly hasn’t been neglected.”

— Paul Lynde

13. “A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world.”

— Paul Lynde

14. “I don’t understand why people don’t remember my name.”

— Paul Lynde

15. “I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I always pour wine from that.”

— Paul Lynde

16. “The doctor’s name was Sylvia. I told her she’d have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother’s name.”

— Paul Lynde

17. “I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.”

— Paul Lynde

18. “My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.”

— Paul Lynde

19. “It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage.”

— Paul Lynde

20. “I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I’ll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day.”

— Paul Lynde

21. “My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.”

— Paul Lynde

22. “Mothers don’t want to pinch me or put me in their purse.”

— Paul Lynde

23. “I may find something that looks interesting and then go on to alter the recipe by adding spices, things of my own. I also look for time-saving recipes, dishes that can be prepared ahead and stored.”

— Paul Lynde

24. “My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.”

— Paul Lynde

25. “The whole romantic part of my life was a wipeout. I didn’t even own a belt.”

— Paul Lynde

26. “I don’t know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he’s funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.”

— Paul Lynde

27. “I wish I had the nerve not to tip.”

— Paul Lynde

28. “I don’t always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I’ll just serve a simple quiche, salad and dessert for dinner. During the week I try to eat lightly.”

— Paul Lynde

29. “My following is straight. I’m so glad.”

— Paul Lynde

30. “As far as cookbooks go, I think Joy of Cooking is a classic. I’ve used it over and over again. Julia Child frustrates me. By the time you get all her herbs together, you’re exhausted.”

— Paul Lynde

31. “An actor shouldn’t undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you’re better off not knowing.”

— Paul Lynde

32. “I laughed all the way through Love Story.”

— Paul Lynde

33. “I was obsessed with being rich and famous.”

— Paul Lynde

34. “Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I’ll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I’ve never found an easy way.”

— Paul Lynde

35. “Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.”

— Paul Lynde

36. “I can’t even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.”

— Paul Lynde

37. “When I said I didn’t have a cent, I didn’t. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars.”

— Paul Lynde

38. “If I hadn’t become a celebrity, I’d probably be an alcoholic.”

— Paul Lynde

39. “If I’m not working, I don’t know what to do.”

— Paul Lynde

40. “I cant stand those food cult people who bring their own food into the house. All those little thermoses and paper bags-it makes the other guests uncomfortable.”

— Paul Lynde

41. “My table seats eight, so that’s my maximum. Having a small number of guests is the only way to generate good conversation. Besides, your whole house doesn’t get wrecked that way.”

— Paul Lynde

42. “I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.”

— Paul Lynde

43. “Someday I’m going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.”

— Paul Lynde