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Top 15 Paul Rudnick Quotes (2025 Update)

Paul Rudnick Quote: “Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials.”

1. “Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.”

2. “There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “I believe in a benevolent God not because He created the Grand Canyon or Michelangelo, but because He gave us snacks.”

3. “I believe in a benevolent God not because He created the Grand Canyon or Michelangelo, but because He gave us snacks.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “Most gay bashers will be wearing what gay people had on four years earlier – only in polyester with a Penney’s label.”

4. “Most gay bashers will be wearing what gay people had on four years earlier – only in polyester with a Penney’s label.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “Writing is 90% procrastination. It is a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the point where you have to write.”

5. “Writing is 90% procrastination. It is a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the point where you have to write.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as children.”

6. “Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as children.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “Dysmorphia is when someone looks in the mirror, and sees something else. While I studied my own whatever I was, I decided that maybe everyone has at least a touch of dysmorphia; maybe it’s impossible for anyone to ever truly know what they look like.”

7. “Dysmorphia is when someone looks in the mirror, and sees something else. While I studied my own whatever I was, I decided that maybe everyone has at least a touch of dysmorphia; maybe it’s impossible for anyone to ever truly know what they look like.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “I was once all by myself in a house on Fire Island. Where I compared the original cast recordings of two different versions of The Wild Party. A helicopter should have descended and taken me away to a gay penal colony. But of course, I was already there.”

8. “I was once all by myself in a house on Fire Island. Where I compared the original cast recordings of two different versions of The Wild Party. A helicopter should have descended and taken me away to a gay penal colony. But of course, I was already there.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I’m from New Jersey.”

9. “Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I’m from New Jersey.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people, as if even straight people are like that.”

10. “I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people, as if even straight people are like that.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “No one under the age of eighteen needs a cell phone unless they’re a surgeon, a drug dealer, or a prostitute.”

11. “No one under the age of eighteen needs a cell phone unless they’re a surgeon, a drug dealer, or a prostitute.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “If God didn’t want you to have it, He would never have let you see it.”

12. “If God didn’t want you to have it, He would never have let you see it.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “I’m here,” I continued, “to guide you into the light of truth, decency and perhaps pants.”

13. “I’m here,” I continued, “to guide you into the light of truth, decency and perhaps pants.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “I never got that show – Les Miz. It’s about the French guy, right, who steals a loaf of bread, and then he suffers for the rest of his life. For Toast. Get over it!”

14. “I never got that show – Les Miz. It’s about the French guy, right, who steals a loaf of bread, and then he suffers for the rest of his life. For Toast. Get over it!”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “There was a cable-TV program that documented how Peeps are made, and it showed unlimited hordes of Peeps bouncing merrily down a conveyor belt, right toward the camera. I came.”

15. “There was a cable-TV program that documented how Peeps are made, and it showed unlimited hordes of Peeps bouncing merrily down a conveyor belt, right toward the camera. I came.”

— Paul Rudnick

Paul Rudnick Quote: “Fine, I’ll admit it, I’ve read all of the books in the trilogy, which have sold more copies than there are people in the world because a lot of girls have hoarded multiple copies of each book and hidden the backup copies under their beds or in their lockers or in hollow trees, in case there’s a nuclear holocaust.”

16. “Fine, I’ll admit it, I’ve read all of the books in the trilogy, which have sold more copies than there are people in the world because a lot of girls have hoarded multiple copies of each book and hidden the backup copies under their beds or in their lockers or in hollow trees, in case there’s a nuclear holocaust.”

— Paul Rudnick

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