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Top 7 Pete Holmes Quotes (2025 Update)

Pete Holmes Quote: “I’m trying to manufacture a sleepover feel; like a tree house or a clubhouse. I want people to be silly and play and feel safe and some people, you have to coax them into that space and some people bring me further into that space, even past the point that I wanted to go.”

1. “I’m trying to manufacture a sleepover feel; like a tree house or a clubhouse. I want people to be silly and play and feel safe and some people, you have to coax them into that space and some people bring me further into that space, even past the point that I wanted to go.”

— Pete Holmes

Pete Holmes Quote: “Be persistent and just keep going to open mics no matter what, even if just to watch and not perform. You’ll find that even at your worst keep your head up because you’ll still be better than other people’s best.”

2. “Be persistent and just keep going to open mics no matter what, even if just to watch and not perform. You’ll find that even at your worst keep your head up because you’ll still be better than other people’s best.”

— Pete Holmes

Pete Holmes Quote: “If you have a friend with a blond mustache, he wants to touch you.”

3. “If you have a friend with a blond mustache, he wants to touch you.”

— Pete Holmes

Pete Holmes Quote: “I’m trying to, with my stand-up and with the podcast, give people these little stupid things to give them happiness. I know that sounds lofty or like I’m starting a cult, but I kind of feel that way.”

4. “I’m trying to, with my stand-up and with the podcast, give people these little stupid things to give them happiness. I know that sounds lofty or like I’m starting a cult, but I kind of feel that way.”

— Pete Holmes

Pete Holmes Quote: “Now, God isn’t something I believe in – it’s something I feel all of us soaking in.”

5. “Now, God isn’t something I believe in – it’s something I feel all of us soaking in.”

— Pete Holmes

Pete Holmes Quote: “My literal belief in the Bible wasn’t saving me, showing me the light, or setting me free. It was causing me pain.”

6. “My literal belief in the Bible wasn’t saving me, showing me the light, or setting me free. It was causing me pain.”

— Pete Holmes

Pete Holmes Quote: “The strangest thing about becoming an atheist was how little things changed. With no divine rules or threat of eternal punishment hanging over my head, I still somehow managed to not lie, cheat, steal, or kill anybody. Although to be honest, I was a little confused as to why we weren’t lying, cheating, or stealing. Not killing people still made sense, but why, for example, should we not steal some peanut butter crackers from the unmanned mini-mart in this Holiday Inn?”

7. “The strangest thing about becoming an atheist was how little things changed. With no divine rules or threat of eternal punishment hanging over my head, I still somehow managed to not lie, cheat, steal, or kill anybody. Although to be honest, I was a little confused as to why we weren’t lying, cheating, or stealing. Not killing people still made sense, but why, for example, should we not steal some peanut butter crackers from the unmanned mini-mart in this Holiday Inn?”

— Pete Holmes

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