Top 40 Quentin R. Bufogle Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “99% of all problems can be solved by money – and for the other 1% there’s alcohol.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

2. “If you’re gonna burn a bridge behind you, make sure you’ve crossed it first.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

3. “I want an avowed atheist in the White House. When time comes to push that button, I want whoever’s making the decision to understand that once it’s pushed, it’s over. Finito. They’re not gonna have lunch with Jesus. Won’t be deflowering 72 virgins on the great shag carpet of eternity, or reincarnated as a cow. I want someone making that decision who believes life on this Earth isn’t just a dress rehearsal for something better – but the only shot we get.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

4. “Always wanted a girl with a heart-shaped ass. Most of my exes have ass-shaped hearts.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

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5. “Stop praying. Get off your knees and do something. There’s only one particular need that can be effectively addressed while in the kneeling position. If yours pertains to anything else, then please, seek help elsewhere. ‘God helps those who help themselves’ is just the Church’s way of telling you that it’s all a sham. You’re really on your own.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

6. “A little stupid is like a little forest fire. If you happen upon some stupid, please stomp it out before it spreads.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

7. “Tolerance is NOT acceptance. And that’s the problem with ALL religion. It teaches acceptance only for those who believe exactly as you do, and at best, tolerance for the rest of us “sinners.” Sorry. Not acceptable.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

8. “I believe a Christian muffler shop owner should have the same right to refuse service to a gay couple, as a gay lifeguard has to refuse service to a drowning Christian.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

9. “A woman on an online dating site asked if I’d ever had an STD. I told her my high school prom date was named ‘Chlamydia.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

10. “The muse is fickle; ergo, when she knocks, ANSWER! It may take a while, but trust me, she WILL knock. In the meantime, keep your ear pressed firmly to the door.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

11. “Stupid is terminal. There is no cure. I know those who’ve beaten cancer, but not a single individual who’s ever been cured of stupid. Fortunately, nature has its own way of thinning the herd. The stupid ultimately don’t survive. The antelope that doesn’t recognize the lion as predator, winds up inside the lion.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

12. “I don’t mind being a team player. I’m just tired of being the soccer ball.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

13. “The Catholic Church standing in “solidarity” with members of the LGBT community while condemning their behavior as “sinful” is a little like attempting to stand with two feet in one shoe. “Love the sinner, hate the sin” sounds really high-minded until you realize the only sin committed was being born different.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

14. “I’m tired of being told it’s elitist to call stupid behavior stupid. Remember when you were just a tot and thought it might be a good idea to stick your wee-wee in the electrical socket? Hopefully, you hade a mom who kicked you in the behind and called you stupid. There are times when mincing words and pleasant euphemisms simply don’t cut it. Sometimes, you need to call stupid by its given name.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

15. “Money can buy a shitload of happiness – just nothing you can’t ever live without.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

16. “To all you who believe we shouldn’t have a minimum wage – that the minimum amount you can be paid should be determined solely by your employer. We tried it once before: it was called SLAVERY.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

17. “I’m not frightened by the advent of intelligent machines. It’s the sarcastic ones that worry me.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

18. “God might not be dead, but he’s sure as hell missing in action.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

19. “There are no sacred cows – just ask Ronald McDonald.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

20. “Remember: Guns don’t kill! – The dimwits who insist EVERYONE should have the right to own ’em do!”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

21. “Arguing that the only problem with a free market is lack of competition, is like arguing that that the only problem with prostitution is that there aren’t enough pimps.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

22. “As with most things, my approach to writing has been entirely ass-backwards. I first had to become everything but a writer – exhaust all possibilities. I had to come to it on my knees. Only when there was truly nothing left, was I able to become a writer.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

23. “Forget the National Debt Clock. We need an electronic billboard to track all the daily shootings in this country. I’m really sick of listening to all the mouth breathers who soil their camouflage pants every time someone suggests we might have a gun problem. Other countries have crazy, violent people. What they don’t have is 300,000,000 WMDs and a gun show loophole that allows any psycho with a valid credit card to own ’em.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

24. “The difference between an atheist and a person of faith? One additional religion in the crazy column. You believe that all religions except yours are crazy. I believe that all religions including yours are crazy.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

25. “God doesn’t send atheists to Hell – there’s no room with all the Christians down there.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

26. “What’s this business about the ‘little man in the canoe?’ If it’s big enough for a canoe, it’s too big for me.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

27. “Time heals all wounds; some broken hearts – and most cases of writer’s block.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

28. “Literature today is like elevator music for a narcoleptic.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

29. “When has a civilian ever stopped a mass shooting with an AR-15? An AR-15 is a perfect weapon for mass murderers – not so much for self-defense. Would you bring an AR-15 along on a date? To your place of work? To the movies? If not, how can owning an AR-15 save your life in the event of a mass shooting? Why does the NRA keep telling us we need semi-automatic rifles for self-defense? Whose side are they really on?”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

30. “I wish all those who’ve found God, would tell the rest of us where he’s been hiding.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

31. “Mass shootings are all part of a vast Left-wing conspiracy to undermine the 2nd Amendment and deprive your 6-year-old of his God-given right to bring a Bushmaster to class for “show and tell”... The one he got from his psychotic, meth-addicted uncle’s trailer while the latter was out getting the Confederate flag tattooed on his face. Remember, guns don’t kill: the dimwits who insist EVERYONE should have the right to own ’em do.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

32. “Before you’re allowed to own a .44, your IQ should be higher than .44.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

33. “I was eating a steak at a local restaurant last night, when a random woman said: “Y’know, you’d be much better off being a vegetarian.” “Are you crazy?” I said, “The cow was a vegetarian and look what happened to it!”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

34. “Be thankful for the little you’ve got, and a little is all you’re gonna get.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

35. “I must give myself permission not to like myself. It’s ok. Plenty of other people don’t like me either. And I have much higher standards.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

36. “Guns kill far more quickly and efficiently than knives, or crossbows, or toenail clippers; and, unlike bombs, you don’t need to build one in your basement – they come ready-made! There’s a reason why guns are the overwhelming weapon of choice among mass murderers.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

37. “Forget ‘pray the gay away.’ I you’re more turned on by an AR-15 than a pair of tits, time for some serious therapy. Time for all you gun-humpers to come out of the closet. Is this really about the 2nd Amendment and self-defense – or just a pathetic fetish for guys with tiny pee-pees?”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

38. “If you’re a pro-lifer, please remember: if life begins at conception, it sure as hell doesn’t end at birth.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

39. “If you need anti-tank guns, bazookas or semi-automatic weapons to defend yourself, it’s time to think about moving to a better neighborhood.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle

40. “A little writer’s block can be a good thing. Your inner-literary critic’s way of gently letting you know you’re really stinking up the joint. You’re off track. Lost in the weeds. Need to go back and rethink things. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of temporarily writing yourself out. Yesterday’s slow ‘n’ steady 3 hour, 600 word quota turned into a 5 hour, 2,000 word marathon. The tank’s suddenly dry. Take a breather. Let your subconscious work its magic. The words will come.”

— Quentin R. Bufogle