“My only regret is that I can’t track down a boyfriend or two and use my evil vampire powers to hypnotize him into stripping naked and dancing the Highland Fling every time he hears the word ‘hello.’ ” “But he would hear it several times every day,” I told her. “What’s your point?”

“My only regret is that I can’t track down a boyfriend or two and use my evil vampire powers to hypnotize him into stripping naked and dancing the Highland Fling every time he hears the word ‘hello.’ ” “But he would hear it several times every day,” I told her. “What’s your point?”

— Molly Harper