1. “I will have you know there is probably less pineapple at your average luau than in my system at this moment.”
— Qwen Salsbury
2. “It’s all very Super Secret Squirrel.”
3. “How am I supposed to look unaffected and asexual with all this unfair fuckery happening?”
4. “Incoming Text: Bert will be so disappointed. He had down that Canon would eat you alive by last night. Note to self: Never bet against Bert.”
5. “I do wish there were assless chaps. Not that I would wear them. But there is nothing funnier than the words assless chaps.”
6. “Let us observe the mating rituals of the lecherous North American lounge lizard in his native habitat: The Open Bar.”
7. “He’s the guy you wish Jennifer Aniston would be with just to get back at Brad.”
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