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Top 70 Red Buttons Quotes (2025 Update)
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Red Buttons Quote: “Captain Hook’s mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don’t scratch it! Never got a dinner!”

51. “Captain Hook’s mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don’t scratch it! Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!”

52. “Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time.”

53. “Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time.”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it’s not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!”

54. “Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it’s not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Pope John Paul II’s press secretary, who said, See, if only the Pope were Italian, he woulda shot back! Never got a dinner!”

55. “Pope John Paul II’s press secretary, who said, See, if only the Pope were Italian, he woulda shot back! Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner!”

56. “Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!”

57. “George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.”

58. “George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Elizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don’t want to go all the way.”

59. “Elizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don’t want to go all the way.”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!”

60. “Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “I am always joking and always clowning, giving and helping.”

61. “I am always joking and always clowning, giving and helping.”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Stan Musial, who said, Why didn’t they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a dinner!”

62. “Stan Musial, who said, Why didn’t they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!”

63. “Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Zsa Zsa Gabor, the only woman ever to apply for group alimony. Never got a dinner!”

64. “Zsa Zsa Gabor, the only woman ever to apply for group alimony. Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Ninety isn’t old. You’re old when your doctor doesn’t X-ray you any more – he just holds you up to the light!”

65. “Ninety isn’t old. You’re old when your doctor doesn’t X-ray you any more – he just holds you up to the light!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show? Never got a dinner!”

66. “Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show? Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Vincent Van Gogh, who said to the hat salesman, I like it, but it keeps sliding over my ear. Never got a dinner!”

67. “Vincent Van Gogh, who said to the hat salesman, I like it, but it keeps sliding over my ear. Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Queen Elizabeth, who said, Not now, I’m on the throne. Never got a dinner!”

68. “Queen Elizabeth, who said, Not now, I’m on the throne. Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “If I lose show business – I’ll really be an orphan!”

69. “If I lose show business – I’ll really be an orphan!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner!”

70. “Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

Red Buttons Quote: “Nostradamus, who predicted that Billy Bailey would not come home. Never got a dinner!”

71. “Nostradamus, who predicted that Billy Bailey would not come home. Never got a dinner!”

— Red Buttons

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