Top 40 Richard Armour Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Libraries: Here is where people, one frequently finds, lower their voices, and raise their minds.”

— Richard Armour

2. “Adolescence isn’t a period; it’s a coma.”

— Richard Armour

3. “Each year it grows harder to make ends meet – the ends I refer to are hands and feet.”

— Richard Armour

4. “If you convinced me And I convinced you, Would there not still be Two points of view?”

— Richard Armour

5. “Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.”

— Richard Armour

6. “That money talks, I’ll not deny, I heard it once: it said, ’goodbye.”

— Richard Armour

7. “My day-old son is plenty scrawny, his mouth is wide with screams, or yawny; His ears seem larger than he’s needing, His nose is flat, his chin’s receding. His skin is very, very red, He has no hair upon his head, And yet I’m proud as proud can be, To hear you say he looks like me.”

— Richard Armour

8. “There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don’t come true, neither do your nightmares.”

— Richard Armour

9. “There is no balm of Gilead, No salve, no soothing ointment To stay the pain of one who’s had In love a disappointment – Unless it be that healing lotion Of fixing on a new devotion.”

— Richard Armour

10. “Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing, It’s always pleasant when you spot it. There’s only one unhappy thing: You have to lose to prove that you’ve got it.”

— Richard Armour

11. “In larger things we are convivial; what causes trouble is the trivial.”

— Richard Armour

12. “When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.”

— Richard Armour

13. “Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.”

— Richard Armour

14. “Oregon was discovered when someone followed the Oregon Trail right out to the end.”

— Richard Armour

15. “Of late I appear To have reached that stage When people who look old Who are only my age.”

— Richard Armour

16. “A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.”

— Richard Armour

17. “Until Eve arrived, this was a man’s world.”

— Richard Armour

18. “If we cannot define stupidity, at least we can trace most human misfortunes and weaknesses to it. Its manifestations are legion, its symptoms are endless.”

— Richard Armour

19. “I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do I don’t mean one who’s polished, I just mean one who’s through.”

— Richard Armour

20. “I miss my mattress when I am gone; It’s one thing I’ve made an impression on.”

— Richard Armour

21. “Although practice swings Can be helpful things, Twere better, indeed, not take any Than to fiddle and fret And before playing get Exhausted from taking too many.”

— Richard Armour

22. “This golfer has a wicked slice. And quite a follow-through. That’s why his partner, who stood too close, Is on the green in two.”

— Richard Armour

23. “Rather than earn money, it was Thoreau’s idea to reduce his wants so that he would not need to buy anything. As he went around preaching this ingenious idea, the shopkeepers of Concord hoped he would drop dead.”

— Richard Armour

24. “It is all right to hold a conversation but you should let go of it now and then.”

— Richard Armour

25. “The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.”

— Richard Armour

26. “Middle age is the time of life that a man first notices in his wife.”

— Richard Armour

27. “Scott calls Bois-Guilbert ‘an unprincipled voluptuary,’ which is hard to improve on.”

— Richard Armour

28. “If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I’ve never known, I won’t be believed and I’ll have no fun, For I’m sure to be playing alone.”

— Richard Armour

Featured in: Fun Quotes

29. “There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they’ve become elderly.”

— Richard Armour

Featured in: Firsts Quotes

30. “How I love to get a letter! I can think of nothing better Than perusing an epistolary item. But deep is my despondence, For I’ve found that correspondence Means that if you want to get ’em, You must write ’em!”

— Richard Armour

31. “The author apologizes for being unable to afford a ghost writer, which explains the lack of a distinctive prose style.”

— Richard Armour

32. “They head the list of bad to bet on: But I insist they’re worse to get on.”

— Richard Armour

33. “Dedicated to that amazing device, the Required Reading List, better even than artificial respiration for keeping dead authors alive.”

— Richard Armour

34. “G is for Green, that’s constructed to roll in every direction away from the hole.”

— Richard Armour

35. “Some people can carry a tune, but they seem to stagger under the load.”

— Richard Armour

36. “Some golfers blast their ball from traps, With one adroit explosion, But others, out in ten perhaps, Depend upon erosion.”

— Richard Armour

37. “Rockefeller made his money in oil, which he discovered at the bottom of wells. Oil was considered crude in those days, but so was Rockefeller. Now both are considered quite refined.”

— Richard Armour

38. “Almost nothing is known about Homer, which explains why so much has been written about him.”

— Richard Armour

39. “If only I kept my eye on the ball, Looking downward as does the pro there, I might not see where it was going, at all, But there might be a chance it would go there.”

— Richard Armour

40. “I’ve suffered from all of the hang-ups known, and none is as bad as the telephone.”

— Richard Armour