Top 50 Sam Levenson Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Don’t watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.”

— Sam Levenson

Featured in: Success Quotes, Time Quotes

2. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.”

— Sam Levenson

3. “We may not always see eye to eye, but we can try to see heart to heart.”

— Sam Levenson

4. “Never lend money to a friend. It’s dangerous. It could damage his memory.”

— Sam Levenson

5. “It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.’”

— Sam Levenson

6. “If you want to kill time, try working it to death.”

— Sam Levenson

7. “It’s not the sugar that makes the tea sweet, but the stirring.”

— Sam Levenson

8. “Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.”

— Sam Levenson

9. “Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it’s at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.”

— Sam Levenson

10. “You can’t start at the top.”

— Sam Levenson

11. “Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.”

— Sam Levenson

12. “The longest word in the world is “a word from our sponsor.””

— Sam Levenson

13. “Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village.”

— Sam Levenson

14. “The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”

— Sam Levenson

15. “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.”

— Sam Levenson

16. “Times don’t change. Men do.”

— Sam Levenson

17. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”

— Sam Levenson

18. “One of the virtues of being very young is that you don’t let the facts get in the way of your imagination.”

— Sam Levenson

19. “Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don’t know why, he does.”

— Sam Levenson

20. “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands: one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”

— Sam Levenson

21. “It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.”

— Sam Levenson

22. “I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!”

— Sam Levenson

23. “A woman’s place is in the home. Why should she go out and take away a workingman’s pay instead of staying home and stealing out of his jacket like a good wife.”

— Sam Levenson

24. “The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.”

— Sam Levenson

25. “If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.”

— Sam Levenson

26. “Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.”

— Sam Levenson

27. “If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.”

— Sam Levenson

28. “If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.”

— Sam Levenson

29. “The reason God made man before woman was that he didn’t want any suggestions.”

— Sam Levenson

30. “Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn’t poor.”

— Sam Levenson

31. “You don’t have to be in “Who’s Who” to know what’s what.”

— Sam Levenson

32. “I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?”

— Sam Levenson

33. “Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.”

— Sam Levenson

34. “Love at first sight is easy to understand. It’s when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle.”

— Sam Levenson

35. “Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.”

— Sam Levenson

36. “The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV.”

— Sam Levenson

37. “Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.”

— Sam Levenson

38. “There was an old Woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children Her government subsidy check came to $4,892.”

— Sam Levenson

39. “Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.”

— Sam Levenson

40. “If you owe fifty dollars you’re a piker; if you owe fifty thousand dollars you’re a businessman; if you owe fifty million dollars you’re a tycoon; if you owe fifty billion dollars you’re the government.”

— Sam Levenson

41. “The beauty of America is that the average person always thinks she is above average.”

— Sam Levenson

42. “When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.”

— Sam Levenson

43. “We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that’s the only way most of us got through.”

— Sam Levenson

44. “It would be useless to bomb Washington. If you destroy one building, they already have two other buildings completely staffed with people doing exactly the same thing.”

— Sam Levenson

45. “I’m gonna put all my money into taxes. They’re sure to go up.”

— Sam Levenson

46. “It’s a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn’t consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.”

— Sam Levenson

47. “The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so you don’t have to stay in that home of your own.”

— Sam Levenson

48. “One antidote for sexual truancy lies in simply teaching youth the wonder, the miracle, the reverence for the creation of life itself. Life is a divine creation. You don’t take chances with creation.”

— Sam Levenson

49. “Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.”

— Sam Levenson

50. “The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.”

— Sam Levenson