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Top 20 Scott Raab Quotes (2025 Update)

Scott Raab Quote: “The number-one show in America on Sundays will be Celebrity Apprentice. Monday nights, The Voice will be number one. Wednesday nights, Survivor will be number one. And Friday nights, Shark Tank will be number one. It just takes some time management for me to focus.”

1. “The number-one show in America on Sundays will be Celebrity Apprentice. Monday nights, The Voice will be number one. Wednesday nights, Survivor will be number one. And Friday nights, Shark Tank will be number one. It just takes some time management for me to focus.”

Scott Raab Quote: “One of the wonderful things about Portlandia – and I’m not just blowing smoke, although I can blow smoke, but I’m not – is that there is an expansive feeling to each segment. It’s not reductive. It doesn’t seem like sketch comedy.”

2. “One of the wonderful things about Portlandia – and I’m not just blowing smoke, although I can blow smoke, but I’m not – is that there is an expansive feeling to each segment. It’s not reductive. It doesn’t seem like sketch comedy.”

Scott Raab Quote: “When you’ve got kids, it’s a big undertaking. It’s like doing four movies in a row.”

3. “When you’ve got kids, it’s a big undertaking. It’s like doing four movies in a row.”

Scott Raab Quote: “My mother never criticized any idea I had. She thought anybody could have anything. Even if I was in a poor family that worked at Ford Motor Company and lived in Dagenham. I could have told my mother that I wanted to work in pantomime. And she’d have said, “Great. I can help you.””

4. “My mother never criticized any idea I had. She thought anybody could have anything. Even if I was in a poor family that worked at Ford Motor Company and lived in Dagenham. I could have told my mother that I wanted to work in pantomime. And she’d have said, “Great. I can help you.””

Scott Raab Quote: “One of the best compliments I ever got was “You know what I like about you? You’re smart enough to be scared. So many guys come on cocky, they don’t want to go over their stuff, they don’t want to do a pre-interview. You’re always smart enough to be worried till the last minute.””

5. “One of the best compliments I ever got was “You know what I like about you? You’re smart enough to be scared. So many guys come on cocky, they don’t want to go over their stuff, they don’t want to do a pre-interview. You’re always smart enough to be worried till the last minute.””

Scott Raab Quote: “When we went to war at the Falklands, Buck Kernan had to shake each man’s hand as we boarded a boat for war.”

6. “When we went to war at the Falklands, Buck Kernan had to shake each man’s hand as we boarded a boat for war.”

Scott Raab Quote: “If you are the leader, you don’t have the right to say things like “Ugh, didn’t eat this week I was so busy.” “Haven’t slept.” I look sideways at those signs of bravado, which are intended to make one feel that the person is working so hard. I don’t think that way.”

7. “If you are the leader, you don’t have the right to say things like “Ugh, didn’t eat this week I was so busy.” “Haven’t slept.” I look sideways at those signs of bravado, which are intended to make one feel that the person is working so hard. I don’t think that way.”

Scott Raab Quote: “The first time I learned I could sell myself was when I convinced a wealthy American family to give me a job as a nanny. Childcare. Totally unqualified. But I learned to be ready for anything. And that I can adapt. That I can become the best diaper changer.”

8. “The first time I learned I could sell myself was when I convinced a wealthy American family to give me a job as a nanny. Childcare. Totally unqualified. But I learned to be ready for anything. And that I can adapt. That I can become the best diaper changer.”

Scott Raab Quote: “I think there’s a core of real anger or misery inside every true stand-up comic.”

9. “I think there’s a core of real anger or misery inside every true stand-up comic.”

Scott Raab Quote: “The Clash, in particular, transcends any category.”

10. “The Clash, in particular, transcends any category.”

Scott Raab Quote: “In the British military system, there is a very strict chain of command. Americans just want to win, and the correct strategy may be to speak directly to the men.”

11. “In the British military system, there is a very strict chain of command. Americans just want to win, and the correct strategy may be to speak directly to the men.”

Scott Raab Quote: “The comics I’ve talked to have varied styles as stand-ups, but the throughline is that it’s the most intense thing they’ve ever done.”

12. “The comics I’ve talked to have varied styles as stand-ups, but the throughline is that it’s the most intense thing they’ve ever done.”

Scott Raab Quote: “I’m consciously working very hard at not eating.”

13. “I’m consciously working very hard at not eating.”

Scott Raab Quote: “Why would you go anyplace without your iPad? This is the greatest invention. When it gets a little more power, my God. It’s like my office.”

14. “Why would you go anyplace without your iPad? This is the greatest invention. When it gets a little more power, my God. It’s like my office.”

Scott Raab Quote: “When you do something bad and you know you can do it, only you know you can do it. And do it while it’s hot, man.”

15. “When you do something bad and you know you can do it, only you know you can do it. And do it while it’s hot, man.”

Scott Raab Quote: “As a viewer I came of age during a time when cast members were prone to fistfights. So I may be carrying a little of that kind of image in my head.”

16. “As a viewer I came of age during a time when cast members were prone to fistfights. So I may be carrying a little of that kind of image in my head.”

Scott Raab Quote: “A movie is a miracle, even if it turns out to be a disappointment.”

17. “A movie is a miracle, even if it turns out to be a disappointment.”

Scott Raab Quote: “My dad is a little Scottish guy with tattoos all over his arms.”

18. “My dad is a little Scottish guy with tattoos all over his arms.”

Scott Raab Quote: “Somebody’ll be me, tomorrow or whenever. I’ve been doing this awhile. My time’s limited. I’ve been doing this awhile.”

19. “Somebody’ll be me, tomorrow or whenever. I’ve been doing this awhile. My time’s limited. I’ve been doing this awhile.”

Scott Raab Quote: “For each show, we do maybe 15 versions before it goes on air. So I know every show microscopically.”

20. “For each show, we do maybe 15 versions before it goes on air. So I know every show microscopically.”

Scott Raab Quote: “Even if a movie’s not a hit, it still has to have something to do with the big thing, which is the stand-up. It pays the most, first of all. It’s the thing that I can do at a high, high level. Amongst the best.”

21. “Even if a movie’s not a hit, it still has to have something to do with the big thing, which is the stand-up. It pays the most, first of all. It’s the thing that I can do at a high, high level. Amongst the best.”

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