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Top 10 Shalom Auslander Quotes (2025 Update)

Shalom Auslander Quote: “My point is that death is more tragic than life, than any life, because every life has hope of some kind.”

1. “My point is that death is more tragic than life, than any life, because every life has hope of some kind.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “I believe in a personal God; everything I do, He takes personally.”

2. “I believe in a personal God; everything I do, He takes personally.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “Roads are no place for naive chickens dreaming of nirvana.”

3. “Roads are no place for naive chickens dreaming of nirvana.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “We are rational creatures, Professor Jove explained; hope is irrational. We thus set ourselves up for one dispiriting fall after the next. Anger and depression are not diseases or dysfunctions or anomalies; they are perfectly rational responses to the myriad avoidable disappointments that begin in a thoroughly irrational hope.”

4. “We are rational creatures, Professor Jove explained; hope is irrational. We thus set ourselves up for one dispiriting fall after the next. Anger and depression are not diseases or dysfunctions or anomalies; they are perfectly rational responses to the myriad avoidable disappointments that begin in a thoroughly irrational hope.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “Expecting hell, we’re ill prepared for heaven.”

5. “Expecting hell, we’re ill prepared for heaven.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “Written with passion, honesty, humor, and a stubborn, rebellious optimism, Dear Marcus is like nothing I’ve ever read. When a bullet in the back told Jerry McGill not to go on, Jerry went on-smiling.”

6. “Written with passion, honesty, humor, and a stubborn, rebellious optimism, Dear Marcus is like nothing I’ve ever read. When a bullet in the back told Jerry McGill not to go on, Jerry went on-smiling.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “You can hope all you want for a happy ending, but sometimes, like it or not, the guy writing your story is working on a tragedy; you may not even be the main character.”

7. “You can hope all you want for a happy ending, but sometimes, like it or not, the guy writing your story is working on a tragedy; you may not even be the main character.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “Write something dangerous. Say something you shouldn’t. Blow something up. But well.”

8. “Write something dangerous. Say something you shouldn’t. Blow something up. But well.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “Anger and depression are not diseases or dysfunctions or anomalies; they are perfectly rational responses to the myriad avoidable disappointments that begin in a thoroughly irrational hope.”

9. “Anger and depression are not diseases or dysfunctions or anomalies; they are perfectly rational responses to the myriad avoidable disappointments that begin in a thoroughly irrational hope.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “Kugel was a firm believer that death was not always a bad thing – that life often reached such levels of crapitude that dying was preferable to living.”

10. “Kugel was a firm believer that death was not always a bad thing – that life often reached such levels of crapitude that dying was preferable to living.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “His intelligence only exacerbated the guilt Kugel felt for bringing him into the world. It was one thing to have condemned a child to life, that was criminal enough, but life was a sentence more easily served by fools.”

11. “His intelligence only exacerbated the guilt Kugel felt for bringing him into the world. It was one thing to have condemned a child to life, that was criminal enough, but life was a sentence more easily served by fools.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “Which is what it all comes down to, I suppose – how you’re selling. Welcome to the twenty-first century, where the only opinion of you that matters is the one that isn’t your own. Rate My Tits. Rate My Ass. Rate My Children. Rate My Essential Being. 1 Star: Awful. This Being left me feeling like I wanted more.”

12. “Which is what it all comes down to, I suppose – how you’re selling. Welcome to the twenty-first century, where the only opinion of you that matters is the one that isn’t your own. Rate My Tits. Rate My Ass. Rate My Children. Rate My Essential Being. 1 Star: Awful. This Being left me feeling like I wanted more.”

— Shalom Auslander

Shalom Auslander Quote: “This is the term we’ve been using lately: theological abuse. It involves adults, known or unknown to the underage victim, telling them a Lunatic runs the world, that He’s spying on them, that He’s waiting for them to break a rule.”

13. “This is the term we’ve been using lately: theological abuse. It involves adults, known or unknown to the underage victim, telling them a Lunatic runs the world, that He’s spying on them, that He’s waiting for them to break a rule.”

— Shalom Auslander

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