Top 60 Shelly Laurenston Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “I know she’s weird. Her friends know she’s weird. And we all accept it because she’s weird, but also amazing.”

— Shelly Laurenston

2. “Wow. Look at the lines in your face, Missy. It’s like your bitterness just dug in and stayed.”

— Shelly Laurenston

3. “I’m always happy- it annoys people.”

— Shelly Laurenston

4. “Don’t yell at me.” “This is not yelling. This is panicked loud talking!”

— Shelly Laurenston

5. “Oh, my God,” she gasped. “What?” “It is bigger.” Lock peered down at his cock. “Well,” he offered as explanation, “it’s in a good mood.”

— Shelly Laurenston

6. “You got pulled over on the Autobahn?”

— Shelly Laurenston

7. “In fact, his adult brain acted like his adolescent brain used to. It stopped functioning. All it wanted to do was wrap itself around the owner of that scent and purr. The cat in him wanted to stretch out his body and rub his face into that scent. He’d been right. She was here.”

— Shelly Laurenston

8. “What are you lookin’ at me for? I’m a ray of fuckin’ sunshine.”

— Shelly Laurenston

9. “I know the drill.” Max nodded and flatly replied, “Go in. Kill everybody. Get Stevie out.” Charlie briefly closed her eyes, took a moment to breathe and try to relax her shoulders. When she felt she wouldn’t yell, she said, “That is not the drill.”

— Shelly Laurenston

10. “Conall checked his watch. Again. Soon his personal wet fantasy would be here. He wondered if it would be inappropriate to tackle her in the hallway as soon as she arrived and drag her up to his bedroom. Probably. Damn human etiquette.”

— Shelly Laurenston

11. “She’s spending the night here and she’s more than welcome. She just went to bed about an hour ago after watching every move our doctor made.” Without thinking, he carefully tucked the sheet around her body. “I’ll make sure you’re safe, doc. I promise.” “I’m sorry,” she said after several moments. “For what?” Irene shrugged, then grimaced, probably regretting the move, considering the pain it most likely caused. “For always thinking.”

— Shelly Laurenston

12. “Stevie! Stevie!” When her sister didn’t respond, Charlie released her and threw up her hands. “I’ve killed her. Of course I’ve killed her. I knew one day I’d kill you all.” Max finally got to her feet. “Good Lord! Get off the cross, we need the wood.” “What does that mean?”

— Shelly Laurenston

13. “Gwen stopped putting her money in the bag. “You’re giving your father a picture of a door for his birthday?” And she’d thought Mitch marking up pages in her copy of Vogue and telling her, “This is what I’d get you for your birthday if I had money” had been cheap.”

— Shelly Laurenston

14. “Yes. I appreciate the helpful and long spreadsheet with all the many places you can’t go.”

— Shelly Laurenston

15. “You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.”

— Shelly Laurenston

16. “How do you get rational, well-respected people involved in your insanity? I mean is it something you taught yourself to do or is it part of your sociopathic nature?”

— Shelly Laurenston

17. “It’s so hard to tell with him. He always looks like he’s working the customer service desk at the DMV.” “I always thought he looked like a postal worker who’s about one write-up away from losing it completely.”

— Shelly Laurenston

18. “What took you so long?” Janie Mae asked as Darla closed the door. “I was torturing your mate.” She grinned at her sister “It was surprisingly fun!” “It is, isn’t it?”

— Shelly Laurenston

19. “Good Lord, Rory Lee!” Ronnie snarled. “You don’t throw babies! Especially mine!” “Look what he did to me!” Rory pointed at his unmarred neck. “What am I looking at?” Sissy Mae asked. “’Cause I don’t see nothin’.” “Just wait until the little bastard grows into his fangs,” Rory promised. “Then you’ll see!”

— Shelly Laurenston

20. “I’m a fuckin’ honey badger and by this claw” – she held her hand up – “ I fuckin’ rule.”

— Shelly Laurenston

21. “As my daddy would say, time to start the killin.”

— Shelly Laurenston

22. “Because isn’t that what the holidays are all about – letting your family make you wish you were an orphan?”

— Shelly Laurenston

23. “Why would there be a morgue in a sports center?” Charlie asked. “Because Soylent Green is people?”

— Shelly Laurenston

24. “If he didn’t have Ronnie already in his arms he’d have assumed she’d just opened the door... and aged a few years. Wow, he thought in surprise, she’s going to be hot when we hit fifty.”

— Shelly Laurenston

25. “Stevie could go from zero to hysterical in six seconds. She was the Ferrari of panic.”

— Shelly Laurenston

26. “Yeah, that sure was Mace Llewellyn staring at her from the other side of her desk. Just staring. Like he used to. Like he knew where she’d buried the bodies of all her goldfish after their unfortunate “accidents” or what she did with her sisters’ toothbrushes on more than one occasion.”

— Shelly Laurenston

27. “Marry me? Wait. No, no. Incorrect response. It’ll just weird her out and make her run again. Normal. Be normal. You can do this. You’re not just a great skater. You’re a normal great skater.”

— Shelly Laurenston

28. “You? Make me breakfast?” “Of course. Just wait until you taste my waffles, doc. You’ll see God.” “Considering my personal belief system, I somehow doubt that.”

— Shelly Laurenston

29. “Your sense of humor is not for everyone, but I have to say it’s growing on me. Like an out-of-control fungus.”

— Shelly Laurenston

30. “Unfortunately,” she admitted. “MacKilligans aren’t allowed in Siberia. There was an incident.” “With the bears?” “Oh, no.” She placed her head on his shoulder, snuggling close, before admitting, “Not with the bears. With everybody.”

— Shelly Laurenston

31. “He was thinking of Max MacKilligan as his girlfriend? The crazy female who’d decimated an entire team of well-trained mercenaries with her badger teammates? Or who didn’t seem too concerned that he’d almost eaten a child? That woman he was thinking of as his girlfriend?”

— Shelly Laurenston

32. “Bear put his hand over his heart. “I just feel that something horrible has happened to a book somewhere that has my ancestors crying out in horror and pure pain.” Ski.”

— Shelly Laurenston

33. “Damn tricky cats!”

— Shelly Laurenston

34. “Your family is coming here?” a voice from the doorway eagerly asked. Livy snarled. “Kyle – ” “Honey badgers? Honey badgers are coming to stay with us?”

— Shelly Laurenston

35. “You’re going to hell,” Ronnie said for the millionth time. “Don’t worry. I’ve picked up a lovely property overlooking the lake of fire. We’re set.”

— Shelly Laurenston

36. “He leaned down to her ear and purred. Damn but she loved when he purred.”

— Shelly Laurenston

37. “I live for hatred,” the boy replied. “It rejuvenates my creative fire.”

— Shelly Laurenston

38. “Surprisingly, Gwendolyn, I have more important things to do with my time, like put bamboo shoots under my nails or drill holes in all my teeth.”

— Shelly Laurenston

39. “Are you really coming at me?” “Lady, I’m trying to be nice to you. But I wouldn’t push your luck with me.” “You? Tiny little hybrid freak? What are you going to do?” “Morally reprehensible things that most good people would be appalled by.”

— Shelly Laurenston

40. “Fine! Do whatever you want. And when you get fleas, don’t come complaining to me.”

— Shelly Laurenston

41. “I think that lion females are really lesbians and the males are used strictly for their sperm.”

— Shelly Laurenston

42. “You gave me a Ruger?” she asked. “No one has ever given me a... ” She took a small step back. “Oh, my God.” Charlie couldn’t help but smile. “It’s you,” she cheered. “My giant, helpful blur!” “The name is Berg. Berg Dunn.”

— Shelly Laurenston

43. “That’s nothing. To impress a polar bear I met in Switzerland, I once got on two tiny sticks and flew down a snow-covered mountain.”

— Shelly Laurenston

44. “And I’ve fallen in love with you. But if you tell the Crows, especially Erin, that I said it first, I will tear your toenails out while you’re sleeping.”

— Shelly Laurenston

45. “Stevie can learn anything from a book. And when it comes to psychiatry, she’s read them all. So she wields guilt like a master swordsman. And Max isn’t nearly as much of a psychopath as the social worker said because otherwise, she wouldn’t feel any guilt at all. At least that’s what I tell myself. All the time.”

— Shelly Laurenston

46. “Because according to my father, many teachers, and quite a few anger-management counselors, I seem to lack that little internal device that stops things that are best left unsaid from being said.”

— Shelly Laurenston

47. “He actually wasn’t too bad. For a big cat doing the mambo.”

— Shelly Laurenston

48. “You’re not going to kill me, skin me, and wear my head as a hat?”

— Shelly Laurenston

49. “I love how your Christianity only comes into play when you don’t have a rational argument for something you don’t like.”

— Shelly Laurenston

50. “Now can I go in and kill everybody?” Max asked. “No.” “You and your half-canine morals. It does nothing but get in the way.” “I know you’re working hard to be a sociopath, but stop it.” “Sociopath is in the eye of the – ” “ – forensic psychologist working for the prosecution?”

— Shelly Laurenston