Top 150 Sloane Crosley Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Our brains are like bonsai trees, growing around our private versions of reality.”

— Sloane Crosley

2. “Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.”

— Sloane Crosley

3. “I have a disproportionate amount of faith in the goodness of the world and that everything will actually work out okay.”

— Sloane Crosley

4. “Sometimes we don’t know what we want until we don’t get it.”

— Sloane Crosley

5. “I can’t see the forest through the trees, except the trees are people.”

— Sloane Crosley

6. “Every time I open the drawer, it’s a trip down Memory Lane, which, if you don’t turn off at the right exit, merges straight into the Masochistic Nostalgia Highway.”

— Sloane Crosley

7. “Uniqueness is wasted on youth. Like fine wine or a solid flossing habit, you’ll be grateful for it when you’re older.”

— Sloane Crosley

8. “A lot of people are lonely. A lot of people are lonely even when they’re surrounded by other people.”

— Sloane Crosley

9. “It’s remarkable the logic we’ll build around a misapprehension.”

— Sloane Crosley

10. “You feel like telling him you’re not single in the way that he thinks you’re single. After all, you have yourself.”

— Sloane Crosley

11. “The year most of my high school friends and I got our driver’s permits, the coolest thing one could do was stand outside after school and twirl one’s car keys like a lifeguard whistle. That jingling sound meant freedom and power.”

— Sloane Crosley

12. “You know what they say: ‘Why sit at a table that doesn’t have key lime pie on it if you don’t have to?’”

— Sloane Crosley

13. “I’m a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory.”

— Sloane Crosley

14. “I love to bake, so I made vanilla bean and blueberry muffins for sick hospital children. Just kidding! All of that is true except the sick children part.”

— Sloane Crosley

15. “Most people don’t get lucky. They get human. They get crushes. This means you irrationally mortgage what little logic you own to pay for this one thing. This relationship is an impulse buy, and you’ll figure out if it’s worth it later.”

— Sloane Crosley

16. “Teddy bears are best because they understand it’s nice to be alone.”

— Sloane Crosley

17. “I thought I’d had another few decades before my noise complaint years.”

— Sloane Crosley

18. “If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can’t afford to be with them.”

— Sloane Crosley

Featured in: Being Single Quotes

19. “Ah, the power of two. There’s nothing quite like it. Especially when it comes to paying utility bills, parenting, cooking elaborate meals, purchasing a grown-up bed, jumping rope and lifting heavy machinery. The world favours pairs. Who wants to waste the wood building an ark for singletons?”

— Sloane Crosley

20. “My mother is a special education teacher but also an artist, and my father an advertising executive. They are about as wacky as you can get without being alcoholics.”

— Sloane Crosley

21. “Our culture’s obsession with vintage objects has rendered us unable to separate history from nostalgia. People want heart. They want a chaser of emotion with their aesthetics.”

— Sloane Crosley

22. “Because this is the beauty of strangers: we’re all just doing our best to help each other out, motivated not by karma but by a natural instinct to help the greater whole.”

— Sloane Crosley

23. “There’s already a marriage clock, a career clock, a biological clock. Sometimes being a woman feels like standing in the lobby of a hotel, looking at the dials depicting every time zone in the world behind the front desk – except they all apply to you, and all at once.”

— Sloane Crosley

24. “Personal technology has given us the freedom of being able to do whatever we want – and in the case of celebrities and athletes, whomever they want. But it can also serve as a humiliation jetpack.”

— Sloane Crosley

25. “You feel like telling him you’re not single in the way that he thinks you’re single. After all, you have yourself. I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you’re not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.”

— Sloane Crosley

26. “I have never pictured my own wedding. I do want to get married. It’s a nice idea. Though I think husbands are like tattoos-you should wait until you come across something you want on your body for the rest of your life...”

— Sloane Crosley

27. “We all deserve to be congratulated, but sadly that would mean there’s no one left to do the congratulating.”

— Sloane Crosley

28. “I was diagnosed with a severe temporal spatial deficit, a learning disability that means I have zero spatial relations skills. It was official: I was a genius trapped in an idiot’s body.”

— Sloane Crosley

29. “Alaska is what happens when Willy Wonka and the witch from Hansel and Gretel elope, buy a place together upstate, renounce their sweet teeth, and turn into health fanatics.”

— Sloane Crosley

30. “Because I am a horrible flincher, contact lenses are not an option. I’m always envious of contact-wearers. There are endless reasons to take off one’s glasses during the day and, as I have grown older, what I don’t see has become increasingly pronounced.”

— Sloane Crosley

31. “I thought we had reached an understanding, the institution of marriage and I. Weddings are like the triathalon of female friendship: the Shower, the Bachelorette Party, and the Main Event. It’s the Iron Woman and most people never make it through. They fall of their bikes and choke on ocean water.”

— Sloane Crosley

32. “Not all shabby is chic, just like not every porn actor is a star.”

— Sloane Crosley

33. “Insomniacs tend to fall into two general categories – those who give up and those who don’t. I don’t. I refuse to admit defeat by turning on the light. I will not try to read or watch a movie, thank you. Productivity is a crutch of the weak.”

— Sloane Crosley

34. “Are there moments when I see unrequited crushes or ex-boyfriends slow dancing with their dates and kind of want to stab myself in the spleen with a salad fork? Yeah, sure.”

— Sloane Crosley

35. “Unless we’re talking about old-school, witchcraft-trial violence, can we please phase out the phrase ‘girl crush?’ While we’re at it, if we can axe ‘like, total girl crush’ unless Total Girl Crush is the name of a fizzy soft drink, in which case I’ll take two, thank you.”

— Sloane Crosley

36. “Air travel is the safest form of travel aside from walking; even then, the chances of being hit by a public bus at 30,000 feet are remarkably slim. I also have no problem with confined spaces. Or heights. What I am afraid of is speed.”

— Sloane Crosley

37. “The Darkness at Irving. Hope to have as much fun doing anything ever as these guys have on stage.”

— Sloane Crosley

Featured in: Fun Quotes

38. “At the end of each year, I sit on the floor and go page by page through the old calendar, inking annual events into the new one, all the while watching my year in ‘dinner withs’ skate by. When I’m done, I save the old calendar in the box of the new one and put it with the others on a shelf.”

— Sloane Crosley

39. “I spent a lot of time waiting for things to happen to me, which is more or less as pathetic as it sounds.”

— Sloane Crosley

40. “Time grabs you by the scruff of your neck and drags you forward. You get over it, of course. Everyone was right about that. One mathematically insignificant day, you stop hoping for happiness and become actually happy.”

— Sloane Crosley

41. “I attended an extremely small liberal arts school. There were approximately 1,600 of us roaming our New England campus on a good day. My high school was bigger. My freshman year hourly calorie intake was bigger.”

— Sloane Crosley

42. “Kids across the country have grown up accepting the idea that no one can harm your family if at least one of its adult members is in the shower. No one knows why.”

— Sloane Crosley

43. “I find that anything culturally significant that happened before ’93 I associate with the decade before it. In fact, Oregon Trail is one of a handful of signposts that middle school existed at all.”

— Sloane Crosley

44. “When you spin a globe and point to a city and actually go to that city, you build an allowance of missed opportunities on the back end.”

— Sloane Crosley

45. “I have definitely had experiences where I can feel the shift from simply living my life to being slightly outside of my life and taking notes.”

— Sloane Crosley

46. “In every woman’s wardrobe, there are certain accessories that cannot be separated from their back stories.”

— Sloane Crosley

Featured in: Quotes About Stories

47. “I am starting to like LA, but the concept of a place you have to get used to so much seems a little weird to me. I have been to many foreign cities where I didn’t have do acclimatize as much as I did to LA.”

— Sloane Crosley

48. “Sometimes in New York, you’re walking down the street and you realize there’s a girl walking in front of you whose thighs you could hit a golf ball through, and maybe that makes you depressed.”

— Sloane Crosley

49. “Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?”

— Sloane Crosley

50. “I wouldn’t want to live in Berlin. It’s bombed out and there’s a lot of techno.”

— Sloane Crosley