Top 70 Tara Sivec Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Spitters are Quitters.”

— Tara Sivec

2. “I quickly tried to do the math but my brain was a jumbled mess and I couldn’t remember what number comes after potato!”

— Tara Sivec

3. “Who keeps putting alcohol in my alcohol?”

— Tara Sivec

4. “You are always the light in my darkness. You’re the reason I’m alive, you’re the reason I’m here and you’re the reason I breathe, every day.”

— Tara Sivec

5. “I’m gonna make like a fetus and head out.”

— Tara Sivec

6. “I love you more than a hooker loves free VD testing day at the clinic.”

— Tara Sivec

7. “No one likes an ugly crier. It’s uncomfortable for all parties involved.”

— Tara Sivec

8. “I love both of you exactly the way you are. I love that you have no filter, and I adore that Gavin can make grown men cry. There is not one thing I would change about either of you, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can kiss my ass. You guys are my life and my family now. Nothing else matters.”

— Tara Sivec

9. “I had been out of the game for too long. I couldn’t even get drunk and flirt anymore. I could however, get drunk and look like a stroke victim.”

— Tara Sivec

10. “I should have sold you to that traveling circus when you were four.”

— Tara Sivec

11. “He’s been hung up on a one-night-stand he had five years ago with a girl that smelled like Cocoa Puffs.”

— Tara Sivec

12. “I shouldn’t be allowed to think when I’m drinking.”

— Tara Sivec

13. “You and me against the world, Fisher. It’s always been you and me, and it always will be.”

— Tara Sivec

14. “I’m not crying,” I sniffle. “My eyes are leaking fluid of frustration. There’s a difference.”

— Tara Sivec

15. “This is where my story begins. Or ends. I can never really decide.”

— Tara Sivec

16. “How many people get a second chance at love with the only person they’ve ever held in their heart?”

— Tara Sivec

17. “When you’ve been hurt once, it’s so hard to let go and not be afraid you won’t be hurt again.”

— Tara Sivec

18. “She swore she would never let someone take so much of her heart and soul that it would wither away to nothing once they were gone. She gave up on the dream of finding someone to consume her mind, body, and soul. It only ruined you in the end. It only left you broken and unable to live.”

— Tara Sivec

19. “I’ve waited long enough. Shelby is the main reason I’m still here, alive and kicking, and it’s time she knows that. It’s time for me to take back what was always meant to be mine.”

— Tara Sivec

20. “I’d rather be a complete mess with you than spend another day shattered all over the floor alone.”

— Tara Sivec

21. “They say that when you have your own child, the first time you look into his or her eyes you will fall instantly in love and the rest of the world disappears. They say you’ll believe your child can do no wrong, and you will love them unconditionally right from the very first moment. Well, whoever “they” are should seriously limit the amount of crack they smoke and stop talking out of their ass while their Arby’s vaginas are flopping around in their grandma panties.”

— Tara Sivec

22. “It’s a strange thing, feeling like you can’t breathe without another person. Physically, I know I’m breathing and my heart is beating when she’s not around, but in my soul, it feels a movie that’s been paused, waiting for someone to come back into the room. When I’m away from her, I feel like my life is on hold and she’s the only one who can restart it.”

— Tara Sivec

23. “Uncle Drew is completely inappropriate and one hundred percent of the time, and Aunt Jenny is a few fries short of a Happy Meal.”

— Tara Sivec

24. “You can’t stop fighting, Lucy. You can never stop fighting for something you love and something you believe in.”

— Tara Sivec

25. “Loving you meant loving every part of you, the good and the bad, the easy and the hard.”

— Tara Sivec

26. “I want to know what it feels like to love someone so much that you would do anything for them, even at the risk of your own broken heart.”

— Tara Sivec

27. “If it’s burning eternally, it’s probably chlamydia,” Ariel deadpans.”

— Tara Sivec

28. “I never should have left you. I’ll never stop loving you, even if you hate me for walking away.”

— Tara Sivec

29. “You make everything perfect, Lucy. You’re my light and my life and all I need is your love to guide me home, no matter where I go.”

— Tara Sivec

30. “Oh, dear. He’s a pimp and he’s stupid, this is not good,” Bev mutters. “Leon, leave it to you to find the only stupid pimp in Seattle.”

— Tara Sivec

31. “Mom, do you have pot hanging from the ceiling?” Noel asks. “You know your father needs it for his arthritis,” her mother sighs. “Pot – mistletoe, potato – potahto. It’s green and it’s festive, and you have to kiss under it.”

— Tara Sivec

32. “Mom, do you have pot hanging from the ceiling?”

— Tara Sivec

33. “They aren’t skanks and they aren’t stupid. I prefer to call them ’scantily-clad ladies with limited vocabulary.”

— Tara Sivec

34. “Someday, down the line, I’m going to marry you by that lighthouse. We’ll just renew our vows or something,” I tell her.”

— Tara Sivec

35. “He was so pretty I wanted to frame him and put him on my nightstand in a totally non-creepy, non-Hannibal Lector skin-suit-wearing kind of way.”

— Tara Sivec

36. “I’m not going to stand by and watch the woman I’ve always loved slip away again.”

— Tara Sivec

37. “If you spelled George Morgan wrong on Google it didn’t say, “Did you mean George Morgan?” It simply replied, “Run while you still have the chance.”

— Tara Sivec

38. “I brought pot mistletoe for you guys to kiss and make up under!”

— Tara Sivec

39. “The mind is a great and powerful thing, bisected with hallways of darkness and corners of light.”

— Tara Sivec

40. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby. No matter what, Gavin will always be your little boy. The first woman he ever asked to marry him. Even when he’s in fifth grade and those little bitches pull out the big guns and start getting boob jobs and vaginal rejuvenation surgeries.”

— Tara Sivec

41. “Ooooh, make her a mix tape! Those are always fun.” “Nineteen-eighty-five called, they want their idea back.”

— Tara Sivec

42. “I take a step in Brooklyn’s direction. Just thinking her name makes me cringe. Her parents had named her after a city known for housing the Russian mafia and call girls. Not to mention dirty. Dirty, little Brooklyn. It’s a nice place to visit, but no one wants to live there. I bet you it says that under her name on her birth certificate.”

— Tara Sivec

43. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Small-business license, website design, filing tax paperwork, blah, blah, blah, Cindy’s getting a frickle shoved in her frackle,” Ariel shouts after me.”

— Tara Sivec

44. “Dude, you’ve been fingering that box in your pocket all this time? I thought you had crabs or something. I was going to let you borrow my cream.”

— Tara Sivec

45. “What are you, the wine police? Don’t you have some Barbies that need to be played with somewhere?”

— Tara Sivec

46. “I can’t do this without her, Liz, I can’t. Every part of my life is wrapped up in her. She’s my wife, the mother of my children and my everything. How am I supposed to live without her?” he sobs.”

— Tara Sivec

47. “If you ramble enough, people will think what you’re saying is true, right?”

— Tara Sivec

48. “My tits may be small, but they’re deadly.”

— Tara Sivec

49. “If he didn’t drag you into the closest dressing room and make you see God, you sucked at flirting.” Ariel points her finger at me as I swipe at my chin with the back of my hand. “Men are dumb. You need to speak in slow, short sentences and be direct. Don’t beat around the bush or he’ll never beat inside your bush.”

— Tara Sivec

50. “So, what, you want her to make a list of things she should do and refer to them in the middle of a seduction? ‘Oh, yes. Oh, that feels so good. WAIT! I need to check my notes to make sure you’re going down on me right.”

— Tara Sivec