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Top 15 The Harvard Lampoon Quotes (2025 Update)

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “I had recently come into the possession of a Thesaurus. You would not believe how many words there are! When I opened that book, I was like, whoa! Word party!”

1. “I had recently come into the possession of a Thesaurus. You would not believe how many words there are! When I opened that book, I was like, whoa! Word party!”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “They all got really quiet and started to lick their lips, closing in on Lucy. I started to lick my lips, too, because it’s one of those subconcious, contagious things like sneezing, but then I stopped because it just isn’t worth it if you forgot to bring ChapStick.”

2. “They all got really quiet and started to lick their lips, closing in on Lucy. I started to lick my lips, too, because it’s one of those subconcious, contagious things like sneezing, but then I stopped because it just isn’t worth it if you forgot to bring ChapStick.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “I noticed there was garlic above the doorframe. Edwart held a stake in one hand and a ‘Team Jacob’ shirt in the other.”

3. “I noticed there was garlic above the doorframe. Edwart held a stake in one hand and a ‘Team Jacob’ shirt in the other.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he’s a vampire.”

4. “The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he’s a vampire.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “When guys gnash their teeth and knit their brows in a broody, furious expression, it means they have found their soulmate.”

5. “When guys gnash their teeth and knit their brows in a broody, furious expression, it means they have found their soulmate.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “It’s no big deal. I want to go. I want to leave all of my friends and the sunlight for a small, rainy town.”

6. “It’s no big deal. I want to go. I want to leave all of my friends and the sunlight for a small, rainy town.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “The next day was wonderful... and terrible. So, overall, I guess it was okay.”

7. “The next day was wonderful... and terrible. So, overall, I guess it was okay.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “As a self-exiled exile, I would know the pain of Diaspora and the pleasure of imposing it.”

8. “As a self-exiled exile, I would know the pain of Diaspora and the pleasure of imposing it.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “I decided to use ‘Frown Power.’ This is where you socially deter people from being bigoted by frowning at their ignorant remarks.”

9. “I decided to use ‘Frown Power.’ This is where you socially deter people from being bigoted by frowning at their ignorant remarks.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “There were a great many beds arranged around the walls, all of which looked as though they had recently been slept in by perverted kangaroos...”

10. “There were a great many beds arranged around the walls, all of which looked as though they had recently been slept in by perverted kangaroos...”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “Do not mock powers beyond your knowledge, impudent hair-foot.”

11. “Do not mock powers beyond your knowledge, impudent hair-foot.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “I looked over at Edwart. It occurred to me that I had never seen him in direct sunlight. Interestingly enough, I had also never seen him sparkle. Could the two be related?”

12. “I looked over at Edwart. It occurred to me that I had never seen him in direct sunlight. Interestingly enough, I had also never seen him sparkle. Could the two be related?”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “To assist him in his duties there was a rather large police force which did nothing but extract confessions, mostly from squirrels.”

13. “To assist him in his duties there was a rather large police force which did nothing but extract confessions, mostly from squirrels.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “At the mention of his name, Frito gurgled loudly and fell off his sheep, and the Ring dropped out of his clothes and rolled to Orlon’s feet. One of the sheep trotted up, licked it, and turned into a fire hydrant.”

14. “At the mention of his name, Frito gurgled loudly and fell off his sheep, and the Ring dropped out of his clothes and rolled to Orlon’s feet. One of the sheep trotted up, licked it, and turned into a fire hydrant.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

The Harvard Lampoon Quote: “Allow me,” said the elf, proffering Gimlet’s beard to Frito, who was now sneezing uncontrollably.”

15. “Allow me,” said the elf, proffering Gimlet’s beard to Frito, who was now sneezing uncontrollably.”

— The Harvard Lampoon

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