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Top 25 Victoria Secunda Quotes (2024 Update)

Victoria Secunda Quote: “The psychological absence of fathers can be nearly as devastating as physical absence. When fathers are alive but not a predictable presence actively participating in their daughter’s lives the relationship becomes a permanent “maybe.”

1. “The psychological absence of fathers can be nearly as devastating as physical absence. When fathers are alive but not a predictable presence actively participating in their daughter’s lives the relationship becomes a permanent “maybe.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “If father and daughter can manage to cross the finish line of her emancipation together- she accepting Daddy’s flaws, he viewing hers as opportunities for her to learn and grow- the ups and downs of their relationship and mutual growth can prepare her for the ambiguities of life. The example of the father weathering his own emotional seasons can help the daughter weather her own.”

2. “If father and daughter can manage to cross the finish line of her emancipation together- she accepting Daddy’s flaws, he viewing hers as opportunities for her to learn and grow- the ups and downs of their relationship and mutual growth can prepare her for the ambiguities of life. The example of the father weathering his own emotional seasons can help the daughter weather her own.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “When a mother attempts to bind a grown daughter to her, whether by fear or neediness or illness or rage, the consequences can be devastating. To continue trying to please an unpleasable mother threatens an adult daughter’s mental health and all of her relationships. And yet such daughters keep coming back to their mothers, without the daughters’ altering that relationship and their bitter or anguished reactions to it.”

3. “When a mother attempts to bind a grown daughter to her, whether by fear or neediness or illness or rage, the consequences can be devastating. To continue trying to please an unpleasable mother threatens an adult daughter’s mental health and all of her relationships. And yet such daughters keep coming back to their mothers, without the daughters’ altering that relationship and their bitter or anguished reactions to it.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “If you are told from the time you are one month that you’re no good and you’re not smart and you can’t do it and you don’t have an opinion of your own and you pick the wrong friends and you don’t study the right way and you don’t wear the right clothes and you don’t look nice, at some point you’re going to start believing it. And if you believe it, you’re going to need a mommy to tell you what to do. And that’s abuse. Not to let your child grow up to be an independent, respected human being.”

4. “If you are told from the time you are one month that you’re no good and you’re not smart and you can’t do it and you don’t have an opinion of your own and you pick the wrong friends and you don’t study the right way and you don’t wear the right clothes and you don’t look nice, at some point you’re going to start believing it. And if you believe it, you’re going to need a mommy to tell you what to do. And that’s abuse. Not to let your child grow up to be an independent, respected human being.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “We forget in order to survive our childhoods, when we are totally dependent on our parents’ goodwill; but to recover from such childhoods, we must begin by remembering-the bad and the good.”

5. “We forget in order to survive our childhoods, when we are totally dependent on our parents’ goodwill; but to recover from such childhoods, we must begin by remembering-the bad and the good.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “Father absence has been implicated in anorexia nervosa, in which daughters may exhibit literal father hunger by starving themselves.”

6. “Father absence has been implicated in anorexia nervosa, in which daughters may exhibit literal father hunger by starving themselves.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “Parental neglect even in intact families, can have a shattering effect on how daughters- even those with loving mothers- feel about men.”

7. “Parental neglect even in intact families, can have a shattering effect on how daughters- even those with loving mothers- feel about men.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “Happiness” alone does not guarantee mental health and well-being. A tempering dose of disappointment- an occasional taste of frustration and learning that you do recover from it- goes a long way toward producing long-term contentment. Indeed the ability to ride out the bad times without feeling doomed is essential to survival. When happiness is not taken for granted, and when one is acquainted with its opposite it is more easily savored and has more lasting effects.”

8. “Happiness” alone does not guarantee mental health and well-being. A tempering dose of disappointment- an occasional taste of frustration and learning that you do recover from it- goes a long way toward producing long-term contentment. Indeed the ability to ride out the bad times without feeling doomed is essential to survival. When happiness is not taken for granted, and when one is acquainted with its opposite it is more easily savored and has more lasting effects.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “A girl’s sense of her womanly self depends only in part on how closely she has followed her mother’s example in attire and actions, or how much she loves or hates or respects her. It is from both parents that a girl gains her basic identity.”

9. “A girl’s sense of her womanly self depends only in part on how closely she has followed her mother’s example in attire and actions, or how much she loves or hates or respects her. It is from both parents that a girl gains her basic identity.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “Integral to being emotionally healthy is to have a mother who has the ability to respect her child’s differences and not perceive them as betrayals.”

10. “Integral to being emotionally healthy is to have a mother who has the ability to respect her child’s differences and not perceive them as betrayals.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “Children who are accustomed to being treated well internalize that treatment and have a permanent sense of well-being. But children whose every need is instantly gratified and who are constantly praised to the skies do not have the same sense of well-being; rather they may feel despair or rage when that gratification is withheld, or when everyone doesn’t glorify them in the same way.”

11. “Children who are accustomed to being treated well internalize that treatment and have a permanent sense of well-being. But children whose every need is instantly gratified and who are constantly praised to the skies do not have the same sense of well-being; rather they may feel despair or rage when that gratification is withheld, or when everyone doesn’t glorify them in the same way.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “If unloving mothers were able to see their behavious as abusive, they either would stop behaving that way or they would get help for their dysfunction. But many cannot: instead, they deny it, to themselves, their families, and the world at large, in order to avoid a sense of guilt, to avoid having to make changes in their lives, or to avoid the bruising awareness that they, too, were unloved children.”

12. “If unloving mothers were able to see their behavious as abusive, they either would stop behaving that way or they would get help for their dysfunction. But many cannot: instead, they deny it, to themselves, their families, and the world at large, in order to avoid a sense of guilt, to avoid having to make changes in their lives, or to avoid the bruising awareness that they, too, were unloved children.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “A well-fathered daughter will seek in her partnerships men who mirror the devoted father of childhood, avoiding partnerships that denigrate or compromise her. Having experienced the real thing when she was very young- having been taught self-reliance, she settles for no less when she is an adult.”

13. “A well-fathered daughter will seek in her partnerships men who mirror the devoted father of childhood, avoiding partnerships that denigrate or compromise her. Having experienced the real thing when she was very young- having been taught self-reliance, she settles for no less when she is an adult.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “It isn’t just the physical presence of the father that matters- it’s his engagement and involvement. An emotionally remote or rejecting or actively punitive father leads to girls’ feeling pretty apprehensive around men.”

14. “It isn’t just the physical presence of the father that matters- it’s his engagement and involvement. An emotionally remote or rejecting or actively punitive father leads to girls’ feeling pretty apprehensive around men.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “Little children require their parent’s unqualified love in order to survive and feel secure. Very soon, however, they need a tempered version of that devotion- parents who can give them the freedom to fail or feel sorrow or taste frustration, to fully experience their own pain and pleasure and learn from them. Therapists call this phenomenon “ownership.”

15. “Little children require their parent’s unqualified love in order to survive and feel secure. Very soon, however, they need a tempered version of that devotion- parents who can give them the freedom to fail or feel sorrow or taste frustration, to fully experience their own pain and pleasure and learn from them. Therapists call this phenomenon “ownership.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “When fathers are lovingly involved with their daughters from birth, the daughters reap the benefits all their lives. Daughters who had fathers they could count on are the most likely to be drawn to men who treat them well, to see their lovers as dependable people who won’t suddenly disappear, and to be consistently orgasmic.”

16. “When fathers are lovingly involved with their daughters from birth, the daughters reap the benefits all their lives. Daughters who had fathers they could count on are the most likely to be drawn to men who treat them well, to see their lovers as dependable people who won’t suddenly disappear, and to be consistently orgasmic.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “For all children, mothers are their first love, their first acquaintance with intimacy, touch, warmth, tenderness, sustenance. Infancy is a conspiracy between mothers and their babies, a bond that fathers can only helplessly witness, denied the profound pleasure and pain of giving birth.”

17. “For all children, mothers are their first love, their first acquaintance with intimacy, touch, warmth, tenderness, sustenance. Infancy is a conspiracy between mothers and their babies, a bond that fathers can only helplessly witness, denied the profound pleasure and pain of giving birth.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “At the same time, the daughters, in adulthood, must also make the effort to really know their mothers – which many daughters do not – in order to understand what forces shaped those mothers. These daughters need to discover what torment may have unwittingly informed their mothers’ parental choices, and to see their mothers as composites of strengths and weaknesses, rather than as all good or all bad.”

18. “At the same time, the daughters, in adulthood, must also make the effort to really know their mothers – which many daughters do not – in order to understand what forces shaped those mothers. These daughters need to discover what torment may have unwittingly informed their mothers’ parental choices, and to see their mothers as composites of strengths and weaknesses, rather than as all good or all bad.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “If it is your fault that your mother is miserable, it becomes a potentially fixable affront. Taking blame means that at least the hope of love is still there-all you have to do is deserve it.”

19. “If it is your fault that your mother is miserable, it becomes a potentially fixable affront. Taking blame means that at least the hope of love is still there-all you have to do is deserve it.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “One only has to watch aging siblings scrap over the worthless pots and pans and scuffed furniture of a deceased parent’s estate- like toddlers over toys- to see how desperate is the need to wrest some last, pathetic, tangible measure of their parent’s devotion.”

20. “One only has to watch aging siblings scrap over the worthless pots and pans and scuffed furniture of a deceased parent’s estate- like toddlers over toys- to see how desperate is the need to wrest some last, pathetic, tangible measure of their parent’s devotion.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “If a mother has an unhealthy need to dominate her children-which she demonstrates by bullying, terrifying, neglecting, suffocating, indulging, humiliating, overprotecting or abusing them- those children must come to the recognition that such treatment is wrong in order to begin the long process of recovery and ultimate understanding.”

21. “If a mother has an unhealthy need to dominate her children-which she demonstrates by bullying, terrifying, neglecting, suffocating, indulging, humiliating, overprotecting or abusing them- those children must come to the recognition that such treatment is wrong in order to begin the long process of recovery and ultimate understanding.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “I have always tried to be all the tings my mother wanted me to be; ever the lady, always polite, never inconsiderate. I run my business the way my mother ran our house – everything just so. In some ways I am my mother – full of life when I’m happy, very cold when I’m angry. People say I look just like her. I’ll tell you a secret: every time I pass a mirror, I gasp. I wonder if there’s more here than meets the eye.” – Karen, thirty-nine.”

22. “I have always tried to be all the tings my mother wanted me to be; ever the lady, always polite, never inconsiderate. I run my business the way my mother ran our house – everything just so. In some ways I am my mother – full of life when I’m happy, very cold when I’m angry. People say I look just like her. I’ll tell you a secret: every time I pass a mirror, I gasp. I wonder if there’s more here than meets the eye.” – Karen, thirty-nine.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “Another reason it’s dangerous to acknowledge that you were unloved is that it implies the possibility that your mother may have been right-you are unlovable.”

23. “Another reason it’s dangerous to acknowledge that you were unloved is that it implies the possibility that your mother may have been right-you are unlovable.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “Many daughters live out their lives avoiding or abiding or arguing with their mothers-burying the long-ago injury or insult or childhood deprivation under a blanket of forgetfulness-and not confronting it head-on. It’s humiliating to remember the ways in which one demeaned oneself in order to prevent being in a mother’s bad graces, the willingness to do anything in order to not be rejected, when rejection felt like death.”

24. “Many daughters live out their lives avoiding or abiding or arguing with their mothers-burying the long-ago injury or insult or childhood deprivation under a blanket of forgetfulness-and not confronting it head-on. It’s humiliating to remember the ways in which one demeaned oneself in order to prevent being in a mother’s bad graces, the willingness to do anything in order to not be rejected, when rejection felt like death.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “Anger is the first step toward emotional healing.”

25. “Anger is the first step toward emotional healing.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “The daughter can become the mother’s opportunity either to make up for the past and right wrongs or to exact retribution for her losses. The mother’s own experience of the long-ago family serves as an overlay to her mothering: Past and present are inextricably intertwined.”

26. “The daughter can become the mother’s opportunity either to make up for the past and right wrongs or to exact retribution for her losses. The mother’s own experience of the long-ago family serves as an overlay to her mothering: Past and present are inextricably intertwined.”

— Victoria Secunda

Victoria Secunda Quote: “People who are used to constant attention and flattery become inured to the merely pleasant and become “peak seekers.” They expect the highs, and when their unrealistic goals or expectations are not met, they are not simply disappointed, they are devastated.”

27. “People who are used to constant attention and flattery become inured to the merely pleasant and become “peak seekers.” They expect the highs, and when their unrealistic goals or expectations are not met, they are not simply disappointed, they are devastated.”

— Victoria Secunda

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