Top 5 Wilkie Martin Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Now walk this way.’ He turned towards the door. If I’d tried to walk that way I’d have done myself a mischief, so I contented myself with my usual scurry, interspersed with bursts of jogging.”

— Wilkie Martin

2. “Suit yourself,’ she said. ‘Just beware the pit of doom. They do say it’s bottomless.’ ‘What?’ ‘Oh sorry, dear. Did I say the pit of doom? I meant to say mind your head. The ceiling’s a little low in parts.”

— Wilkie Martin

3. “If he does well, it will be called dedication. If he doesn’t it will be lunacy.”

— Wilkie Martin

4. “I heard you’d gone into a monastery.’ Tony nodded. ‘I did, only I didn’t stay long. I couldn’t be doing with all the praying and getting up early, though I kinda liked wearing those robe thingies.’ ‘Cassocks?’ I suggested. ‘No, it’s true.”

— Wilkie Martin

5. “A customer, not a regular who would have known better, had complained about the head on his beer. When Featherlight, purple-faced and twitching, had asked what was wrong with having a head on beer, the customer had retorted, not unreasonably, that everything was wrong when the head had once belonged to a mouse.”

— Wilkie Martin

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