Top 50 Will Advise Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don’t believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you’ll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn’t make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is.”

— Will Advise

2. “If Jarod Kintz was a cat, he’d stalk people silently and deadly. Right now, all he does is bark at them for no good reason, like all the good people do.”

— Will Advise

3. “To fall in love twice, with the same person, you need to grow another heart. That’s all I do in my secret underground laboratory at night...”

— Will Advise

4. “I’d like to make a twosome with two handsome trees. Make that a threesome as I’d also include a bush in the package, to keep it low profile.”

— Will Advise

5. “A river starts by longing for the ocean...”

— Will Advise

6. “Whenever a river reaches the ocean, it waits to go back...”

— Will Advise

7. “The morning sky is a thought of the stars.”

— Will Advise

8. “A river unneeded still finds its way down to the ocean...”

— Will Advise

9. “I wonder how Japan’s futuristic robot doctors will treat the worst and most widespread disease humanity already has – artificially lowered IQ. Making people stupider makes them buy more stuff – so “How many robots can you afford?” will be the big question of one of the following decades, unless we go back to Communism and produce everything for the sake of it, for free.”

— Will Advise

10. “I’m an oracle of the past. I can accurately predict up to 1 minute in the future, by thoroughly investigating the last 2 years of your life. Also, I look like an old database – flat and full of useless info.”

— Will Advise

11. “To adore one has to yearn.”

— Will Advise

12. “People skills are useless with cats, because cats are immune to training, and do whatever they decide in any situation... And most importantly they aren’t human.”

— Will Advise

13. “To feel is to go to the places you were.”

— Will Advise

14. “An imaginary friend once asked me why Americans can’t stand Russia. The answer was cold, deadly, silent, and, well expected. It’s because in Soviet Russia nothing happens anymore, because it doesn’t exist anymore. And Americans are all about happenings. If there isn’t one – they don’t go where it isn’t, because there isn’t anything to happen to them there.”

— Will Advise

15. “Prosperity is always built on slave labor. Ask any Ameri-can’t. Or Bulgari-can. Yes, we can, eat from a trash can...”

— Will Advise

16. “Wasting time on timing stuff is a good way to save time from being wasted on other pointless activities like writing, reading, and sleeping.”

— Will Advise

17. “I’ll make a book on learning how to be a complete moron someday, and I’m sure no one will buy it, because everyone will have mastered that already by the time I gather enough moronism to process it into digestible upgrade instructions for your average village cyborg-idiot.”

— Will Advise

18. “Eating pizza is like having a little heaven in your nose. Wait, that’s not what you eat pizza with. I always get it confused with pizza-pie.”

— Will Advise

19. “The more you believe, the more you’ll be leaving you, when what you believed turns out to be just lies. Or unjust lies. Or any lies, anyway.”

— Will Advise

20. “The way to be invisible – is to truly be imaginary. But since you cannot imagine yourself, you have to clone your imagination into being an image of yourself. Imagine that.”

— Will Advise

21. “Love can be simply the absence of tension.”

— Will Advise

22. “One must be a lotus to emerge from mucky waters clean.”

— Will Advise

23. “Nothing brings home closer than going home...”

— Will Advise

24. “I am the most pious person in the room. Even though I have no pie – I have pizza, and what can be more virtuous than eating all by yourself?”

— Will Advise

25. “Silence is the invisibility of talking. I’d take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I’d take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day, unless it’s Tuesday.”

— Will Advise

26. “The meaning of life is to make life be more.”

— Will Advise

27. “I think she’s too single for me, and she thinks I’m with two other people. She also thinks she thinks, I think.”

— Will Advise

28. “To find true love simply one must just adore.”

— Will Advise

29. “Trees are where Nature has simply begun.”

— Will Advise

30. “Having no applicable skills, in any possible area whatsoever, effectively makes me the master of redundancy. But that info is obsolete, like my insults dictionary, which I stole.”

— Will Advise

31. “Minimalism is saying all by saying nothing.”

— Will Advise

32. “Always carry what is beautiful in your heart.”

— Will Advise

33. “What’s writ is what’s read, yet the meaning is gone, since context is what gives each quote its own home.”

— Will Advise

34. “To share is just to align with a person.”

— Will Advise

35. “If I could store lightnings in jars, I’d sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life.”

— Will Advise

36. “Fluttershyes are like regular shyes, only shinier, and, apparently – also shyer. Whenever petted – they don’t flutter, but run away instead.”

— Will Advise

37. “Once a cat loves you, it loves you till the end.”

— Will Advise

38. “IQ’s are a combination of eyes, and queues. Would you wait in line to see my goat show? Of course you wouldn’t, because the line is invisible.”

— Will Advise

39. “Someone. Everyone. Anyone. No-one. One. One can’t be everyone, but there isn’t more than one everyone, at the same time. And at the same time no-one can’t be someone, but anyone can be one, and also anyone can be a no-one. To sum up – everyone is someone, and any-one becomes a no-one if you divide the one part long enough by every part of every-one, so in conclusion, I have no idea what I’m talking about, basically.”

— Will Advise

40. “Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.”

— Will Advise

41. “I fake fake to have a fake life. Does that make me a real horse? Buy now for $777, wooden saddle sold separately. Real horseshoes not included. Imaginary ones – neither.”

— Will Advise

42. “Love is always more than friendship.”

— Will Advise

43. “I’ll catch any rose in my vase-shaped heart, then process it through my vascular system, until there’s nothing left.”

— Will Advise

44. “The sea, to be happy, like hearts, must be stirred.”

— Will Advise

45. “With all the global warming going around nowadays, it would only take the stubbornness of a mule and the patience of a sitting duck to achieve what no man has ever done before – namely melt the ice in a wax figure’s beaten heart that was chopped off and hidden 50 meters under the polar ice caps in Alaska, to protect it from feeling.”

— Will Advise

46. “Dark alleys, like social networks, are romantic, because you never know what might happen while I perform there every Caturday night. Cats do know, but won’t tell. So don’t even ask.”

— Will Advise

47. “I don’t sleep. I just let my body lie itself into numbness and lie to myself that I can’t hear, see, or feel anything.”

— Will Advise

48. “The best about cats is they love cannot feign...”

— Will Advise

49. “I’m like my cat. I run around in circles in my apartment, because the big bad outside is just too big. And scary. And outside. How do stray cats deal with all the stress of having no protection from all the air that’s going on around there, without anyone to guide and control it into timidity?”

— Will Advise

50. “The realest of cats love with all of their being...”

— Will Advise