Top 50 Will Cuppy Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.”

— Will Cuppy

2. “Ah, well! We live and learn, or, anyway, we live.”

— Will Cuppy

3. “The moral of the story of the Pilgrims is that if you work hard all your life and behave yourself every minute and take no time out for fun you will break practically even, if you can borrow enough money to pay your taxes.”

— Will Cuppy

Featured in: Fun Quotes, Quotes About Stories

4. “Young normal tigers do not eat people. If eaten by a tiger you may rest assured he was abnormal.”

— Will Cuppy

5. “All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike creature but it shows more on some people.”

— Will Cuppy

6. “A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself.”

— Will Cuppy

7. “Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.”

— Will Cuppy

8. “My philosophy of life can be summed up in four words: It can’t be helped.”

— Will Cuppy

9. “Just when you’re beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.”

— Will Cuppy

10. “Let’s not be too quick to blame the human race for everything. A great many species of animals became extinct before man ever appeared on earth.”

— Will Cuppy

11. “Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people.”

— Will Cuppy

12. “If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.”

— Will Cuppy

13. “The Love bird is one hundred percent faithful to his mate-who is locked into the same cage.”

— Will Cuppy

14. “A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras.”

— Will Cuppy

15. “The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.”

— Will Cuppy

16. “To the seeing eye life is mostly Sparrows.”

— Will Cuppy

17. “Aristotle described the Crow as chaste. In some departments of knowledge, Aristotle was too innocent for his own good.”

— Will Cuppy

18. “Galvani was mistaken about the amount of electricity in frogs, but he had some good ideas, too, for the galvanometer is named in his honor, and you don’t have galvanometers named after you merely for making a mistake about a frog.”

— Will Cuppy

19. “Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.”

— Will Cuppy

20. “The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for.”

— Will Cuppy

21. “Alexander III of Macedon is known as Alexander the Great because he killed more people of more different kinds than any other man of his time.”

— Will Cuppy

22. “The Ancient Egyptians considered it good luck to meet a swarm of Bees on the road. What they considered bad luck I couldn’t say.”

— Will Cuppy

23. “Orangutans teach us that looks are not everything-but warned near it.”

— Will Cuppy

24. “The sloth lives his life upside down. He is perfectly comfortable that way. If the blood rushes to his head, nothing happens because there is nothing to work on.”

— Will Cuppy

25. “I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What’s more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don’t go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty.”

— Will Cuppy

26. “Egypt has been called the Gift of the Nile. Once every year the river overflows its banks, depositing a layer of rich alluvial soil on the parched ground. Then it recedes and soon the whole countryside, as far as the eye can reach, is covered with Egyptologists.”

— Will Cuppy

27. “I only know that all is lost, and that nothing can help me unless I inherit money, strike oil or go to work.”

— Will Cuppy

28. “Frogs will eat red-flannel worms fed to them by biologists; this proves a great deal about both parties concerned.”

— Will Cuppy

29. “I hear so many things about who I am supposed to be I hardly know what to believe. I am willing to tell all, but what Is it? Doubtless all these myths and legends will be straightened out eventually, but It may take years.”

— Will Cuppy

30. “It’s easy to see the faults in people I know; it’s hardest to see the good. Especially when the good isn’t there.”

— Will Cuppy

31. “Intelligence is the capacity to know what we are doing and instinct is just instinct. The results are about the same.”

— Will Cuppy

32. “I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I’m not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the ‘ideas’ of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.”

— Will Cuppy

33. “Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.”

— Will Cuppy

34. “We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.”

— Will Cuppy

35. “Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.”

— Will Cuppy

36. “Caesar might have married Cleopatra, but he had a wife at home. There’s always something.”

— Will Cuppy

37. “The hippopotamus looks monogamous- he looks as if he would have to be.”

— Will Cuppy

38. “Borrowing has a bad name, but you would be surprised how it helps in a pinch.”

— Will Cuppy

39. “I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.”

— Will Cuppy

40. “Henry VIII had so many wives because his dynastic sense was very strong whenever he saw a maid of honour.”

— Will Cuppy

Featured in: Strong Quotes

41. “The wren-box problem is becoming more acute each year, for wrens now demand better housing conditions and labor-saving devices.”

— Will Cuppy

42. “Whenever a kangaroo puts his paws on your shoulder and gives you a big grin, that is the time to leave.”

— Will Cuppy

43. “Even as a child back in Indiana, whenever I took a Butterbelly off the hook I used to ask myself, “Does this fish think?” I would even ask others, “Do you suppose this Butterbelly can think?” And all I would get in reply was a look. At the age of eighteen, I left the state.”

— Will Cuppy

44. “Male penguins are unfaithful up to an advanced age, a phenomenon sometimes attributed to the sea air.”

— Will Cuppy

45. “The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp.”

— Will Cuppy

46. “Unfortunately, this world is full of people who are ready to think the worst when they see a man sneaking out of the wrong bedroom in the middle of the night.”

— Will Cuppy

47. “Whales are silly once every two years. The young are called short-heads or baby blimps. Many whale romances begin in Baffin’s bay and end in Procter and Gamble’s factory, Staten Island.”

— Will Cuppy

48. “The Mexicans gave the Spaniards malaria, and the Spaniards gave the Mexicans smallpox, whooping cough, diphtheria, and syphilis. The Spaniards believed it was better to give than to receive.”

— Will Cuppy

49. “As llamas have never heard of oxygen, they do not miss it.”

— Will Cuppy

50. “The male is colored much more gorgeously than the female so that he can be shot and made into feather embroidery.”

— Will Cuppy