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Top 30 Yahtzee Croshaw Quotes (2025 Update)

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.”

1. “The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “The main problem I always have with multiplayer is that human beings are grabby, entitled, selfish, ugly, stupid, evil cockstoppers.”

2. “The main problem I always have with multiplayer is that human beings are grabby, entitled, selfish, ugly, stupid, evil cockstoppers.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “The geek shall inherit the earth.”

3. “The geek shall inherit the earth.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “I woke up one morning to find that the entire city had been covered in a three-foot layer of man-eating jam.”

4. “I woke up one morning to find that the entire city had been covered in a three-foot layer of man-eating jam.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits.”

5. “Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “I had passed on from life, from the world of struggles and hardship and big fat women with annoying laughs, and entered a glorious new existence of utter peace, and joy, and love. And then some git brought me back to life.”

6. “I had passed on from life, from the world of struggles and hardship and big fat women with annoying laughs, and entered a glorious new existence of utter peace, and joy, and love. And then some git brought me back to life.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “He who trades pacing for gimmicky open-world freedom deserves neither.”

7. “He who trades pacing for gimmicky open-world freedom deserves neither.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “The cruelest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is flawless when it isn’t.”

8. “The cruelest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is flawless when it isn’t.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “If you ask me, the hypothetical zenith of gaming technology is direct neural interface – no body to hamper you and your brain is in whatever you want it to be in. Plus it leads to existential uncertainty, which could be entertaining.”

9. “If you ask me, the hypothetical zenith of gaming technology is direct neural interface – no body to hamper you and your brain is in whatever you want it to be in. Plus it leads to existential uncertainty, which could be entertaining.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it.”

10. “So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “Readers of my online journal – I refuse to use the word blog because it sounds like something that lives on a riverbed and communicates through farts.”

11. “Readers of my online journal – I refuse to use the word blog because it sounds like something that lives on a riverbed and communicates through farts.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “Individuals are fine once you get to know them, especially if they’re interesting in conversation or have large, sumptuous breasts, but I don’t like people in the plural and I’ve seen very little to change my mind about that.”

12. “Individuals are fine once you get to know them, especially if they’re interesting in conversation or have large, sumptuous breasts, but I don’t like people in the plural and I’ve seen very little to change my mind about that.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “Well we’ve left behind the 200X’s, and we move onto the 20XX’s. Maybe that will finally make us feel like we’re living in the future, rather than a media controlled slave state where an iPhone is worth substantially more than a human life. Happy new year.”

13. “Well we’ve left behind the 200X’s, and we move onto the 20XX’s. Maybe that will finally make us feel like we’re living in the future, rather than a media controlled slave state where an iPhone is worth substantially more than a human life. Happy new year.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “That fact forms the center of a slightly racist joke referencing Ritsuko City’s large population of Japanese speakers. And I could certainly have escaped justice indefinitely by crossing the Black. But I’d have to lose my last scrap of self-respect, and in that case I would take up transvestite hooking before piracy. At least that would make for a less awkward conversation with Dad.”

14. “That fact forms the center of a slightly racist joke referencing Ritsuko City’s large population of Japanese speakers. And I could certainly have escaped justice indefinitely by crossing the Black. But I’d have to lose my last scrap of self-respect, and in that case I would take up transvestite hooking before piracy. At least that would make for a less awkward conversation with Dad.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “The jam had filled the courtyard and foyer and pushed the water out of the swimming pool. Where it touched the walls, little tendrils snaked their way upwards like searching fingers. There was an overpowering stench of strawberries.”

15. “The jam had filled the courtyard and foyer and pushed the water out of the swimming pool. Where it touched the walls, little tendrils snaked their way upwards like searching fingers. There was an overpowering stench of strawberries.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “Fair warning,” I said. “We may die horribly the moment I turn this handle.” “I beg your pardon?” I turned the handle. There.”

16. “Fair warning,” I said. “We may die horribly the moment I turn this handle.” “I beg your pardon?” I turned the handle. There.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “He was obviously taking an extended holiday from reality, an option that I had to admit I was finding more and more tempting.”

17. “He was obviously taking an extended holiday from reality, an option that I had to admit I was finding more and more tempting.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “Anyway, something tells me that wasn’t the kind of death you come back from.”

18. “Anyway, something tells me that wasn’t the kind of death you come back from.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “The obedient Pit bull becomes the escaped tiger and it’s got a knife.”

19. “The obedient Pit bull becomes the escaped tiger and it’s got a knife.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “What were they going to do after killing the president, declare themselves king?”

20. “What were they going to do after killing the president, declare themselves king?”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “Originally it had had two settings: Stun and Kill. These had proved inadequate against the ridiculously well-armored skin of monsters from particularly rough planets, so I’d found a way to tinker with the built-in limitations. The dial now had a third setting, labeled with the handwritten words ‘Solve All Immediate Problems.”

21. “Originally it had had two settings: Stun and Kill. These had proved inadequate against the ridiculously well-armored skin of monsters from particularly rough planets, so I’d found a way to tinker with the built-in limitations. The dial now had a third setting, labeled with the handwritten words ‘Solve All Immediate Problems.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “He hastily pulled off his dressing gown – revealing austere black boxer shorts and a threadbare T-shirt for something called Mogworld – and began twirling it frantically around his head.”

22. “He hastily pulled off his dressing gown – revealing austere black boxer shorts and a threadbare T-shirt for something called Mogworld – and began twirling it frantically around his head.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “Oh, traccy traccy ply ply bracket doints and divs.”

23. “Oh, traccy traccy ply ply bracket doints and divs.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “She looked like a drama student who had been told to be a tree, then never told to stop.”

24. “She looked like a drama student who had been told to be a tree, then never told to stop.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “I’d sometimes pictured myself bravely sacrificing my life to save another, but my preference had always been that it be someone I actually liked.”

25. “I’d sometimes pictured myself bravely sacrificing my life to save another, but my preference had always been that it be someone I actually liked.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “There was an Iron Man–shaped ache in my face.”

26. “There was an Iron Man–shaped ache in my face.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “I don’t actually remember if I was able to get a firebolt off. I have a vague memory of seeing orange light splatter harmlessly against a spiked breastplate, but that might just have been sparks from all the metal rubbing against metal. Then there was a sound rather like a bag of wet laundry being hurled across a gravel driveway, and that was the first time I died.”

27. “I don’t actually remember if I was able to get a firebolt off. I have a vague memory of seeing orange light splatter harmlessly against a spiked breastplate, but that might just have been sparks from all the metal rubbing against metal. Then there was a sound rather like a bag of wet laundry being hurled across a gravel driveway, and that was the first time I died.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “As the saying goes, a star pilot’s flight jacket has no stains, only stories.”

28. “As the saying goes, a star pilot’s flight jacket has no stains, only stories.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “I turned to my animal instincts again, but they shrugged, out of ideas. I was going to have to come up with an actual solution.”

29. “I turned to my animal instincts again, but they shrugged, out of ideas. I was going to have to come up with an actual solution.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw Quote: “Nothing says ‘I come in peace’ like a good incendiary device.”

30. “Nothing says ‘I come in peace’ like a good incendiary device.”

— Yahtzee Croshaw

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