Top 90 Zach Galifianakis Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There’s just too much money.”

— Zach Galifianakis

52. “I call my balls the bush twins.”

— Zach Galifianakis

53. “I’m terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I’m a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There’s nothing you can do except make light of it.”

— Zach Galifianakis

54. “People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.”

— Zach Galifianakis

55. “I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn’t seem too preachy because you’re also making people laugh, so it’s really kind of a good tool for messaging.”

— Zach Galifianakis

56. “I’ve been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.”

— Zach Galifianakis

57. “You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don’t have to shave.”

— Zach Galifianakis

58. “My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don’t really do a character thing in stand-up. It’s just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.”

— Zach Galifianakis

59. “When you’re doing standup you’re kind of doing, ‘Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.’”

— Zach Galifianakis

60. “I was just thinking how unfortunate it’d be to be a fat girl named Candy.”

— Zach Galifianakis

61. “I like dark comedies. That’s why I like the Wayans Brothers.”

— Zach Galifianakis

62. “I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, “What the hell is this? This person’s happy!” You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It’s a tool for comedy.”

— Zach Galifianakis

63. “I don’t know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.”

— Zach Galifianakis

64. “American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.”

— Zach Galifianakis

65. “I don’t like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.”

— Zach Galifianakis

66. “Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.”

— Zach Galifianakis

67. “I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.”

— Zach Galifianakis

68. “My comfort zone is press conferences.”

— Zach Galifianakis

69. “But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they probably also like Carrot Top. I would say that they’re part of the same ilk.”

— Zach Galifianakis

70. “You write things that are of interest to you. There’s no focus group.”

— Zach Galifianakis

71. “It’s fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don’t play on emotion too much.”

— Zach Galifianakis

72. “I try to write three jokes every day. I don’t sit down and write them, it’s just things that pop into my head. Then I’ll go watch it fail onstage that night.”

— Zach Galifianakis

73. “I kind of put myself out there as is. I’m a quiet person. I don’t know if that’s surprising. I’m a Pilates junkie.”

— Zach Galifianakis

74. “That’s one of the great things about comedy: we can – and should – say the things that other people aren’t supposed to say. If we didn’t do that, if we didn’t push against those limits, we’d just be standing around onstage and yelling.”

— Zach Galifianakis

75. “I haven’t been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in ’92.”

— Zach Galifianakis

76. “We talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it’s in our blood to drink coffee and talk politics.”

— Zach Galifianakis

77. “I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.”

— Zach Galifianakis

78. “I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.”

— Zach Galifianakis

79. “I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.”

— Zach Galifianakis

80. “I am not into publicity. I’m not good at it. I get anxiety about it.”

— Zach Galifianakis

81. “I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.”

— Zach Galifianakis

82. “The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they’re not supposed to.”

— Zach Galifianakis

83. “The problem with these interviews is that there’s no sarcastic font.”

— Zach Galifianakis

84. “I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.”

— Zach Galifianakis

85. “I don’t like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That’s kind of the advantage of stand up. You’re self-employed.”

— Zach Galifianakis

86. “I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it’s a little protective.”

— Zach Galifianakis

87. “I’m not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I’d have to go back to school or something.”

— Zach Galifianakis

88. “As a comic, it’s anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I’m very trepidatious about it.”

— Zach Galifianakis

89. “Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything’s been done.”

— Zach Galifianakis

90. “I don’t really have a pattern yet. I don’t know if I’ll develop one. As far as comedic integrity, I don’t have integrity in general, comedic or otherwise.”

— Zach Galifianakis

91. “When a role seems fun it’s easy to play. It kind of comes organically.”

— Zach Galifianakis

92. “I think those neighborhood signs that say ‘slow children playing’ are mean.”

— Zach Galifianakis

93. “You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you’re fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.”

— Zach Galifianakis