Top 7 Alan Partridge Quotes (2024 Update)

Alan Partridge Quote: “For three long days, I felt the cold hand of death on my shoulder. Lost in the depths of despair I tried to figure out what I had done to deserve this. I wasn’t an evil person. The worst thing I’d ever done was kick a pig – School trip to Heston Farm, 1964, I maintain it was self-defence.”

1. “For three long days, I felt the cold hand of death on my shoulder. Lost in the depths of despair I tried to figure out what I had done to deserve this. I wasn’t an evil person. The worst thing I’d ever done was kick a pig – School trip to Heston Farm, 1964, I maintain it was self-defence.”

— Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge Quote: “If I was feeling like a challenge, I’d kick out the plug, turn the taps on and see if I could maintain the exact water level. It was a bit like balancing the clutch in an old Mini Metro. Although tricky at first, by the time I checked out I could find the bath’s biting point within three minutes. Satisfying? Just bit.”

2. “If I was feeling like a challenge, I’d kick out the plug, turn the taps on and see if I could maintain the exact water level. It was a bit like balancing the clutch in an old Mini Metro. Although tricky at first, by the time I checked out I could find the bath’s biting point within three minutes. Satisfying? Just bit.”

— Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge Quote: “Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman.”

3. “Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman.”

— Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge Quote: “Snowflakes fell from the sky like tiny pieces of a snowman who had stood on a landmine.”

4. “Snowflakes fell from the sky like tiny pieces of a snowman who had stood on a landmine.”

— Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge Quote: “As I write these words I’m noisily chomping away on not one, but two Murray Mints. I’ve a powerful suck and soon they’ll be whittled away to nothing. But for the time being at least they have each other. For the time being, they are brothers. Which is more than could be said for me, for I was an only child. I.”

5. “As I write these words I’m noisily chomping away on not one, but two Murray Mints. I’ve a powerful suck and soon they’ll be whittled away to nothing. But for the time being at least they have each other. For the time being, they are brothers. Which is more than could be said for me, for I was an only child. I.”

— Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge Quote: “Now, this is an uncomfortable thing to discuss, but I run towards discomfort like a man who has strapped truth explosives to his body and made his peace with God.”

6. “Now, this is an uncomfortable thing to discuss, but I run towards discomfort like a man who has strapped truth explosives to his body and made his peace with God.”

— Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge Quote: “My heart is, in the wise words of Billy Ray Cyrus, achy breaky.”

7. “My heart is, in the wise words of Billy Ray Cyrus, achy breaky.”

— Alan Partridge

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