Top 60 Allie Brosh Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “I’d try to explain that it’s not really negativity or sadness anymore, it’s more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can’t feel anything about anything – even the things you love, even fun things – and you’re horribly bored and lonely.”

— Allie Brosh

2. “Procrastination has become its own solution – a tool I can use to push myself so close to disaster that I become terrified and flee toward success. A more troubling matter is the day-to-day activities that don’t have massive consequences when I neglect to do them.”

— Allie Brosh

3. “Most people can motivate themselves to do things simply by knowing that those things need to be done. But not me. For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it.”

— Allie Brosh

4. “By now, I’m sure you can see that most of the things you want are stupid and most of the decisions you make are bad.”

— Allie Brosh

5. “You aren’t allowed to decide because you are really bad at making decisions.”

— Allie Brosh

6. “I had tasted cake and there was no going back. My tiny body had morphed into a writhing mass of pure tenacity encased in a layer of desperation. I would eat all of the cake or I would evaporate from the sheer power of my desire to eat it.”

— Allie Brosh

7. “The illusion of control makes the helplessness seem more palatable. And when that illusion is taken away, I panic.”

— Allie Brosh

8. “Be an unsinkable ship.′ Basically, making yourself seaworthy is easier than trying to control the sea.”

— Allie Brosh

9. “I was a god – the god of cake – and I was unstoppable.”

— Allie Brosh

10. “It’s weird for people who still have feelings to be around depressed people. They try to help you have feelings again so things can go back to normal, and it’s frustrating for them when that doesn’t happen.”

— Allie Brosh

11. “It’s disappointing to feel sad for no reason. Sadness can be almost pleasantly indulgent when you have a way to justify it.”

— Allie Brosh

12. “Nail clippers: As you may have noticed, trimming your nails is a traumatic event that requires three people, a beach towel, and a can of spray.”

— Allie Brosh

13. “The thing about being an unstoppable force is that you can really only enjoy the experience of being one when you have something to bash yourself against. You need to have things trying to stop you so that you can get a better sense of how fast you are going as you smash through them. And whenever I was inside the dinosaur costume, that is the only thing I wanted to do.”

— Allie Brosh

14. “Sometimes all you can really do is keep moving and hope you end up somewhere that makes sense.”

— Allie Brosh

15. “And trying really hard when you don’t know what you’re doing just happens to be the exact recipe for acting like a fuckin’ weirdo.”

— Allie Brosh

16. “I’m still hoping that perhaps someday I’ll learn how to use willpower like a real person, but until that very unlikely day, I will confidently battle toward adequacy, wielding my crude skill set of fear and shame.”

— Allie Brosh

17. “Woah there, Scooter... looks like you might be starting to veer towards nihilism... anyway, it’s sand time now.”

— Allie Brosh

18. “And that’s the most frustrating thing about depression. It isn’t always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn’t even something – it’s nothing. And you can’t combat nothing.”

— Allie Brosh

19. “I don’t just want to do the right thing. I want to WANT to do the right thing.”

— Allie Brosh

20. “My mom quickly tired of having to hold the cake out of my reach. She tried to hide the cake, but I found it almost immediately. She tried putting the cake on top of the refrigerator, but my freakish climbing abilities soon proved it to be an unsatisfactory solution.”

— Allie Brosh

21. “On a fundamental level, I am someone who would throw sand at children. I know this because I have had to resist doing it, and that means that it’s what I would naturally be doing if I wasn’t resisting it.”

— Allie Brosh

22. “Unfortunately, the world doesn’t make sense. It just doesn’t. Not fully, at least. Not if you keep poking it. And poking harder doesn’t do anything. In fact, the harder you poke it, the less sense it makes. And once you start to notice this, it rips through you like a Tasmanian tornado octopus, rending your stupid little sense of meaning apart with its flailing power arms.”

— Allie Brosh

23. “Somebody who understands exactly how weird you are, and you understand exactly how weird they are, and you’re in a sort of mutually beneficial hostage situation.”

— Allie Brosh

24. “For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it.”

— Allie Brosh

25. “W’re both nice people, usually. But this wasn’t a regular argument. It was the type of argument you can only have with people you’re REALLY close to – people you know so well you start to forget they’re a different person from you, so it sort of feels like nobody can see you.”

— Allie Brosh

26. “Anger is not a graceful emotion. I’ve never gotten mad and been like, “I’m glad I behaved like that!” I feel weird about it every time.”

— Allie Brosh

27. “For the sake of trust building, the third chapter will follow the second. But then we will jump directly to chapter five, do you understand? No chapter four. Why? Because sometimes things don’t go like they should.”

— Allie Brosh

28. “Slowly, my feelings started to shrivel up. The few that managed to survive the constant beatings staggered around like wounded baby deer, just biding their time until they could die and join all the other carcasses strewn across the wasteland of my soul.”

— Allie Brosh

29. “Because I can see the future and I know what will happen if I let you play with the lawn mower.”

— Allie Brosh

30. “To reiterate, no matter how much pepper you eat, it won’t undo the ludicrous amount of salt you ate before it. The only thing you are accomplishing by eating pepper is making your mouth taste like pepper AND salt. Similarly, switching back to salt again won’t cancel out the burning from the pepper you ate to cancel out the original salt. How is this so difficult to understand? You can stop whenever you want to.”

— Allie Brosh

31. “Then the guilt from my ignored responsibilities grows so large that merely carrying it around with me feels like a huge responsibility. It takes up a sizable portion of my capacity, leaving me almost completely useless for anything other than consuming nachos and surfing the Internet like an attention-deficient squirrel on PCP.”

— Allie Brosh

32. “Fortunately, it turns out that being scared of yourself is a somewhat effective motivational technique.”

— Allie Brosh

33. “Having to be personally responsible for maintaining justice in the world is distressing. It makes it seem like maybe there’s something wrong at the Universal Fairness and Balance Department. Like maybe the higher-ups have lost control and they need help.”

— Allie Brosh

34. “It’s a strange moment when you realize that you don’t want to be alive anymore.”

— Allie Brosh

35. “For a little while, I actually feel grown-up and responsible. I strut around with my head held high, looking the other responsible people in the eye with that knowing glance that says, I understand. I’m responsible now too. Just look at my groceries.”

— Allie Brosh

36. “Trimming your dogs nails is a traumatic event that requires three people, a beach towel, and a can of spray cheese.”

— Allie Brosh

37. “But as long as I figure out what’s going to happen before it actually happens – or hell, even while it’s happening – all the struggling and flailing might propel me away from it in time. Procrastination has become its own solution – a tool I can use to push myself so close to disaster that I become terrified and flee toward success. A more troubling matter is the day-to-day activities that don’t have massive consequences when I neglect to do them.”

— Allie Brosh

38. “I suspect that, left to my own devices, I would completely lose control of my life.”

— Allie Brosh

39. “I stock up on fancy food because I’m also planning on morphing into a master chef and actually cooking instead of just eating nachos for dinner every night.”

— Allie Brosh

40. “Carl believes that he is better than everybody, when really, he is slightly worse than average.”

— Allie Brosh

41. “It wants to focus on being a good person, not just a barely not horrible one.”

— Allie Brosh

42. “There I was, casually wishing that I could stop existing in the same way you’d want to leave an empty room or mute an unbearably repetitive noise.”

— Allie Brosh

43. “When the soul-penetrating pathos she was beaming at me failed to prevent me from continuing to put things in boxes, the helper dog became increasingly alarmed. Over the ensuing few days, she slowly descended into psychological chaos. The simple dog remained unfazed.”

— Allie Brosh

44. “When you have to spend every social interacting manipulating your face into shapes that are only approximately the right ones, alienating people is inevitable.”

— Allie Brosh

45. “But trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that accompanies depression is like a person with no arms trying to punch themselves until their hands grow back.”

— Allie Brosh

46. “I couldn’t even muster the enthusiasm to hate myself anymore.”

— Allie Brosh

47. “This is a reasonable point. And when you’re in full-on rage-ejection mode, there is nothing more infuriating than a reasonable point.”

— Allie Brosh

48. “One of the most terrifying things that has ever happened to me was watching myself over and over again – thirty-five days in a row – not to return a movie I had rented. Every day, I saw it sitting there on the arm of my couch. And every day, I thought, “I should really do something about that... ” and then I just didn’t.”

— Allie Brosh

49. “I mean, what am I – some clueless animal who needs love and companionship? As it turns out, yes – that is what kind of animal I am. I just never realized it before because there was enough ambient love and companionship around to make it seem like maybe I don’t have needs, and that’s why it doesn’t feel like I need anything.”

— Allie Brosh

50. “But, against all odds, my gigantic ego continues to attempt greatness.”

— Allie Brosh